Best of luck

[CEJesson]

Hey everyone,

 

after noticing a mixture of concern, apprehension, hope, and even joy that the summer holidays are nearly over, I'd just like to say a big Fingers Crossed to all parents on here with children with ASD's, and I hope that the new school year brings something above expectations, and that you have a trouble free time, I understand how hard the school time is for both parents and children, and by 'trouble free' I am relating to extra hassle to cope with such as instances of bullying, difficult school work and so on.

 

Best of luck for the new term and beyond

Edited August 30, 2007 by CEJesson

[wishingwell]

Thanks Chris

[Bagpuss]

Thankyou for your kind words Chris <'>

[pearl]

Aw thats nice Chris.

Seconded by me.

This is the first time EVER we havent had to do it, and we are walking on air.

[allie]

Thanks Chris,

Really kind of you.

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

thank you

am dreading next week

x

[LizK]

First day back was yesterday and it was pretty much ok. We don't usually get the fall out though until a week or two in so am not letting myself be lulled into a false sense of security The fact though that DS's teacher is the same and his LSA has gone up with him has made the transition easier, it's just a new classroom and some new children in his class (they mix the classes each year) so it's not as big a jump as it otherwise could have been

 

Lx

[venus]

Thanks, I am dreading taking my son to school on Tuesday, I remember last year,partner had two days off work so he could help me with Owen,good job he did too as he had to hold our son on the floor so I could get him dressed and then I had to walk to school carrying him ,with him crying all the way there.I remember picking him up from school that day and he just looked shell-shocked,it was truly awful. Partner has got two days off again this year ,my youngest has got to start nursery on Thursday as well, think I am going to have a couple of bad two weeks before it all settles down again. Best of luck to everybody as well.

[ASue67]

I am dreading next Tuesday. M is already telling me he doesn't want to go and he hates school.

They have mixed up the class this year (first time they have done it) and he has a new teacher who is also new to the school, and he goes on the upper playground where year 4 are the youngest pupils which he is dreading.

 

Last September was bad enough but the last 12 months have been worse than ever and I think that this school year is going to be hard work.

 

Good luck to everyone!!!!! <'> <'>

[tsmom]

Thank you

T goes back on wedensday shes normally ok for the first week then its goes wrong Fingers crossed for a good yr.

My poor son has a teacher who everyone prays their child doesnt get so i will be watching that one very close,so i could really do without Toria having problems as well.

[lil_me]

Thank you for this Chris, very thoughtful of you

 

Must say I am absolutely petrified. My oldest sons starting his SEN school we've fought for a place at on Tuesday but part of me is extremely wary of what might/can/probably will happen. Oh that plus managing to get him on a bus by 8.05am when I struggled to get him to the school behind my house for 8.55am! It's also going to be a very long day for him as he won't be getting home until almost 4pm.

 

To everyone facing the return to school/uni, either personally or for their children, I hope everything goes well for you.

[stressedmumto2]

Thanks Chris, that was very thoughtful. I am dreading next week. My son goes back on Thursday and as a child who is a school refuser we will just have to wait and see how it goes

[CEJesson]

No problem, once the week commences and if you have queries, im sure someone including myself could be there to help/assist.

[shadow cat]

My 16 yr old ds starts college this week he is really looking forward to it

 

my dd 14 is starting a specialist school but isn't starting till the 11th i am so nervous about this ,and how she will cope new school ,new transport etc and i just know i am going to cry the first day even though i am looking forward to a break x

[wilson]

Thanks Chris, and good luck at the University of Sheffield.

[llisa32]

Ahhh...Thanks Chris for the thought.

 

I'm feeling a bit sad for mine right now..he kept wanting lots of cuddles at bed time tonight (guessing he missed me while I was out today

 

I asked him if he was looking fwd to going back next thursday and he said 'yes, I'm looking fwd to seeing my friends again.

 

Then he said very matter of factly...'so and so child is everyones friend, he just goes up to everyone and asks them to play and they do'. I said, oh..well, 'are you going to try that? and he said 'nah...they just say no to me mostly...they don't usually want to play with me'

 

Upsetting thing is he says it so matter of factly ...I'm not sure if thats good or bad, but I can feel nerves on his behalf already now before we even get to next week!

