How old........?

[LizK]

How old was your child when

 

a) they could eat properly with a knife and fork

 

b ) dress themselves with encouragement

 

c) dress themselves on their own

 

d) sleep in a single bed without a bed guard

 

e) go to the loo at night without needing to wake mummy or daddy up!

 

 

Adam is 5yrs 3mths and can't really do any.

 

a) he strugggles to use a knife to cut food up and still prefers to eat with fingers.

 

b ) and c) if I gave him his clothes to get dressed he just stands there and stares at them ! If I guide him he can just about get himself dressed though looks like a ragamuffin! He still can't do zips on his coat. Last term I went to help his classmates get changed after the school Nativity, Adam was standing there in his vest and pants looking lost and needed helping but when I tried to help another child he recoiled and looked at me like I was mad. His class teacher smiled and said that most of the children can get dressed on their own, I had no idea!

 

d) haven't dared take his bed guard off yet and fear he will fall out . He tends to toss and turn at night, we hear him banging agains the wall and have found him upside down in his bed on more occasions than one . He has proprioceptive difficulties and I'm not sure he instinctively knows where the end of the bed is in his sleep. One day I'm going to have to bite the bullet and do it I guess!

 

e) he takes himself off to the loo but we usually find him wailing in the bathroom with his PJ bottoms around his ankles or standing staring at the running tap

 

In many ways he's more like a 3.5yr old so not surprising he can't do these things but sometimes wonder if I baby him especially with him being my first! He's also happy for you to do things for him unlike my fiercely independent two year old who has the most amazing tantrums if we try to help!

 

Lx

[opheila]

My son is 4 he can use a spoon or fork but not at the same time he still perfers to eat with his fingers.

I have been trying to toilet train him he screams kicks and has a tantrum most of the time i try to take him near the toilet.

He is still in nappies night and day

As for dressing he will step out of his trousers lift his arms up and that is about it

I have had many people saying to me i need to push him a little harder. It was using this tactic at nursery that totally put my son of the potty in the first place

He was three when i finally got him to drink out of an ordinary cup or a cup with a straw.

I have found when L understands the consept himself then he comes on in leaps and bounds. I dont think pushing them really gets u anywhere encouragement yes but now i just take it a step at a time and not worry about other parents saying to me oh he is still in nappies i know when he understands and is ready he will probably come out of nappies really quick

opheila

[Paula]

<'>

 

You know though its easy to say dont worry it is best not to and safe yourself all the heartache of wondering if and when youre son will do these things.I speak from experiance.My son was 13 last week hes got aspergers syndrom .

 

I used to think god hell never be able to do stuff all coz thats what it appeared like at the time when he was younger.....but he can eat nicely,dress himself,use the toilet no more soiling,wash himself,get dressed,read and write,he does alsorts of stuff we thought would never happen.

 

Eventually it does it all just clicks into place.So dont fret dont compare and enjoy him while hes young coz before yer know where yer are its a whole set of different worries..teenage tantrums and agro combined with aspergers................. shoot me now.

[Bagpuss]

Hi Liz,

 

My youngest dd is 6. She can use a knife, fork and spoon, but really struggles to use a knife and fork to cut anything up, and tends to rely on her fingers. She can use a spoon with no probs. She has difficulty dressing and undressing herself, and we've just been given a list of exercises by her physio to encourage her. She will attempt to do, but her lack of co-ordination and low muscle tone due to MD makes even the simplest tasks hard work for her. I must admit to usually just doing it myself, which I don't think helps her at all. She never wakes in the night for wee, and sleeps straight thru. Re the falling out of bed, she had bed rails fitted via our OT dept, as she had a tendency to fall out frequently. However, we found she struggled more to get in and out of bed with them on, so took them off. She will still fall out sometimes, though not often. We do find her sleeping upside down though, and once found her asleep on the landing, bless her. I've always tried to go with the flow, get advice where appropriate, and try and go at her pace. Take care <'>

[oxgirl]

Hi LizK,

 

My lad is 13 and still struggles with a lot of things that others his age can do.

