DaisyProudfoot

He can't be autistic because he: "Seems to be very intelligent when I've spoken to him" That's because he is dammit!

Welcome to the forum, Coffee for me, can't start the morning without it - is that an addiction? Daisy

Hi Nikrix, It is can be very difficult for siblings to understand what is going on - my AS son is one of five, one is his twin (9 years) and the others are 13, 15 and 21 months. My 15 year-old visits this site as "Destrum" and has found advice very useful as he found they way we treated Martin as unfair and couldn't understand why. There are quite a few books out there for siblings and I'm certain someone else will be able to list them for you as my memory is not good From my experience with my own kids it comes from confusion - you can explain and explain, but lets face it how is an 11 year old going to understand when we as adults have difficulty coping. One thing that worked well with Martin's twin was the comment: "You both have the same genetics so if he's stupid then does that make you stupid too?" A bit low I know but she never called him it again. Why not gave him a little game and do it with him to give him some personal time. To look up some people's names on the internet: Einstein, Motzart, Bill Gates, Andy Warhol etc. Let him find out a few details about how clever they are, and what a difference they have made to the world and then when he has done that ask him what they all have in common - when you explain that they all most likely share your daughter's characteristics it may bring it into perspective for him . Keep strong, Daisy <'>

Yeah, I can relate to all this. My dad says: "he never does that at our home." all the time! No, dad he doesn't - he is 9 years old and does have some knowledge of how to conform out of his own "safe" situation. So out came good old Mr Attwood's book AGAIN and I read my mum and dad the piece about Jeckyll and Hyde AGAIN. Isn't it all so infuriating

Martin wanted to be a demon (again!!) - one of his strange interests linked to computer roleplaying games. This year we bought wings, hairy hands, a mask, red hair spray and a demon staff. He wouldn't wear the wings or the hands at all because he didn't like the feel of them, wore the mask and the hair spray and the staff plus his everyday red hoody. He loves the idea of dressing up but hates the actual activity. He went to a party last night but got very over-excited which I don't think went down too well with some of the parent's of younger children. Classic comment was about his friend's mum: "I know why Tracy wasn't at church this morning, she was preparing the house for Halloween!" I love the idea that church had to be put on hold for a pagan festival! Daisy

When we told Martin (aged 9) he said "so?" and went back to doing whatever it was. It's taken him around 4 months to understand and he still doesn't get Aspergers Syndrome - he calls himself "Autistic" and leaves it at that. I think it probably just takes time. Daisy

NT female with one AS son plus three NT sons and one NT daughter. Hubbie verges on the AS but not dx

At home Martin rarely goes out to play unless it's with his big brothers or twin sister. He's far happier living in the land of "RuneScape" on the computer where he has loads of friends - although we have to monitor the kind of friends he has here. He does have a handful of friends at school - his closest friend also has AS but he leaves for high school next year - he tends to stick to one or two because the others "get him into trouble" he tells me. It doesn't bother me because it doesn't bother him - it's how he prefers to live his life. Daisy

I've never had a problem with Martin and the dentist (haircuts - now that's a different story) but he just sits in the chair going "ow, ow, ow" in a voice that's so monotone (kind of like Eeyore would do) you can't help but laugh so he sees the trip as quite amusing really. The dentist gets worn out because every time he picks up a different instrument Martin's like: "what is that one for?" and won't be satisfied until he's had the full explanation. Perhaps the dentist explaining the treatment as he goes along may help your son to cope better. Actually it's me who hates the dentist's chair Daisy

Hi Julie, Welcome to the forum - this is the bestest place ever Socks and Coats. Martin (who is also 9 and was dx in June) has a big thing with socks. For many years we couldn't get them off his feet. He would wear the same pair all day and all night until we could eventually get him to change them. His psychologist says its the sensory thing - he probably didn't like the feel of the carpet on his feet when he got out of bed. He has a different carpet now and now we have difficulty getting him into socks He has this lime green pair of socks which we notice come out when he's particularly stressed - infact that's sometimes how we can judge what kind of day he's going to have, depending on the lime green socks status. He had them on yesterday, we didn't comment to Martin although my husband did note: "It's a lime green socks day, better beware." Anyway it turned out they were having tests at school that day so all explained! And Coats - he won't wear one - he will wear hoodies, especially a favourite red one. He got wrong for wearing it at school last week from someone who didn't know his condition and got so distressed about it he ended up giving himself a massive nosebleed poor thing. Hang in there - getting a diagnosis does help a lot, we're already reaping the benefits for Martin both at school and at home - once you've got over all the negative aspects of AS you'll find a fascinating person in there - albeit hard work. I have 5 kids so I sympathise with you, it can be hard giving the attention he requires and will take a while for your other kids to understand his difficulties but you get there in the end. By the way have a look at this website http://www.autism-in-scotland.org.uk It may prove quite useful along with the OASIS one mentioned earlier which is fab! Weclome to the team, Daisy