[Pets74]

Phew!

 

got up, put uniform on, no complaining brushing teeth, bus pulled up, big smiley face, he got on, Big kiss for mamma (don't ask it's recent i am usually mommy) and sat down and strapped himself in.

 

hurrah!!!!!

 

only thing is i know he is in a new classroom this year with 2 new support staff so see how he is when he comes home.

 

Good luck to everyone.

[V1971]

Thanks Chris and thanks everyone, my son starts Reception on Thursday, I am a nervous wreck!

[pragmatic]

Thank Chris

 

 

This is a very appreciated wish which I wish to happen :notworthy:

 

 

Best of luck to you with your Uni work and life.

[smiley]

Thanks Chris <'>

 

I'm going to ask for that help now! Was going to start another thread - but i'll stick it here!

 

M is getting very nervous about school tommorrow. School have been fab - he will be in the same classroom, same 1-2-1, same workstation etc.... The teacher's coming to them

 

But, he's really worried about the bullying first time he's said anything to me, so i want to do something productive about it. He isn't normally able to express himself about things like this - and doesn't tend to transfer anything from one area of his life to the other iyswim...... So it wouldn't normally have occured to him to tell me about something at school - because i wasn't there.. Does that make sense?

Anyhow - he's been saying that some children say nasty things to him, and push him away at play time. Combination of what i would call real bullies, picking on him because he's an easy target, and his interpretation of something (ie; he would want a child to stop playing football, and play something with him - and will go on and on at that child until they shout at him......... He would be unable to see that the child wouldn't want to play with him right then).

 

So - some advice about how to deal with the real bullies - and how to go about teaching him about social rules?? (Minefield! )

 

I've written something in his home/school book and will have a word with his 1-2-1 and teacher.

 

He's a VERY visual learner - so any books/worksheets would be great.

[CEJesson]

Someone who I went to primary school with added me on facebook today Who I havent seen for a good while. In the comment included the line "I can still remember when you hit me in year 6"

 

.......... great thought to bring up again!

 

 

Social networking sites including facebook have meant I have become more open about my illness, especially when former 'friends' or 'semi friends' in reality add me, and say how are you doing, I remember you as....I now say I am much changed from Mr Angry.

Edited September 3, 2007 by CEJesson

[CEJesson]

Thanks Chris <'>

 

I'm going to ask for that help now! Was going to start another thread - but i'll stick it here!

 

M is getting very nervous about school tommorrow. School have been fab - he will be in the same classroom, same 1-2-1, same workstation etc.... The teacher's coming to them

 

But, he's really worried about the bullying first time he's said anything to me, so i want to do something productive about it. He isn't normally able to express himself about things like this - and doesn't tend to transfer anything from one area of his life to the other iyswim...... So it wouldn't normally have occured to him to tell me about something at school - because i wasn't there.. Does that make sense?

Anyhow - he's been saying that some children say nasty things to him, and push him away at play time. Combination of what i would call real bullies, picking on him because he's an easy target, and his interpretation of something (ie; he would want a child to stop playing football, and play something with him - and will go on and on at that child until they shout at him......... He would be unable to see that the child wouldn't want to play with him right then).

 

So - some advice about how to deal with the real bullies - and how to go about teaching him about social rules?? (Minefield! )

 

I've written something in his home/school book and will have a word with his 1-2-1 and teacher.

 

He's a VERY visual learner - so any books/worksheets would be great.

 

Thanks for asking this question - Firstly I can relate this to my own story (slightly) by copying a extracts and quotes from my diary/book below:

 

Initially they didn?t seem to realise I was odd, but they weren?t especially forthcoming to include me in anything.

 

 

It did hit ?friends? in the face at some point though, the fact I was different, probably when I slapped them in the face for sitting at my table or walking in front of me. Maybe it was because they were getting older, and more able to understand what was normal and what wasn?t. I?d say this was back in 1998, into year five. At the time, three or four of my closer friends left the primary school as they were moving to another part of the country. I became rather annoyed, as it appeared they were doing it deliberately. In reality there was nothing malicious about it, but I was too self-centred to think nothing of it.

