hev Report post Posted August 6, 2007 steve was swearing and screaming at me today for no reason,nick went to tell him to stop it,steven spat at him,punched him and called him a paedophile so steve him him round the head,steve then went in the toilet and called 999,police came and arrested nick for assault,if i was with a man who was horrible to steve he would be out my door in a flash but he is v good to steven,because steven pushed nick the police are doing him for assault as well,they have been to the cells since 11 today,c.i.d are interviewing them now,i dont know whats going to happen,well steven has got his long for stay in the cells,hope its all he dreamt it would be,ive had it now Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Lya of the Nox Report post Posted August 6, 2007 oh hun i soo sorry <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ASue67 Report post Posted August 6, 2007 Not sure what to say that can help but just wanted to send you a big hug <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
carrieq Report post Posted August 6, 2007 Don't know what to say, but sending you lots of hugs(((()))) Carrie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
brooke Report post Posted August 6, 2007 so sorry Hev <'> <'> is there anyone who can come over and keep you company while you wait for news? Take care Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
V1971 Report post Posted August 6, 2007 {{hev}} I am so sorry, what a horrible position to be in, be strong sweetie! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted August 6, 2007 Oh Hev, I am so sorry, what an awful situation, I truly hope it sorts it self out and they don't prosecute. Â Take care Hun and stay strong this will take some sorting out. Â <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Â Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted August 6, 2007 <'> Hev <'> thinking about you love. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted August 6, 2007 <'> <'> Hev <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrs phasmid Report post Posted August 6, 2007 oh hev you have my deepest sympathy  id be getting on to emergency SW straight away  Nic could be in all sorts of trouble depending on what steve says, so he needs some sort of legal representation [even just for questions] for his own protection and PoM  who is with steve to make sure they realise theyre not only dealing with a minor but one who's vunerable and asd too. Someone who can help them with his background? He shouldnt be interviewed without a responsible adult anyway and because of his vunerabilities hes not deemd able [under law] to decline one anything he says without a responsible adult, one trained in dealing with children with his problems, is totally inadmissable  huge hugs hun <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
witsend Report post Posted August 6, 2007 Oh God Hev, how awful for you (and Nick and steve) <'> thinking of you all. hang in there! Luv Witsend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elun1 Report post Posted August 6, 2007 <'> <'> <'> Thinking about you Hev Elun <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
forbsay Report post Posted August 6, 2007 Oh Hev  Thinking of you all <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted August 6, 2007 Hi Hev <'> Â Don't really know what to say about the police/charges, apart from to contact SS/CAB/NAS and ask them for advice about advocacy/support schemes... I think it's unlikely that there will be any full charges made, but you will need advice/support however it pans out... 1 thing I really think you need to do is make sure there's an end to these phone-calls to the police. Is this the 3rd or 4th time now? I know you are going to say how hard it will be and that he'll just nick yours or that he needs it for emergencies etc etc, but however it's done, i don't think steve should have/have access to a mobile phone... Confiscate it, and mean it . If he plays that 'what if' emergencies card, think it through - how long's he had a phone? How many genuine emergencies have their been? How many times has he been in situations alone where emergencies could have developed, and if they had, would the phone have been an option/solution? Mobile phones have always been sold on the 'fear factor', but the reality is he can live wiothout it... Â Hope it all gets sorted soon <'> Â L&P Â BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted August 6, 2007 I'm so sorry that all this has blown up, and I really hope that Nick and Steve are OK, although Steve may be enjoying it more! It's horrible being caught in the middle, trying to do your best and not knowing what that is. I have to agree with Baddad about the phone. B doesn't have a phone, and is very bad at using the telephone generally. He doesn't need one though, because he's either accompanied, or if there was an emergency, he's always within screaming or yelling distance of someone. If Steve was limited to landlines, he couldn't keep playing Silly B*ggers and locking himself in somewhere to use a mobile. You may need to be the iron fist in an iron glove until September. Have you been able to talk to Nick? He's been pushed a long way today, and I suspect that if he'd really belted Steve, he'd have broken something. Hope you get support for both of your men. <'> <'> and lots of sympathy for the impossible position you have been put in. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted August 6, 2007 thankyou <'> <'> well they came back together,nick got a caution,steve has got a final warning and is to report to the station on 21st of this month to get it in writing  i have confiscated the mobile,baddads a clever old thing aint he,he remembered it was the 4th time,now i know he actually reads my posts  so for today,its all okish,they were both treated nice there,steven come back sheepish which is a good sign,lets hope the obsession is out of his system Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ellisisamazing Report post Posted August 7, 2007 Hev <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted August 7, 2007 Hev  <'>  I've only just seen this thread - glad it got sorted out eventually and the consequences weren't too serious.  I hope the final warning, plus confiscating the phone, does the trick and there are no more situations like this - it must be doing your nerves no good.  K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted August 7, 2007 thanks k,i think that saying living on your nerves was created for me i am pleased though because all these things have shown me that i can pick myself up the next day and start over which a few years ago would have never happened,i would have been ill for days over it all but im getting stronger  all calm here today,nick and steve not talking and to be honest im finding that easier,thankyou everyone for your replies <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted August 7, 2007 Hunni <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Devon mum Report post Posted August 7, 2007 Just seen this Hev and I'd like to add any positive thoughts that you may need even if they are a bit late! Glad they're home okay and I hope their relationship is still okay! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LittleRae Report post Posted August 7, 2007 (edited) Just saw this Hev - you poor thing. Glad it's sorted. Roll on September, eh? And don't worry, I'm sure Nick and Steve will sort themselves out after it's all blown over <'> Edited August 7, 2007 by LittleRae Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alyth_mum Report post Posted August 8, 2007 Hev ,what a horrid situation for you all to be in. Â Hope things are a bit more settled today. Â (Only just seen this thread <'> ) Â Louise Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted August 8, 2007 Hi Hev,  Sorry I am late to this. <'> <'> <'>  I get the feeling Steve is bored and has sensory issue's and pent up energy, and he is finding harrassing you and Nick as a novelty, and an adrenalin rush and he gets a real kickout of playing you as puppets and pushing your buttons.  There is a parenting program in Aust. called 'Tough Love' like some of the others have said you need to get tough Hev, whenever he does things that may normally make you react -be strong unphased, dont let him see you upset or crying as then he has won his little game. Think of him as a naughty little puppy that needs retraining, and believe in yourself Hev that you can step up and tighten the leash on this little monkey, and regain control, its a kind of power game at the moment. Steve needs boundaries, but Hev you and Nick need to go to one of these parenting courses; to regain your confidence, and bond or pact between you, that you can settle Steve down.  Look into things that could bring diversions and calm into his world. Some examples that I found helpful to keep B happy  Bedroom look at making this a place of calm, soft blues, look at sensory room websites for tips, get a basket ball and hoop, you all could enjoy this, or golf net and plastic golf balls, or a set of handweights, head phones for music, xbox or playstation, encourage to join you for a walk after your evening meal and look at the stars. Has he got a computer, etc.... just a few ideas here gradually he has a sensory world around him that gives him a diversion from YOU.  Just a few changes could be all you need Hev. Also, dont tell him about the parenting course, thats your secret weapon to regain boundaries.  Hope all improves very soon.  Love Fx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted August 8, 2007 Hi Hev, Sorry I am late to this. <'> <'> <'>  I get the feeling Steve is bored and has sensory issue's and pent up energy, and he is finding harrassing you and Nick as a novelty, and an adrenalin rush and he gets a real kickout of playing you as puppets and pushing your buttons.  There is a parenting program in Aust. called 'Tough Love' like some of the others have said you need to get tough Hev, whenever he does things that may normally make you react -be strong unphased, dont let him see you upset or crying as then he has won his little game. Think of him as a naughty little puppy that needs retraining, and believe in yourself Hev that you can step up and tighten the leash on this little monkey, and regain control, its a kind of power game at the moment. Steve needs boundaries, but Hev you and Nick need to go to one of these parenting courses; to regain your confidence, and bond or pact between you, that you can settle Steve down.  