Just thought I'd like to share this bit of good news with you all - Martin is finally getting on with the toddler and the answer was so simple! Background to this is, I originally had 4 kids (Martin youngest twin) then I "inherited" a nephew at 16 months old. Since his arrival Martin has had terrible problems adjusting to him, he tried to play but didn't understand when the baby didn't want to, he even followed his twin sister's actions but still things went wrong and things were getting pretty bad with Martin getting aggressive towards the toddler and the toddler getting scared of Martin. One day I had had enough so I took Martin and the baby(now 20 months) into the kitchen and asked M why he was getting like this as it wasn't fair on the baby. M replied "what did it matter as the baby didn't understand him anyway." FINALLY WE HAD HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD! M believed that because the toddler couldn't communicate properly with him he therefore couldn't understand him either. I explained that at the moment the toddler could understand what you said to him but couldn't respond clearly as his vocal cords weren't completely formed yet and the best way to get him talk more clearly was to talk with him and explain what you were doing when you play with him. Just because he didn't talk properly didn't mean he wasn't intelligent. It was a complete transformation Martin took him, chatted to him, played with him and has been treating his wonderfully ever since. The other day the toddler gave him a huge hug <'> and Martin said: "Why is he hugging me?" I told Martin it was because the little one loved him and that was how he showed it. Just the way we hug Martin to show him we love him too. And guess what, he hasn't told the baby he's stupid or anything since then and plays with him. We still get the occasional winge from the little one when Martin overstays his welcome in the play department but Martin has learned to back off now when toddler gives the winge signal which is fab! Very happy, Daisy

Finally managed to see this and made the whole family watch it too which was very helpful for us all I think. Had a few tears in my eyes mind. Everytime the kids said "That's just what Martin does/did" I felt we'd cleared another hurdle. Even Martin pulled himself away from the computer on a couple of occasions when he heard familiar things being said. My only concern was although it was sensitively dealt with there seemed to be this suggestion that just by changing these few things AS kids are suddenly OK, which we know is not true because issues change as the child gets older. Shame there's not more programmes like this one - well done Auntie Beeb. Daisy

My twins are 9 - male has AS, female is NT but sometimes shows traits. Other kids are all NT. My mum feels Martin's AS became really noticeable when the twins were put in separate classes in school, up until then he had come to rely on his twin sister to organise them both. They spent a year apart and now back in the same class - needless to say she is organising again and he seems OK with that Daisy

That is an excellent idea I know my son would appreciate somewhere he could talk to others Daisy

Hey Forbsay, How'd the parent's evening go? - Was it OK? Daisy

I voted for females but that's because I have never dealt with males and Martin's AS yet. All the school teachers are female, all the medical folk are female. The only male was an educational psychologist about three years ago when I first brought Martin's problems to the school's attention and he dismissed it after one questionnaire, didn't even interview Martin. Martin is now dx AS, but no males have been involved (apart from hubby of course!)

Here goes: R.O.C.K. R. Repeat What You Say and Do * when you start the game * when you play the game * when you end the game O. Create Opportunities for Your Child to Take a Turn * Plan when you will offer your child a turn * Plan what turns your child can take * Create new opportunities for turns as your child progresses C. Cue your Child to Take his Turn * Give explicit cues when your child doesn?t know how to take his turn (e.g., hand-over-hand physical help, complete verbal models) * Give natural cues once your child is familiar with the game or song (e.g., waiting, looking expectant, asking questions) K. Keep it Fun! Keep it Going! * Be lively and animated * Make the interaction last as long as possible * Generalize new skills with other people, with other things and in other places Also see link: http://www.hanen.org/Hanen2002/pages/Learn...ordsArticle.htm Hope it helps, Daisy

Hooray, will watch it then - and I don't care what's on this time!! Thanks for letting us know Daisy

Well done Ryan will be really settled now, I know what a difference it made to my friend's granddaughter and she was 13 before she was moved to a special school. Daisy

Didn't get to watch it as I was outvoted by the rest of the family wanting to watch the new series of Stargate SG1 (which was good I might add). Anyway let us know when it's repeated on BBC1 and I will move heaven and earth to watch it then. What I need is one of those hard drive boxes that records other digital programmes. Daisy

Yup that's him. Red haired kid. Can't wait to see him on stage supporting Motorhead. His teacher is concerned that he won't be able to return to real life after the experiment is over but I'm sure he will. Not sure if I'm watching it for the show itself or just Josh now Daisy

Hear, Hear! This is a marvellous, marvellous place . It's not only given our whole family strength and confidence it's given us assertiveness to go out and get what we want from the schools, the medical profession et al. The Batcave leaves me a bit bewildered - not sure whether I should be joining in or not - are there rules? (feel it bit like an AS kid in the playground when I go in there! ) but it's such fun to read, so I'm happy . Well done to everyone - aren't forum's brilliant! Daisy

Go for normal, no efforts required, they want to see her as she is. The third home visit my son (aged 9) had he totally ignored the paedetrician! I asked him to come off the computer to sit down and chat to her and he just gave monosylabic answers and went straight back on Paedetrician got so exasperated that she ended up sitting there with her eyes closed just to calm down. Didn't help that the toddler was demanding all the attention at the time either Daisy

Son's form teacher and SEN (one in the same person) - that woman is a godsend. She told us to forget about going through the education system and go to our GP instead - natural progression followed and he was dx within a few months. Daisy