This frustration continued into the school day, as there were less people to be around and I began seeking solace in the playground bench, sitting on my own pretending to be a multi millionaire pop star and singing made up songs about animals, trains and churches. I even drew a list of all past songs, dating years before I was even born! Fellow pupils picked up on this and thinking I was an oddity, stayed away, but the more expressive pupils would stare and laugh at me, calling me ?psycho? as a deliberate wind up, which did lead to what they expected, a rage and storming off. What they didn?t expect was grass down their uniform and mud on their faces as I had pushed to the ground.

This was the first form of verbal bullying I encountered, at the age of nine, at a time when Mum finally found sufficient medical help to see what the ?screw loose? was

 

Now normally I wouldnt post the above, but it helps towards my answer slightly.

 

I had major problems telling parents about bullying issues, and during Primary School the teachers would be the people telling them of my misfortune and grief, not me. I was at a primary school with a very good reputation for results, but not really for special needs education, and I was not well liked by the headteacher as she had to deal with me at least twice a day. Bullying was dismissed as something caused by my angry behaviour, rather than something to increase such behaviour.

 

Im glad to hear that M's school has been very cooperative, because having an illcommunicative school can create a bad environment for AS pupils.

 

What I would like to ask is M at a primary or secondary school? and....without intending to sound harsh... Does M have any 'semi friends or even friends at all' - by that I mean acquantances who he occasionally can tag along to in lessons only? or has he mentioned that lessons are equally 'isolated'? It is not uncommon for us AS sufferers to have even no one to communicate with, I certainly had bouts of that particularly into year 6. (shown above).

 

Rather than tackling the bullies by giving them a piece of my mind, I was encouraged to practice breathing techniques when feeling angry. My special needs assistant often pretended to be a bully during my 1-2-1 sessions, and would ask me to respond using the recommendations she had given (ignore, just respond with a yes or no, or attempt to walk with a more confident body language, and dont sit near people who disrupt). Eventually when confronted by the real bullies, I would know what to say, and walk on. Even to ignore. It was no quick process, mind.

 

I recommend the breathing techniques especially, although M must not be too 'vocal' when doing these, this will only stifle any ill treatment towards him. My special needs assistant would often take me out of lessons for 5 minutes to calm down and apply breathing techniques (breathe out longer than breathing in) - this may sound bad as M would have to go out and it would look embarrassing, I thought that at first, but if M becomes more confident and less inclined to get agitated due to teasing, then this event will look less obvious.

 

I would also like to know how M gets to school and back, because one of the worst times of bullying for me was on the school bus. The way you have to cope with that is far different from school because you cant really move to another place.

 

Teaching M social rules is a much wider strategy that comes with developing friendships, because bullying at secondary school became commonplace enough, I had no true friends but my social confidence improved dramatically as I was able to control my 'rages/anxiety more' - I had no more 'friends' but loads more aquaintances - didnt need to bother with them out of school, in fact I only bothered with 3-4 because the feeling was mutual from them.

 

There is always a good consequence with this - reducing anxieties may lead to reductions of bullying and also an increase in social skills and awareness of others. Again a lot of my social skills were developed just from being calmer, but also from attempting to communicate with people my own age in the way I had excelled with adults.

 

I recommend a list of 'example conversations' to be written down and given to M for him to read and practice. Having something on paper meant I engaged in it more and it stuck in my mind. If things are just said, in typical AS fashion the advice might go in one ear and out of the other.

 

 

It seems to me that M has identified who the worst characters are and who are 'marginally better' - I'd stay far clear of the worst people.

 

I do hope I have given some advice, but know full well I can say a lot more. For 'easy reading purpose' i'll let you have a look at this and then get back to you if you want some more information. Remember nothing is a quick fix though, It took 3 years for me to go over a month without a 'tantrum/rage'

 

 

Chris

Edited September 3, 2007 by CEJesson

[Pets74]

me

him.

 

did not go well.

[hev]

Thanks, I am dreading taking my son to school on Tuesday, I remember last year,partner had two days off work so he could help me with Owen,good job he did too as he had to hold our son on the floor so I could get him dressed and then I had to walk to school carrying him ,with him crying all the way there.I remember picking him up from school that day and he just looked shell-shocked,it was truly awful. Partner has got two days off again this year ,my youngest has got to start nursery on Thursday as well, think I am going to have a couple of bad two weeks before it all settles down again. Best of luck to everybody as well.

venus i hope all goees well on tuesday

 

good luck to everyone else <'> <'>

[smiley]

M's at Primary School (Juniors) - just about to begin year 4 (eight years old).

