Mihaela

I'm sorry, but this isn't my area. All I can say is that LA's cannot be trusted. They're motivated more by cost considerations and short-term expedience than by a child's welfare. Just be wary, and try to keep one step ahead of them.

No, you're not an exception, LL, for HP isn't my type of reading matter, and not my type of film. They do nothing for me. Like you, I've only seen one film - all very technologically clever, but little more. I only like novels and films that evoke deep feelings within me, and make me think or expand my mind in some way. I find so much mass-produced modern literature bland, shallow, disturbing or sensational.

I completely agree with you, Livelife. Allowing exceptions on religious grounds is wrong. I makes a mockery out of so-called 'humane' slaughter regulations. The meat industry is cruel enough without having to add further to the cruelty. Animals have no voice. They don't choose to be killed, whether humanely or not.

You're not alone, Middle Earth. I feel that every day, but I hope that my talents compensate for my weaknesses. All we can do is our best and live good lives. Nothing else matters.

I'm so pleased to hear the good news, Penny. Maybe now things will start to get better at last. At least the diagnosis came decades earlier than mine. I agree with Livelife about unenlightened schools and inadequately-trained doctors. It's all very much a matter of luck and being able to persist. Many parents/carers unfortunately give up too soon, and allow themselves to be fobbed off - which causes so many problems in the future. This just isn't right. Congratulations!

Welcome, Moonlight (I like the name)! If your happy with the way you are, by all means, keep it that way... I'm 100% happy with being who I am, however, I'm not happy about how the NT world treats me. I have my ways of coping with sensory issues, which I can't avoid, but the NT world can avoid being cruel and uncaring towards people who are harmless but 'different'. The problem doesn't lie in our difference, but in their intolerance, inhumanity and discrimination. I grew up in a rather old-fashioned family with parents fixated on their ideas what children should be like and who they should become, thus being a constant letdown, constantly compared to my sister who fit their ideals. school was a nightmare, constantly being bullied by classmates for being "strange" or "different", i was never able to make any real friends like the rest. Me too, but although my parents were ambitious for me, they accepted my limitations and loved me. School was the worst time of my life, and I've had many bad times since - all caused by the NT world's lack of humanity. ...unlike the rest i dont unwind as easily and most of my energy is spent day-in, day-out to shutting myself in my room, in my own world, pretending RL is just a dream and i actually am someone else, somewhere else where there is either no people, or people very different from the ones i see on a day to day basis. Exactly how I feel!! Very accurately put. I hate the fact i dont often understand other people... We can't understand them - simply because of the way we are, but at least we try. They don't even bother to try to understand us. They are ones at fault; not us. They don't suffer the stress that we do, and they even cause us so much of that stress - sometimes intentionally. So no, I don't hate the fact that I don't understand them. In a way, I'm very glad that I don't - for what I see of that world is hardly edifying or comforting. I live in that world by sufferance and chance of birth, but thankfully I'm not of that world. I hate the fact i cant seem to make any friends despite i really really want to, i simply cannot seem to connect to people. I guarantee that you'd connect with me, and that we would be friends - because we talk the same language. I hate i cant multitask and am extremely forgetful because my head is filled with so much worries, because the way i am everything seems ten times harder than it should be, than it seems to be for anyone else. Yes! Me again. Welcome to the executive dysfunctional club! You're far from alone There are so many things i want to do, but i cant, because i cant drive, whether or not i tried to learn for it, because my processing speed is simply too slow, not to mention the lack of my spacial awareness and observation skills, busses make me feel anxious and confused and i find it terrifying to go to unfamiliar places by myself, and since i got no friends im stuck. Yes, again. I can only travel on a bus if I take one of my cats with me. I panic at the slightest thing, get confused when counting my fare, burst into tears in public, etc. I cant cope with full time employment like the rest, am unable to enjoy physical intimacy, am constantly struggling with social cues ending up people thinking of me as weird or sometimes accusing me of being downright rude and i simply cannot understand why, being rotated around at work causes anxiety and panicing and i could go on and on. I've done a lot of voluntary work in my life, but couldn't possibly cope with 'normal' work. I've tried it and it was a disaster. So if there was a cure that would help me live my life to the full and allow me to be who i want to be without the constant stress, fear and exclusion/isolation, bring it on. The only cure is for the NT world to show more compassion, tolerance and understanding for people like us. It's not impossible, for they already do it with 'visibly' disabled people of all types.