 

He struggles with a knife and fork and holds them in a most peculiar way. Some things that are tough, like pizza, still need cutting up for him. When he was at primary school I used to have to go swimming with him just so that I could help him with dressing, luckily he stopped going swimming when he was 7 or it could have gotten very embarrassing! He still can't do shoe laces and, if we go to a shop to buy new shoes, I have to squat down and do them up for him, which can be quite humiliating (luckily he is very small so could be mistaken for an 8 or 9 year old, but it won't be long before he starts to shoot up, I'm sure!) He can dress himself but he probably still can't do buttons, although we won't know because he refuses to wear anything with buttons, so who knows! He can sort himself out in the loo no probs!

 

The thing is, as they get older, they will achieve an awful lot and you won't believe what your lad will be able to do in a few years that you never thought he would. It's swings and roundabouts I guess, my lad is a genius at science, reads fantastically and is highly intelligent. So, whenever it is possible, I buy shoes with velcro and along we trot!

 

It's early days, your lad is still very young, try not to worry too much about how it will be when he's older, you'll find out soon enough. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[MichelleW]

Mine is 6 years 8 months nearly. He can't dress himself, and I don't have the time in the mornings to give him enough time to try! Last time I timed him (for DLA) I gave up after an hour! Again, with shoes, it has to be velcro, and even then he gets frustrated quickly. He struggles with a knife and fork - but does usually manage it. I can't remember when he started to manage the toilet during the night - sometime between 4 and 5 I think, but that might change when he moves to his new bedroom. Luckily he rarely wakes during the night.

I must admit that I used to do a lot for him and not really think much of it - until I was filling out the DLA forms. I probably still do, but don't think about it.

[Lynden]

Logan is 3.5 and can't do any of those yet. He will lift step out of his trousers, and is starting to put his arms in but that it at the minute.

 

Lynne x

[mum22boys]

M is 6 1/2 and only recently has he started using both a knife and fork. He is very clumsy though and not too good at it so we still do it for him. He can use the fork by itself though.

 

He still doesn't just go to the loo in the night. If he needs to go he moans very loudly and when I go in his room he will be sitting up rocking. I have to lift him out the bed (high cabin bed!!!) and carry him to the loo. He then stands there still moaning as if he doesn't recognise what to do. This can go on for over 15minutes.

 

He hasn't had too many problems with falling out of bed. Getting him to stay there would be nice!!!!

 

Watching him dress himself is painful. If I don't supervise he wouldn't put all the clothes on required. Last week I forgot to put socks out and he didn't question it he just put his shoes on as usual. When I asked him what he was doing he said I hadn't given him any. it never occured to him to ask for some. It is easier to assist than leave well alone!

 

Washing needs supervision too. The other week I left him to do it himself. I left all the things out he needed and was astonished to find the whole procedure took 50 minutes. That is how long he takes to do it himself. I have to do it for him on school days.

 

mum22boys

[MichelleW]

I forgot about the washing! I left J to wash his hands the other day, and he used a whole new bottle of handwash in one go!!!! Both my boys have a bit of an obsession with water - and will be there for hours watching the water and soap go down the plug hole!!

[shamu]

Really interesting thread and replies.

We're at the point of it only just becoming obvious that James has difficulties with these things compared to his peers.

He can't feed himself reliably, even with his hands he gets food everywhere. Spoon feeding himself with yoghurt is just about OK though he tends to tip yoghurt on the table (on purpose!) He needs a closed beaker to drink as otherwise he pours the water everywhere (again, on purpose!)

He will pull at his trousers and lift his feet out, but can't pull them down any more. He can't take his top off though he helps put his arms in. He can manage zips and can take off cardigans and zip coats but leaves them on the floor (typical man!)

He's still in a cot and I'm scared to put him in a bed - he tosses and turns all night and is usually at a different end of the bed when he wakes up. Plus we're in a flat so he'd get up and get up to all sorts of nonsense at 4am when he wakes...

No progress at all on toilet training which is really annoying but we'll get there eventually.

