is it normal?

[mel]

I took my son to the paed yesterday. Our first step on the long and windy dx ladder. He listened to everything i had to say, watched and played with DS and has referred us to behaviour specialist. We had aspergers in mind really but the paed, after watching and listening thinks its a little more than that. Trouble is, since going i keep finding myself wanting to cry. i keep looking at my happy little boy and it sets the tears off... i dont even know why im crying. i just am. is it just me or did anyone else feel like this?

[jb1964]

Hi Mel,

 

You're not alone - I think most people go through feeling like you do. My daughter was diagnosed last November and I if I'm out walking the dog now - I just find the tears rolling down my face thinking about everything and anything. Sometimes the reality even though you've thought it smacks you in the face and makes your heart bleed.

 

It's a very emotional and stressful process to go through.

 

Take care,

Jb

[DaisyProudfoot]

<'> <'> <'> Yes it is normal.

 

It's because when you do get the dx it makes you realise what the future may hold.

 

At the end of the day he's still the same little boy and a dx (whatever it will be) make life easier for him and you in the long run

[lainey]

hi mel

 

i'm exactly the same i can't even think about him or talk about him without crying been like this for almost 2 years since dx lainey

[annie]

<'> Mel <'>

 

It's not just you . I felt the same too. It doesn't matter how much you already had an inkling youself that your child has difficulties, the diagnosis process brings out all sorts of emotions .

 

We're here when you needs us.

 

Annie

<'>

[Paula]

My son is now 12 i also went through the process of crying most days for months if not years on end.Still do now when things arent going well and youre faceing another battle.

 

Its only natural.For me it was like a greiving process.I was mourning the loss of the son i thought i had and all that i had hoped and dreamed for him.Realiseing that these things might never be.

 

 

Thing is though you eventually have new dreams for them new goals and you rejoice at the child you have.It does come eventually but takes time.Dont bottle it up talk to youre partner hes prbabley fealing the same.

 

Everyone on here has been exactly where you are or is there at the moment.

 

<'>

[Suze]

Mel , I remember feeling just that way <'> ..........I cried, and still do on occassion if my ds is having difficulties.Take care, Its god the pead listened to you, you,ll get there in the end.Suzex

[tmf]

<'> <'>

 

You are certainly not alon with this one! When my i had to go for my sons dx, i was expecting the result, because on the meeting prior to it she suggested AS and told us to read up on it, so it was of no great suprise. Anyway when i returned home to collect kids from childminders, i took one look at my ds and sobbed my heart out...christ knows how i would have been if i wasn't expecting it!

 

And like the others, i still find some days so hard i just break down and ask why me??? i then look at him and know he is still my little boy that i love just as much today as the day he was born!

[col]

Yes i do, I have yet to get my DD8 assessed for ASD. But i do have times when i am very emotional. Normally it's when i'm trying to get something for one of them and it's constantly feeling like i'm bashing my head against a brick wall.

 

The major things that make me tearful at the moment is... DD8 who ican see a lot of ASD signs in her but her school are unwilling to assess her as they don't want to "formally label" her. They rather understand her without the label???

 

DD7 who i feel has a lot of dyslexia signs, and just when i thought she was going to get properly assessed by the specialist teacher, find out that all she doing is the screening test. The school teachers and the LSA have been giving me a load of rubbish as i have asked them is this the proper test? they said yes, she will get the dyslexia dx after this? they said yes!! they were fed a lot of rubbish by the so called specialised teacher.

It's NOT the proper dyslexia test! she won't have the dyslexic dx only that she may be at high risk! This does mean more testing... more waiting and from the EP.

Who i can quarentee will do her best to not assess my DD.

 

DS2 who i want to be assessed by The Nuffield Hospital at Kings Cross. I need a referral and no one will refer him. The most annoying and upsetting thing is that DD8 went to the Nuffield unit and DD7 is about to have intensive therapy with them.

Both of them got referred and the person who referred them can't refer my son due to potential costs!! AKA speech therapy etc.

 

So yes i do cry, i tend to cry alot and am very surprised that i have not yet visited the GP for the happy pills.

[justamom]

Mel, we have all felt like you at some stage.... When we got our dx even though expected it was like a tone of bricks hitting me full on. Strange reaction i know even when you kinda know what the out come will be. As they say its a roller coaster of emotions on minute up and the next down.