 

M doesn't really have many friends - more acquantances who are more tolerant/understanding (sounds dreadful - but true!). In the classroom, he doesn't see himself as part of his class - it's taken five years for him to name any more that five of his peers. He has face blindness - so i would guess they all look very alike to him.

 

Outside though, has become a different matter since he began Juniors - he will actively seek out other children and will try to play with them - which is excellent - but leads to the problems he's having now.

 

I try to encourage things like the breathing techniques - but at the moment we're still working on helping him understand his feelings before he has a meltdown.....

 

Getting to school and back is easy - we walk/drive . I'm lucky in that i work within his school, so i can take him into his classroom.

 

I really like the idea of 'example conversations' - that will work for him very well. We normally role-play (neighbours think i'm nuts! ), but something he can read through in his own time and whenever he choses to, would be perfect.

 

It seems to me that M has identified who the worst characters are and who are 'marginally better' - I'd stay far clear of the worst people.

This is one of the biggest problems for us. M doesn't / can't yet identify who the worst characters are. Which is why it's becoming so difficult for me to help him. He doesn't yet understand that it may be his behavour towards the children who he wants to play with which makes them angry with him. To him, they are all being nasty for no reason..

 

Thank you Chris - Given me lots to think about

[smiley]

me

him.

 

did not go well.

 

<'>

[Juney]

Thanks Chris for the good luck. I'll read this thread in more detail later as only 45 mins till DS leaves for his first day at secondary school. here I am trying to keep it calm. Big panic last night...how could I have forgotten I needed to teach him how to cope with his tie.. and he has no patience at all with this sort of thing. I've done a loose tie and he justs needs to slip it over his head and tighten it. Today is the first time he's managed to wear all the pieces of the new uniform at the same time!!! More nerves tomorrow first day on public transport with older DS in charge. Not sure how older DS feels - he hasn't had any choice. We have been practicing saying '40p please'

 

 

be back later

 

juney

Edited September 4, 2007 by Juney

[pearl]

<'> Juney <'> thinking of you & your son today

[forbsay]

Thinking of you today <'> <'> <'>

[pragmatic]

Hi All,

 

Just been to the school round DS1 starts secondary today- he looked completely lost and kept going in circles around each group of children. I really felt for him but I wasn't allow to enter the hall and was watching from behind the glass door. There was no SENCO no assistant, no one just the kids standing around I hope he is doing better by now; I am not sure that he even knows where I will pick him up from!! everything was so fast and chaotic (such a big school with a lot of big children ). He is only staying till 12.30 today and I will be there from 12 going round all the school doors in case he is waiting in the wrong place. DS2 and DS3 are starting new schools today as well (Y3 and Y1) each one of them in the opposite side of the school- I asked the Y3 one to wait in the class until I collect the younger one; he didn't seem happy but managed not to fight with me. Phew- I am really nerve wrecked

[brooke]

Good Luck to everyone and im all our children settle back in without too much upset for them <'>

[Juney]

Thanks for your kind thoughts. will be on tenderhooks all day.

 

I recommend a list of 'example conversations' to be written down and given to M for him to read and practice.

 

My son's asd teacher did this with my son in the form of bubble man, such as ' I am fine but I want to be on my own.'

 

 

the more expressive pupils would stare and laugh at me, calling me ?psycho? as a deliberate wind up, which did lead to what they expected, a rage and storming off.

 

My DS has always coped very well and managed to control himself very well, until one day last term, a lad that likes to wind him up constantly..was chatting ' you're mad, you're mad, you're mad' at him on the way home ... my DS had had enough..the culmination of weeks of bottling it up..and pushed this lad away... the mum of the lad saw and started swearing at my DS...when he got home he had the worst meltdown he had for years.. It took ages to work out what had happened and luckily a friend of my DS told me otherwise we would never have known.It was awful..luckily school were good and realised that it was weeks of tauting that had made him push.

 

juney