Shamu

;-)

[kinky j]

c is 3 and a half, he can dress/undress himself when propted but has to be in the right mood and even then he needs reminding of how to do it (hold tops of trousers, hold sleave to pull arm out etc) socks are a no go and i have to make sure everything's right way up and not inside out when he's done

 

he will use cutlery but not properly, he can't cut with a knife and he uses a fork in the same way as a spoon. he still prefers to use fingers

 

i moved c out of his cot when he was 1 as he kept climbing out of it and i was worried he'd fall, i put him in a double bed at first cos he fidgets like crazy (awake or asleep ) then moved him into a single bed when he was 2 which he's been fine with.

 

he's only just got out of nappies in the day so i'm leaving the night ones for a while

[Karen A]

Hi Ben is 8.He sleeps in a single bed without a guard but cannot do the other things on the list without some support.Karen.

[phoebe]

My Ds is 8 and a half.

 

He struggles with a knife and forkand would use fingers all the time if allowed. A little while ago, we decided it was one of the things we were going to work on and bought him a "special set of cutlery" with a serrated blade on the knife. It has taken about a year, but he will now use a knife and fork quite reliably if a little awkwardly.

 

He can manage to get himself dressed including socks, but not shoe laces. This skill we worked really hard at in year 1 and 2. The only thing is, if he is allowed to chose his own clothes, he will wear clothes inappropriate to the weather condition and also, once he is dressed, he will not change even if he has out shorts on in mid winter (I hide them away for the summer months now)!

 

 

He does sleep in a single bed without a bed guard and has done for about 4 years. He is also a major fidget and for ages after we took the bed guard off, I kept a spare duvet on the floor to soften his landing if he fell out!! I still hear the occasional bump in the night!! And as for night time wees. He simply doesn't wake up for them and sleeps through in a wet bed blissfully unaware it seems. He has been "dry at night" for about 3 years, but will still have the occasional accident.

[Vix]

Kyle is nearly 5. He mainly uses his fingers for feeding himself, although he can and will use a spoon for yoghurt and ready brek. He has just started using a fork (school have been encouraging him and he's started doing at home despite resisting our attempts before ) He can only scoop with the fork though, can't stab yet. As for a knife, no hope! He's only just started drinking out of a normal cup instead of a beaker as he'd just tip it all down himself!

 

He can undress himself, he doesn't like clothes on once he his at home! As for getting dressed, he will help,like hold his arms out and put his legs in his trousers but that is it. I've tried giving him to clothes to put on but he just dropped them and wandered off.

 

He's not toilet trained at all so is in nappies day and night, I tried him in pants at the same time as his younger brothers but he didn't even notice or care when he wet himself.

 

He's fine in a bed, been in one since he was nearly 3 and only fell out a few times. He's only got a mattress on the floor at the moment as he broke his bed (took the mattress off and broke the wooden slats!) so no worries about him falling out!

 

It is hard, his brothers are just over 2.5 and they can feed themselves (though don't always want too!) attempt to dress themselves, and tell me sometimes when they need nappies changing. Hopefully they will be toilet trained soon, it's hard with 3 in nappies!

 

Vicky

 

xx

[smiley]

Hi Ben is 8.He sleeps in a single bed without a guard but cannot do the other things on the list without some support.Karen.

 

Same here.

[curra]

My son learned all this very late too and still needs a lot of support:

 

a) eat properly with a knife and fork He couldn't hold them right until he was 12, using special cutlery. He still prefers to eat with his fingers if no one is watching.

 

b ) dress themselves with encouragement He still prefers not to get dressed at weekends. I have to encourage him to do so.

 

c) dress themselves on their own He learned step by step. He needs help now only to tie his shoe laces and buttons and put on his jacket

 

d) sleep in a single bed without a bed guard When he was 5

 

e) go to the loo at night without needing to wake mummy or daddy up! He still doesn't go to the loo at night. He needs a portable loo in his bedroom which he began to use when he was 12

 

 

Curra

[Tilly]

Dd prefers 'packed lunch' meals so very rarely uses cutlery except when eating yoghourt.

 

She could dress herself with prompts when she was about 5 but could undress herself and get into pjs when she was 4.