Hello, Livelife, and welcome! I too have had numerous autism-related problems throughout my life - and they continue. It was only after my mother's death that I began to realise what the cause of my problems could be, and I was only diagnosed about six months ago. I'm determined that the diagnosis will work in my favour for I've suffered more than enough. Same here about friends. I have online friends and a few I'm in contact with in real life, but I don't have what others would call a 'social life'. I find others on the spectrum much less stressful than having to deal with neurotypical people - who I simply can't understand. I don't get lonely and never get bored for I like my own company and have so many interests, but I would like to meet more people like ourselves. Only you know what your capabilities are, and having a diagnosis has helped to explain my lifelong executive dysfunction and inability to cope with money or the the madness of the NT world.

Welcome, Florence! Although I'd go along with Livelife's reply, having a diagnosis can prove very useful for you at any time in the future. It also confirms what we suspect, and gives peace of mind. It's up to whether you let your employer know. That list is so very like my own, and I've been diagnosed without much trouble - a very late diagnosis for I only realised I was on the spectrum after my parents died. She photocopied the list said it's too difficult to get an Adult Diagnosed and said it could just be a personality disorder. She referred me for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and that was that. This is disgraceful! Too difficult? Nonsense! More and more adults are being diagnosed. She clearly knows very little about ASC's. From my experience, it seems that GPs are almost routinely trying to screen out adult diagnoses, and even those of older children. I was told that there was no funding in the area, until I reminded them that it was my right to have a diagnosis. Suddenly, everything changed and I got one. The whole process took about 3 months. CBT can help to a degree with the anxiety and OCD issues, but it can't change our genetic make-up. Your anxiety and depression is being caused by the underlying condition. It's so common, especially when women seek ASC diagnosis, to be fobbed off or misdiagnosed by GPs. Anyways, I'm still struggling and still haven't had an appointment for CBT yet. The more time goes on the more I'm struggling with everything. I've been back to the GP and they just keep saying I have to wait for the CBT appointment, it's been 5 months since I was first referred. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is so wrong! I know exactly what it's like having to wait. My support is only just beginning, and all the waiting has caused my mental health to deteriorate - panic attacks can happen several times a day, OCD has taken me over, etc. I'm on the waiting list for CBT, and they told me it would take six weeks. But for you CBT isn't the answer. It's only dealing with a couple of symptoms; it's not addressing the cause. Diagnosis is what you need, which will then entitle you to any support you'll need - throughout your life. Could I have ASD? How would I go about asking to be referred to somebody who knows a bit about ASD and mental health? Reading your list of traits, I'd say pretty likely. You must insist on a referral to an autism specialist. Nothing less will do. What does the adult diagnosis involve and is it worth going private for it? It's quite straightforward, and may involve a couple of 1-hour appointments - a diagnostic interview, information about your childhood (ideally from parents) followed by a simple test. I took the ADOS test which is designed to identify classic ('male-type') Asperger's syndrome. I don't have enough traits for a Asperger's diagnosis (I always knew that anyway), so I was simply diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum. I have nearly all the 'female-type' AS traits - as do you, it would seem. It's your right to have a diagnosis on the NHS, and in a reasonable time. I can always post the list in it's entirety if anybody is interested as I know it may help to have the bigger picture before advice can be offered. Yes, I'd be very interested. It might enable me to help you more.

Manon des Sources et Jean de Florette

FOG (pea-souper)

Home-educated? Vegetarian? Intelligent? Playing with proper toys rather than the internet? I wholeheartedly approve! I was an intellectually-gifted child with autistic traits, and at Oliver's age my most inspiring friend was our interesting, well-educated, next-door neighbour - ten times my own age! This man brought out my talents, treated me as an equal and gave me books intended for adult readers - books on insects, geology, architecture, maps, etc. He inspired my love of learning that has never left me, something that school did it's best to squash. The experience of school can damage people on the spectrum for life - especially those of us who are gifted in various ways. Years ago I was very active in the home education movement. I can well understand Oliver's need to write to people like us who can better understand him.

