lindy-lou Report post Posted May 21, 2006 India has developed a habit of asking me wether im happy,it is driving me absolutley crazy,she must have asked me over 100 times today already,if i say no because her behaviour is naughty or she is ignoring what ive asked her then she says im sorry mum,i have asked her to stop asking me all the time and that i am happy,and she says ok,but 2 minutes later she says are you happy mum. I dont know why this has come about but its driving me to distraction,i cant ignore it,she does not tolerate me ignoring her,she will just get louder and louder til either i shout or she loses the plot,i dont know what to do. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted May 21, 2006 (edited) Hi hun, My son has huge problems recognising emotions, and he has days where he will constantly ask me. He's just confused and looking to me for answers IYKWIM. We've begun to do some work with the pychiatrist - trying to help him recognise emotions and express himself - and this seems to help. He also does it alot more if he's upset, but can't tell me. His 'round-about-way' of telling me....? <'> Edited May 21, 2006 by smileymab Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy-lou Report post Posted May 21, 2006 It seems to be that she needs approval that her behaviour isnt making me unhappy,she asks me alot if she has done something naughty,and if i say no to it if she has made me mad,then she has to say sorry til i agree i am happy,its not so much am i happy but am i happy with her,but it is non-stop and its hard to say yes im happy constantly when i feel anything but because of the constant questionng. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
board Report post Posted May 21, 2006 my daughter 6 aspergers is like that when she sees me crying she will say o no not again will i have to cry now she dose not understand when someone is happy or sad jill Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted May 21, 2006 The first words out of my dd mouth every morning without fail is "do you love me" followed by "do you love giving me huggles" . She then continues to ask me continuously all day the same questions, with also "are you alright mum" over and over again. The response, "yes" seems to calm her. I think with us all about repetition and she doesn't understand what she's asking, but feels a sense of calmness when I answer. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justamom Report post Posted May 21, 2006 (edited) Does she just need reassurance because she cant tell if you are happy?? Do you think its that she can't tell ?? I know how frustration it can be when they dent let up on something and get louder and louder until you wanna explode. Edited May 21, 2006 by justamom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bullet Report post Posted May 21, 2006 Not quite the same thing, but when I was about nine I went through a stage of having to say "hello" all the time. I had absolutely no idea then, it was just something that had to be done and I still don't know now. The closest I can get is that I liked the sound of the words, they seemed to have "weight" That wasn't very helpful to you, was it? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted May 21, 2006 (edited) Yes Lindy-lou, similar in our house. My daughters 12 and will repeat and repeat questions like you've said until you feel like you're going to explode. Usually it is 'do you love me?' or 'you hate me don't you? etc - to which you have the yes of course I do loads and loads or the no I don't but sometimes your behaviour makes me sad - and repeat, repeat, repeat until eventually my voice starts to get a bit harder and then it's a new ball game over and over again. Take care, Jb Edited May 21, 2006 by jb1964 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy-lou Report post Posted May 21, 2006 Thanks for your replies,its so hard sometimes,she has not been well today either and has been quite stressful,i cope most of the time but some days i just feel like my head is gong to pop off with it all At least i know im not on my own,thanks guys x <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarerQuie Report post Posted May 21, 2006 Sometimes I think that it is down to the fact they often don't recognise facial expressions.She might think that happy=a smile on your face all the time. Things have got easier in this respect because DS has followed a programme in school to do with facial expressions.He now sometimes says 'I don't understand what your face means'. However,repetitive questioning seems to go with being on the spectrum;we haven't eascaped THAT yet!!!xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisann Report post Posted May 22, 2006 Hi all Char will often say I am good boy mom ? He says it over and over the other one he says is Are you impressed? I think he genuinely doesn't know when he is good or what I am feeling through facial expression body language etc.... The repeating doesn't half drive you mad tho!!! Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mel Report post Posted May 22, 2006 if im not smiling DS asks constantly if im cross. other times am i happy. over and over again. i think he just doesnt understand the difference in expressions. if i am playing with him but speak sharply he gets really confused. everything has to be black and white. he doesnt do shades of grey bless him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 22, 2006 Wow, I didn't really this was that common! William asks me all the time 'are you alright?'... especially when I'm busy when I obviously look quite grim. I made a joke today and was smiling as I did, and he said...'I knew that was a joke because you were laughing'.... makes you realise how difficult it is for them to guess moods and context by facial expressions. lindy... I understand exactly what you mean when you say it's driving you crazy... I'm very patient normally but when this is constant 'are you alright' is going on it drives me up the wall Luaren Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
barefoot wend Report post Posted May 22, 2006 I think there are two things going on here. The first, as others have said, is the inability to judge emotions so needing to be told. The other is that I often think that my son has no concept of 'love continuing' (if that makes sense). Where most of us understand that a person who says that they love us do so all the time, a person with AS only believes it at the actual time it's being said. They don't carry that reassurance of love with them. I know this sounds like complete gobbledygook but I think it's certainly true for us. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PinkSapphireAngel Report post Posted May 22, 2006 Lauren, I can't believe there is someone else going through that too Luke asks so many times "Are you alright?" no matter how many times we answer you can guarrentee he will ask again shortly after. Also he has this habit of sort of cuddling us at the most awkward times bless him and I know it might sound awful but they don't feel like sincere cuddles (if that makes any sense) I just think he does not know what else to do. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy-lou Report post Posted May 22, 2006 so will she do it forever? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yoyo Report post Posted May 22, 2006 I think there are two things going on here. The first, as others have said, is the inability to judge emotions so needing to be told. The other is that I often think that my son has no concept of 'love continuing' (if that makes sense). Where most of us understand that a person who says that they love us do so all the time, a person with AS only believes it at the actual time it's being said. They don't carry that reassurance of love with them. I know this sounds like complete gobbledygook but I think it's certainly true for us. I am like this with people I don't know and it is impossible to make lasting friendships as I lose confidence in people so easily. I could not reunite with my natural family after adoption as I could not trust that they accepted me. My natural father who has AS could not understand this at all - I can see why as he only understands his own feelings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yoyo Report post Posted May 22, 2006 I have just thought about the emotional section of the sensory questionnaire, which this thread relates to. Apart from the tantrums I am like every heading in that section. I often ask my husband if he is ok and if he loves me ( he is amazingly wonderful) but I fear that I cannot read his face and often think he is cross when he isn't. It is had to realise that I am stuck like this! Gill Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted May 22, 2006 I can tell when someone is very happy with me, or if they are very cross, but I can't tell what they are feeling if they are sort of 'neutral'. It drives J mad as I then ask 'Are you cross with me?', because I genuinely can't tell Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 22, 2006 bid I do this too!! When I'm talking to people I know well I often stop in the middle and ask them what they are thinking. I've done this for years and hardly even know I'm doing it. If it's someone I don't know very well I fiddle with my hair which gives me an excuse to look away. I caught myself doing this at the doctors today when I was talking about William. Strange creatures we are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted May 22, 2006 You know our trouble! Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sallya Report post Posted May 23, 2006 My son does this too, "mum do you love me?" "mum, am I a good boy" "mum, are you cross with me?" I answer him with another question "what do YOU think?" It gives him a chance to work out if he thought he knew but wasn't sure, or if he was right with what he thought. Most of the time he is right, but he needs me to tell him that he's right, not just for reassurance, but because guessing is hard for him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