 

She was about 7-8 years old when she could dress independently.

 

I've never used a bedguard. I placed a pillow vertically under the bottom sheet to stop her from falling out, a tip from my mam, as she says, "We never had money for bedguards, changing mats etc."

 

Luckily dd does not get up to use the toilet during the night but if she did I think she would definitely wake me up and not go back to sleep.

 

Tilly

[peppa]

DD 3.5 manages to eat with a fork and spoon but uses them in the same way, can't stab with fork, prefers however to eat with hands.

She can't dress herself, but can manage to remove trousers, pants, socks and shoes. If left to try on her own clothes are abandoned! Also prefers to not wear clothes on bottom half of body when indoors( especially socks).

She has a bed guard but often sleeps with her face squashed into it as she gets so far to the edge of the bed! so prob be a while before its removed.

She's still in pull ups at night and is always really soggy of a morning, she's still having occasional daytime accidents also which tend to come in fits and starts, for a fortnight there isn't any then for a fortnight she'll have four in one day, quite frustrating! Rarely wakes in the night put i have put a potty in her room and she used it a couple of times before going to sleep instead of asking for toilet.

Not too concerned about bed guard and night time nappies at mo, but will continue working on others now she's at school nursery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How old was your child when

 

a) they could eat properly with a knife and fork

 

b ) dress themselves with encouragement

 

c) dress themselves on their own

 

d) sleep in a single bed without a bed guard

 

e) go to the loo at night without needing to wake mummy or daddy up!

Adam is 5yrs 3mths and can't really do any.

 

a) he strugggles to use a knife to cut food up and still prefers to eat with fingers.

 

b ) and c) if I gave him his clothes to get dressed he just stands there and stares at them ! If I guide him he can just about get himself dressed though looks like a ragamuffin! He still can't do zips on his coat. Last term I went to help his classmates get changed after the school Nativity, Adam was standing there in his vest and pants looking lost and needed helping but when I tried to help another child he recoiled and looked at me like I was mad. His class teacher smiled and said that most of the children can get dressed on their own, I had no idea!

 

d) haven't dared take his bed guard off yet and fear he will fall out . He tends to toss and turn at night, we hear him banging agains the wall and have found him upside down in his bed on more occasions than one . He has proprioceptive difficulties and I'm not sure he instinctively knows where the end of the bed is in his sleep. One day I'm going to have to bite the bullet and do it I guess!

 

e) he takes himself off to the loo but we usually find him wailing in the bathroom with his PJ bottoms around his ankles or standing staring at the running tap

 

In many ways he's more like a 3.5yr old so not surprising he can't do these things but sometimes wonder if I baby him especially with him being my first! He's also happy for you to do things for him unlike my fiercely independent two year old who has the most amazing tantrums if we try to help!

 

Lx

[lisa35]

My son is 11, hates cutlery = ot noted only uses one hand at once (anyone shed light on that one!?) Refuses to have school dinners, fairly clumsy, we ve just ordered some special cutlery that he said will use at home, we also use non slip mats on a tray-gives him bit of independance

 

Stopped waking us at night approx 18 months ago, getting dressed would take hours and hours if we left him to it! He too hates laces, can do them, but takes time and hypermobility in hands means he finds it hard to fasten them tight enough

Tends to forget socks and boxers!

Wont wear a coat, even when freezing! Yet we have to tell him to move from front of fire or he scorches!!!!

 

Needs a lot of verbal prompting, I do feel like I baby him, is more like a 7 yr old at times, yet v articulate and intelligent!!

 

Tell you what , glad its not just us! Its not til u stop to think u realise the sort of extra things we do daily!

Lisa

[ellisisamazing]

How old was your child when

 

a) they could eat properly with a knife and fork

 

b ) dress themselves with encouragement

 

c) dress themselves on their own

 

d) sleep in a single bed without a bed guard

 

e) go to the loo at night without needing to wake mummy or daddy up!

 

Ellis wil use a spoon upside down to eat yogurt, which is a very messy way to eat, but mostly uses his fingers. He is a DRY eater!!