Asperger's syndrome come in many forms - one reaon why the diagnosis has now been dropped from the ICD & DSM. Stimming and clumsiness (dyspraxia) often accompany AS. Stimming is one very many coping mechanisms. You may fine that some of his strange behaviour, such as writing on walls, are simply bad coping mechanisms, and better ones need to be encouraged. Speech problems may sometimes be linked to AS, but socialisation skills are definitely a big part of AS. Oddly, you mention lying, which goes against the very strong tendency for people with AS to be honest - often 'too' honest. Similarly, cruelty to animals isn't typical AS either, for we tend to bond closely with animals - often more so than with humans. I still feel there's something more going on here. Apart from the sensory and anxiety issues of AS (and associated meltdowns), Aspie children cause little trouble. They're happy in their own world of special interests and keep to themselves.

Aventurine The name aventurine derives from the Italian "a ventura" meaning "by chance". This is an allusion to the lucky discovery of aventurine glass or goldstone at some point in the 18th century. (Wikipedia)

The annual 'Voice of Sighișoara' singing competition. Sighișoara is a world heritage site, and one of the most beautiful towns in Europe.

Chairman Mao

I sympathise with you. It must a nightmare coping with all that, day after day. It certainly doesn't sound like Asperger's syndrome to me. I'm not saying he doesn't have it, but that he has another condition, such as severe ADHD possibly. You must get a proper diagnosis and appropriate support as soon as you can. Obviously it can't go on the way it is. I'm sorry, but I can't help you any more. It's an area I know little about, but maybe somebody else here can help.

Yay!!!! Felicitari! Congratulations!

...for us 'interests come first'. Yes they do. It's our way of coping with all the sensory sensitivities, chaos and confusion of the insane NT world! After all NT people tend to just get on with it as they may very well have their own hobbies which do not include fashion or maintaining one's home/appearance/job and so on... True, but their hobbies aren't as important for their mental health. If we were deprived of our special interests we'd find it very difficult to manage day-to-day life. Or rather, even more difficult! We also tend to pursue our hobbies a lot more intensely than NT people. We can get carried away and lose sense of time. We allow nothing to get in the way. However many (but far from all) aspies and auties live in somewhat more 'institutionalized' settings eg with parents, group homes or supported living where many daily tasks are done for them. We devote more time to them because we need to. Our need to escape from the NT world, is something that NT people will never understand because they are part of that world, and accept it as normal and logical; I don't, and can't. I see it as hypocritical, deceitful, noisy, ugly, chaotic, selfish, greedy, violent, etc. Although I spent much of my time living away from my parents, every few weeks I stayed with them. This went on until they died, and now I realise that I simply can't manage on my own, so I've had to seek support - which itself was very difficult and stressful. The appalling way that I've been treated by 'officialdom' - who should know better - has added to my difficulties. It's as if they're intentionally making me suffer for being born with a particular genetic difference. That's not my idea of justice. Thus they do not live a so called 'normal' life and thus can devote more time to their hobbies! Exactly, so-called normal! Who are they to define normality? There's a great deal about their world that I feel is not normal at all. It may well be the norm in that world, but it's not normal in a moral sense, such as rampant consumerism, mass media manipulation, mass 'education', militarism, factory farming, obsession with money, etc. None of this 'normality' promotes our well-being.