 

Chin up me luv

 

Justamom

[mel]

Thank you all... its good to know its normal to feel this way. think im gonna have to take shares in kleenex tho. Ah well. on with the fight. thanks again. <'>

[asereht]

I still look at my son and feel like crying some days .It's not that I am not happy with him the way he is. I mourn for what he misses out on and all he has to go through and put up with from other kids etc.

 

Thing is I don't think he's much bothered!

[Bullet]

Tom is going through his multidisciplinary assessments now and they have been gently hinting to prepare us. Eg the Educational Psychologist said "would it be a shock to you if he was on the spectrum? " and "What are your thoughts on education?". The SALT said "we have been talking and the conclusion we're coming to, well, it's probably one you've come to yourself". But at the moment I don't know whether they are going to say "yes, he has got autism," or whether they will decide he doesn't fit enough criteria, so will say it's a language disorder. I know there is something different about him, so whatever they say won't be a total shock, just as long as he can get the help he needs.

[curra]

Hi Mel,

 

it's a very normal reaction. Before the dx I was in denial for years and was terrified of the label until my son was dx and reality hit me on the face. At first I was like I didn't feel anything but soon after it I became very tearful. Even now I cry at times when he has problems. Other parents in our support group say they have gone through a similar emotional rollercoaster.

<'>

Curra

[butterflycake]

Hi Mel, i know exactly how your feeling. When my son was diagnosed in Feb i thought the paed would say Aspergers. But she said its asd which i know now is worse. I cry sometimes, i think a good cry sometimes helps. Everyone on this site feels the same, its like a kind of grieving. I get angry at myself a lot of times as i feel my genes caused this. But i know thats wrong. I cant imagine what my sons future will be like and even though my other son has adhd its the youngest im worried about the most as hes only saying a couple of words and doesnt have a good understanding. I give my 2 eyeq liquid and since my youngest has been taking it he started to say a couple of words again so i would recommend it. Before i started him on it over a month ago he wasnt saying a thing. He stopped talking about 16 months old so im glad he is saying words such as up and daddy.

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'>

[bid]

Mel <'>

 

For years I would be walking along the street and find tears running down my face

 

It is recognised that parents of children with special needs do go through a version of the grieving process...although unlike a bereavement, they don't ever really come out of the other side, as it were...they just spend more and more time in the acceptance phase as time goes by. Although I have found that any crisis pitches me back into the anger or depressive/numb phase

 

Oh well, at least we're not alone, and we really do know how we all feel <'>

 

Bid <'>

[Brook]

I think everyones said it all. <'> <'> <'>

 

I've never felt like I'm grieving for a son that I was expecting, but feel soooo sad seeing the

stresses that he faces, also I worry for the future as most of us do.

My son was dx nearly four yrs ago and I still get days when I get very emotional.

but they do lessen.

 

We love our kids more than life itself, that's why we feel every knock they feel.

And with the risk of sounding extremely gushy, which I'm gonna anyway my son also brings

me a huge amount of joy and laughter and I wouldn't ever want to be without him.

 

Know how youre feeling Mel. <'>

 

Brook

[Kathryn]

Hi Mel,

 

I still do feel like this, and it's a good two years since my daughter's dx. Not all the time, but the most trivial things can set me off unexpectedly.

 

<'> <'> <'> to you, and as time goes on, I hope you have more 'up' than 'down' days.

 

K x

[Malika]

Hi Mel <'> <'> <'>

 

I had those low feelings for nearly 2 years now and no matter how much more knowledge I got about the condition I feel the same I suppose the only thing which could help, would be to be reassure about H future seeing him stressed and upset becouse of his own misunderstanding (coz his condition) or because he feels lonely at school really triger my emotions, but the future is my worry as I am going to be 50 soon and my health is not very good H sister has difficulties on her own and cannot deal with H very well H has no contact with his father or any member of that side of the family the only blood relative who cares is my mum who is nearly 84, my partner is having now a very good relation with H but what would happen if I was no lomger here ....

When H is coping better I feel hopeful but then a bad time coming over bring back the anxiety.

 

Take care. <'> <'>

 

Malika.