 

He cannot dress himself, but will hold out his arms for sleeves and legs for trousers, feet for socks! Sometimes his PJ bootoms are off in the morning, but I think he wriggles so much they just come off!

 

He sleeps in a extra long cot we bought abroad, in fact sometimes I find my two year old daughter in there with him in the morning!! He has a water obsession and I am worried about floods and him falling over the banister during the night!! Paranoid, I know!

 

My boy is still in nappies day and night.

[RedR]

Hi,

 

Daniel is 3 years and 9 months.

 

How old was your child when

 

a) they could eat properly with a knife and fork

 

He is actually pretty good with a knife and fork, in fact most of the time he has better table manners than his 5 year old brother.

 

b ) dress themselves with encouragement

c) dress themselves on their own

 

He doesn't do either of these and most mornings it is hard work to get him dressed, if he is in a good mood he will lift his feet to put them in his trousers but that is about it. He is, however, an expert at getting undressed and will often appear in the front room having completely stripped off!

 

d) sleep in a single bed without a bed guard

 

Since about the age of 2. He does occasionally fall out but not too often and most nights we find him in his brother's bed.

 

e) go to the loo at night without needing to wake mummy or daddy up!

 

He is still in nappies day and night.

[elun1]

My ds (5 and 9 mths) can't dress himself but will now often co-operate when being dressed.

He sometimes will help when being undressed.

He has fine motor difficulties and has big problems feeding himself. He would happily let you feed him with a spoon but I try to hand over hand to teach him - easier said than done!

He wees in toilet but flatly refuses to do number 2's there. He has control and will hang on for hours. The second you pop out the room he will do it in pants! He then says 'have you done a poo mummy? poos go in the toilet!'

Elun xxx

[Lucas]

I'll answer for myself.

 

Most things for me are entirely situational: it is not enough for me to simply have them as skills, there are always varying factors that can potentially block me from making use of them.

 

A ) I can't use plastic cutlery and have difficulty with cutlery that has a handle made of a different material to the bit I put in my mouth. If the handle is not directly a part of the business end of a spoon or fork, it just won't feel natural in my hand. Knives are less of a problem, it's mainly the blade; if it's not designed specifically for what it's for I will have a lot of trouble. Steak knives are for cutting meat, butter knives are for spreading, etc. I can only use cutlery when I am *allowed* to, when people insist I use certain cutlery in a certain way, the fact that they have requested it means I find it harder to do so, just as a stammerer will find it harder not to when people tell them to stop.

 

That has been the case for as long as I can remember, so round about the age of three. But before that I don't think I used spoons, I sucked liquid foods straight out the side of the dish.

 

B ) Often unable to do it at all without a significant amount of time. I'm very sensitive to temperature so it's sometimes the case in the morning that I stay in my pyjamas and put my clothes on over them, then when I've had time to adjust I slip my pyjama top off undeneath and slide it out the neck hole. Pyjama bottoms will either be left on for hours underneath pants or I'll take them off and put pants on while still under bed covers. I was nine when my mom stopped dressing me and that's when this kind of routine started.

 

C ) In Summer time it becomes much less of an issue except that the kinds of materials I can tolerate become limited.

 

D ) As long as it is my own bed. Sleeping anywhere else makes me very tense and I can't sleep. A hard floor is preferable to any bed except my own.

 

E ) I often can't sit on a toilet without wiping it with wet loo paper first, I have no idea how some bums can put those marks on it. I prefer to sit because of fear of spraying everywhere. Was using a potty until the age of four when school forced me to use disgusting toilets where I would be held by the teacher until I was finished, I screeched the whole time and sometimes seriously self-injured. It was both an act of neccessary survival and poetic justice that I would wee on the plants in the classroom while the teacher was busy and hide poo in cupboards and drawers to be discovered by someone else later. I did anything to avoid being made to use the school toilets that everyone else used.

Edited January 31, 2007 by Lucas

[MichelleW]

Lucas, it is interesting that you link temperature to dressing. I tend to dress my son in the morning while he is still in bed under the duvet, but have just discovered that if I put his clothes on the radiator to warm them up, then he is happier to get dressed.

[lisa35]

Ditto Michelle! Have probs getting him to change boxers too (wont wear pjs, only t shirts with no sleeves!!

Lisa

[forbsay]

Hello

 

My son now aged 6.5 can:-

 

Undress himself (with encouragement) and put pjs on- started doing this last week

Eat with a fork (but not with a knife)

Toilet trained during the day (managed this at 5.5 years old)

Brush teeth ( he has just started doing this)

 

He does thinks in his own time but gets there eventually.

 

Take care

 

Forbsay

xxx

[Clareo2003]

My Son is almost 11 and he holds his knife and fork in a odd way too and can not work out how to cut things up even though we have showed him a number of times from a young age!

 

He can get himself dressed but needs to be told to change underwear and dirty clothes as he would happily wear the same clothes for days on end!!

 

He also needs help in choosing the appropiate clothes for the day.

 

Tyler still needs encouragement to wash and brush his teeth and needs to be washed whilst in the bath or at least watched because else he just gets in pours water over himself then gets out again!!

 

 

Tyler can go to the toilet at night on his own but does sleep walk and have anxiety attacks during the night so we have to sometimes take him to the toilet because he is tooo scared to go alone!

 

He can sleep in a bed fine but is very retless and his covers including his bottom sheet are always on the floor in the morning.

 

Clare x

[lynyona]

kieran is nearly 21 and he still struggles cutting things up as he holds his knife and fork strange and cant put much pressure on.he still cant tie is shoe laces and struggles with buttons and as the previous poster as said he will wear the same clothes for weeks on end if i dont battle with him.i also have to wash his hair for him before he goes in the shower because he finds the co ordination difficult i also have to shave him as well for the same reason

 

 

 

 

lynn

[joshanddanfans]

oldest 7= struggles with knife n fork eats with fingers, falls out of bed constantly so has rail, is good at going to the toilet but wont alone,too anxious, wakes us up in night to go with him, can dress himself but struggles with zips and buttons,cant put shoes on at all, more of an issue is lack of co-operation and total resistence when getting dressed which makes us late for scholl every day.

 

middle son 5 1/2 = eats with hands as cant hold knife and fork properly, cant dress himself mainly top half cant even pull ants up after toilet,cant do shoes or socks and again no cooperation at all he is incontinent of faces so wears nappy in bed, if in bathroom will only play with taps,wees anywhere and everywhere,babies potty or out back door, needs a bed rail as falls out,

 

3 year old sister= dresses herself since 18 months, toilets herself though gets up to no good in bathroom, sleeps on top bunk and doesnt fall out,refuses to eat constantly,squishes with fingers or throws on floor, very independent

[butterfingersbimbo]

el was very similar at that age, but now is capable of doing it all herself, but she still prefers to eat with her fingers when possible, and i still have to wipe her bum for her when she goes for a poo! clothes are often inappropiate tho...and she is now obsessed with her liverpool top she got for crimbo....she struggles to turn clothes the right way if they are inside out. she can do laces but not very well some days....

[jayne]

Hi my son who is 6,

 

a) Can just about eat with a fork or spoon but will eat with fingers all the time has to be nagged constantly at school bout it.

 

b and c) struggles to dress himself due to co-ordination difficults when at school is encouraged to and usually on PE and swimming days comes out with trousers inside out and top back to front and shoes on wrong feet makes me mad that teachers dont then sort them out for him so that kids dont pick on him and at home its quicker and easy to do it for him otherwise never get to school. Also cannot do zips or buttons or those hooks on school trousers.

 

d) He has slept in a single bed since the age of 2/3 years old guard came off bout 4 years old, he never had chance to fall out woke up every night since he has been born 1 or 2 times through the night to get me so i can get him back to sleep ( i have to lay down with him till he drops off even now cos he is scared to be on his own) but since with have moved to bunagalow in last 3 months only been up 10 nights hurray .

 

e) Will still get me up to take him to the loo in the night and sometimes in the day aswell as he gets scared.

Jayne xx

Edited February 9, 2007 by jayne