I am! I'd be happy to meet you. Just leave me a PM

At last it looks as if your daughter will be getting the diagnosis she should have had a lot sooner. For those of us born much earlier there was no such recognition and we spent decades suffering as a result. (I was only diagnosed a few months ago). Even today, it's very much a postcode lottery. There's no point in attempting a diagnosis from somebody who is not a specialist in autism. Where are you? A hundred miles seems a long way off - unless you live on a remote Scottish island! Surely there's a more convenient autism team who can see her. (That off-putting year-long threat seems mean-minded to me). There's a also the little issue of the scrapping of the Asperger's syndrome diagnosis completely from the ICD-10 and DSM5 (their 'bibles') as well as scrapping PDD-NOS and Rett's syndrome - not to mention PDA which never got a look-in anyway! Officially Asperger's no long exists, and from now of we are simply classed as being somewhere on a spectrum, one end being 'low functioning, and the other 'high functioning'. These terms themselves can be very misleading, and often those of us at the high end miss out on support - to our detriment. I'm classed as 'high functioning' yet ironically my biggest difficulty is executive dysfunction! Despite having been an intellectually gifted child I'm very low-functioning when it comes to day-to-day survival - and needed my parents' support all my life. I was diagnosed as 'being on the autistic spectrum' as are so many others nowadays, when in fact I have what is commonly known as 'female-type Asperger's syndrome'. It is distinctly different to 'classic' AS (more often associate with males), and this too should have a proper diagnostic label in my opinion. The reason that these labels are so important is that treatment needs to be very different according to what type of autism we have. I say all this just to warn you of the complexities and chaos involved in the current system. Diagnosis depend very much on who conducts it. I'm presuming that you and your new GP are seeing signs of 'classic' AS in your daughter - most commonly associated with males. If so, you'll be relieved to know that diagnosis tends to be easier and more straightforward. She will be interviewed, and so will you (mainly about her early childhood), and she will be given a simple standard test (usually the ADOS test, which is suitable for all ages). It involves miming, describing the story in a picture book, making up a little story from random objects taken out of a bag, etc. It's quite bizarre, but has been proven to work. This tests for 'classic' Asperger's syndrome only, and doesn't properly work for 'female-type AS'. I hope this helps. Good luck, and please let us know how you get on.

I'm sorry I can't help. In my day there wasn't only no support on leaving school, but also no recognition of Asperger's - which made life unbearable at times. I hope you'll both be feeling a lot less anxious soon. It's not fair that we have to wait so much.

Sorry about the delay. Just a quick reply for now. Have you shown her your post and my reply? If so, how does she feel about it? If not, why not? For I'm sure it would help her understand both your point of view and herself a little better. It may help her to question the way she sees things and whether her feelings are really justified.

My daughter has had a tough time with bullying at school and ended up at a special provision for students with anxiety. She did well considering the amount of school she missed and passed her GSCEs. She started her A levels but dropped out as she couldn't cope with the number of people there. This sounds so familiar. I too was bullied at school (daily for about 5 years) and dropped out of A-levels (after a year) entirely due to the social aspects of school life. It was an intellectually gifted child and school did me great harm. She signed on for a time but this was traumatic for her being sent on courses etc. Eventually she decided to a different college. We thought it was going well and we're proud of her achievements but clearly it was not. She had a suicide attempt and turns out she was struggling at college but couldn't face signing on again. I feel for her, for I have felt just the same in the past. My parents were also proud of my achievements too, but it wasn't long before their hopes were dashed, time after time. I've told her that her health is more important and not to worry about that for now. I am worried sick about leaving her alone but also realise that she needs some space as an adult. I agree. Her health must always come first. I was dependent upon my parents, right until the day my mother died aged 94 in 2012. It was only after that that I learnt that I just couldn't cope, and that I'd been on the autism spectrum all along (recent diagnosis). Although 'protected' by my parents I was given my own space. I suffered many traumas in my life, possibly because they allowed me 'too much' freedom. It must be a difficult balancing at for you, as a parent. I don't know where we go from here. We've discussed work but all require contact with people and some sort of social skills. Currently she stays in her room a lot and avoids talking. She doesn't want to pursue any mental health help and I can't force her too. I too stayed in my room a lot, and had many silent periods, and I still tend to keep to myself, enjoying my own company, mixing only with a few others on the spectrum. We don't really change, but as time goes on we tend to adapt to the outside world a little better, and 'imitate' neurotypical behaviour. This is slow, and can be very stressful. I really don't know what the answer is. Ideally she should find work that makes use of her talents and special interests and that involves minimal socialising. I find working with animals very therapeutic, I'm sorry I can't help you any more, but I really do understand how your daughter feels.

It must be so satisfying to prove the 'experts' wrong - as they so often are! You have a son to be proud of. By the way, I'm so out of touch that I had no idea that elections took place here until yesterday when somebody asked me what I thought of the results! I'd vaguely noticed all the signs around advertising political parties (illegal in many European countries), so I knew some election was imminent, but that was all I knew.