Look into things that could bring diversions and calm into his world. Some examples that I found helpful to keep B happy  Bedroom look at making this a place of calm, soft blues, look at sensory room websites for tips, get a basket ball and hoop, you all could enjoy this, or golf net and plastic golf balls, or a set of handweights, head phones for music, xbox or playstation, encourage to join you for a walk after your evening meal and look at the stars. Has he got a computer, etc.... just a few ideas here gradually he has a sensory world around him that gives him a diversion from YOU.  Just a few changes could be all you need Hev. Also, dont tell him about the parenting course, thats your secret weapon to regain boundaries.  Hope all improves very soon.  Love Fx could you give more details on this course i need to access it too as Nick is also a bully and very controling Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted August 8, 2007 (edited) could you give more details on this course i need to access it too as Nick is also a bully and very controling   Hi Soraya,  Just type into Google 'Toughlove Parenting' there are many websites here are a couple, but I also think any Parenting courses for Teens is essential for parents, survival tips, girls can be just difficult as boys.  Here are a few to read through on Toughlove Parenting:  http://www.toughlove.com/  http://www.toughlove.org.au/stories.htm  http://www.howtodothings.com/family-and-re...-parenting.html  http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.html  http://best-parenting.com/tough_love_parenting.php  http://www.toughlove.org.nz/  These are based around the globe but definitely worth reading and then try your community health or local council for something similar.  FWIW it certainly has received a lot of positive reports in Aussie thats why I am recommending it.  I hope you find something similar. But also 'sensory issues' there are many tips on this forum, like a few I suggested earlier, really worked for my son. Is another really good starting point.  F Edited August 8, 2007 by Frangipani Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted August 8, 2007 thanks f <'> <'> <'> will be taking a look at those links,thanks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted August 9, 2007 thanks f <'> <'> <'> will be taking a look at those links,thanks  Thinking of you <'> <'>  love Frangipan <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted August 9, 2007 Hi Soraya, Just type into Google 'Toughlove Parenting' there are many websites here are a couple, but I also think any Parenting courses for Teens is essential for parents, survival tips, girls can be just difficult as boys.  Here are a few to read through on Toughlove Parenting:  http://www.toughlove.com/  http://www.toughlove.org.au/stories.htm  http://www.howtodothings.com/family-and-re...-parenting.html  http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.html  http://best-parenting.com/tough_love_parenting.php  http://www.toughlove.org.nz/  These are based around the globe but definitely worth reading and then try your community health or local council for something similar.  FWIW it certainly has received a lot of positive reports in Aussie thats why I am recommending it.  I hope you find something similar. But also 'sensory issues' there are many tips on this forum, like a few I suggested earlier, really worked for my son. Is another really good starting point.  F thanks frangipan will look at the links tonight Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted August 10, 2007 (edited) thanks frangipan will look at the links tonight  <'>  Hev, Soraya,  I was just reading a link on this forum about CBT Cognitive Behaviour Therapy apparently Tony Attwood has written another book about CBT, I have found CBT very effective.  The Toughlove program and CBT will well and truly work wonders.  Here is the link, when I read it I thought of you Hev,  http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=8969  Here is a link for the book by Tony Attwood on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. One for anger and one for anxiety.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/193256521...4978740-8907630  http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1932565221...630#reader-link  love Frang. Edited August 10, 2007 by Frangipani Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted August 10, 2007 <'>  Hev, Soraya,  I was just reading a link on this forum about CBT Cognitive Behaviour Therapy apparently Tony Attwood has written another book about CBT, I have found CBT very effective.  The Toughlove program and CBT will well and truly work wonders.  Here is the link, when I read it I thought of you Hev,  http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=8969  Here is a link for the book by Tony Attwood on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. One for anger and one for anxiety.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/193256521...4978740-8907630  http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1932565221...630#reader-link  love Frang. thanks again frangipani it sounds really good Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites