bramblebrae

Hi there me DS has me spending a fortune on doctor who stickers and were now down to just needing 48 stickers which means mostly getting doubles now. Think we've about 150+ doubles so I was wondering if anyone else on here has any and would be willing to trade? I won't bother listing which ones yet incase no one has any. We can buy the last 25 direct off of Merlin but its just such a waste all these stickers lying around. Anyway if I don't get anyone to trade with if anyone wants the stickers for their little Doc who fans I'd be glad to see them go to a good home Lorraine

Hi my DS (7 ASD) has not been able to learn to ride a bike yet, we've not tried for awhile now as it got to frustrating for both of us. Anyway the other day a little lad rode past on his bike and DS noticed his jumper was a school nursery jumper and after a second he said he's only in nursery and he can do that. To be honest he looked surprised more than anything about it he wasn't upset then but I'm afraid this will become more and more apparent he already knows his one little friend who is a year younger roams about the streets and goes to the local shop on his own whereas I don't let DS and he told me the other day he wouldn't go to the shop on his own til he's 20 even if there weren't any roads to cross as he would be scared and feel too alone. He is becoming very dependant on just me as he often insists that I'm the one with him as opposed to granny (who he has spent alot of time with) or any other family member. Luckily it's never been a problem once he's in school through school gates he just forgets me really (2 waves goodbye in 3 years of school ) What I'm trying to ask is I feel like there is trouble brewing and he's already been upset about the future and feeling like he dosen't have one, which threw me for six, because it came out of nowhere when he said all that. I can only see it getting worse as he becomes more and more aware of his differences and difficulties. For those who have gone before - did this happen with your children was there an age when the suddenly became aware? What can I do to help him? thanks Lorraine

Hi I'm not sure who is best to ask for an assessment from where you are. Here it was via the school doctor my son got assessed at the local assessment centre. Now again new or continuing worries have come up it is another school doctor who is referring us back to the clinical psychologist and occupational therapist. Anyway whether it is through your GP or the school doctor I would just explain that you have always felt your DS was a little different from his peers and now having gone through your DD's assessment and learning about aspergers you recognise alot of the behaviours he is displaying as fitting aspergers or autistic behaviours and due to their being a genetic link aswell you are worried he may have gone undiagnosed and feel he needs an assessment asap. Do you think something like that would sound ok?- also tell him/her the behaviours you described above. take care Lorraine

Hi my son (ASD, 7) gets reading, which he is advanced at, seperate and 121 with another teacher. I've never really thought about him being taught it with a higher year class and school have never suggested it. They are a bit hit and miss with who takes him for his reading, he had no reading the first week of school this school year, then it's has been great up til now as he has had the same lady consistently for this last term and she wrote quite alot of feedback in a reading record book but now I've discovered she went on maternity leave at the end of the week(didn't mention this would happen in the reading record!) before last and last week which was the last in the term here he had no reading at all again. He passed two national levels by the end of P1 and is now in P3 and still working towards the next - I feel their is little effort and they are just waiting til everyone else catches up to him. They did do paired reading with older class as a whole class last year which he really enjoyed though often complained at home that some of the older kids voices weren't clear which is funny cause unless constantly reminded S reads very fast with a lisp and I can't understand him unless reading book at same time. It's only this year he has begun reading into himself and he is devouring books at great speed. It is a strange combination of high and low skills for want of better wording as he does understand what he reads and remembers a lot of it though on the other hand he often goes to the kitchen door instead of out into the hallway to go upstairs for the bathroom when he needs a wee or if I asked him to fetch something from a room he'll go and never return then I'll shout through "whats up" and he'll say "why whats the matter?" and I say"you were getting the whatever" and he'll panic "aaarg I forgot I forgot". hope you and your DD get more understanding from the school soon. Lorraine

S started just after his third birthday at the local nursery attached to the local primary school. 2.5hrs a day 5 mornings a week. I didn't know he had ASD then, it was on the second day of nursery I got a phone call saying please come in there is something not quite right about S and we'd like to discuss him seeing the school doctor, I was totally oblivious other than it did seem much harder work (being a parent that is ) than I had expected but I was single and just thought I was rubbish parent and everyone else just said thats boys for ya! Lorraine

What does your husband think of the situation? Would it be easier to have him talk to her? If you choose to try and sort out the situation as opposed to just banning her from seeing him. I think her behaviour is very rigid and thougtless and egotistical and just perhaps she can't see the wider picture of what she is doing - if we want people to understand our own children we should try to understand them too - dosen't mean we have to put up with this kind of abuse of us or our children but I'm all for giving people a chance to change in the first instance. take care Lorraine

Jee whizz I'm clueless I've just read whole page and only slightly recognized the doors and that was after looking at the answer?! I can use goggle rather well though is it allowed? Lorraine (the lyrically void)

Dear Badonkadonk I had the internal scan - it really wasn't pleasant - I was pretty shakey afterwards -not because it hurt or anything just was kinda emotional about it somehow? it was weird anyway adn I wished I'd had someone with me. I would suggest if you do need to have one you take someone with you. I didn't have PCOS so it was waste of time I still have only yearly period but each year it gets heavier. I think stress and being totally unfit stops my periods but then again they have always been intermmitent except when on the pill and this includes a time in my life where I was relatively stress free I thought at least. No doctor has ever been able to give me a straight answer so i just stopped asking basically. I suppose i relaxed much more once i had my son and I don't want more children I only ever wanted one for personal reasons that few people know and each of them seemed to think it was strange so I'll forget that lol! Anyway I really don't care now I like not having a period as never ever got comfortable with any of that palavah. Apart from wanting to be fitter as though I've been overweight for a long time since early 20's probably I've never felt so unfit and old and knackered as I do now - prolly cause I am getting older just not sliding into it gracefully As for fathers mine has always been on my case about wieght etc but now he's nearly an OAP he's not so fit himself it's payback time. I think what he(your dad) said sounded a bit like he maybe feels guilty perhaps or that when you talk about not being diagnosed sooner he feels you blame them. I know I got a rather strange reaction from my folks when I discussed all my aspie traits after my son was put forward by nursery for assessment and I had learnt more about it, I asked about when I was a child though I'm not going for a diagnosis casue I think they are traits and don't fully account for things that have happened in my life - I think they felt they had perhaps let me down which I didn't mean to happen but at least it did help me not feel so bad about this kind of failed person I am given the intelligence I was born with(sorry that sounds bigheaded - but according to mensa IQ152 I'm clever - lol bet that came as a shock to anyone who has ever read one of my ramling mispelt posts), education and opportunities I have not made the best of - or at least I can console myself that it may have been that as long as I ackowledge i did make some right good mistakes myself along the way but then we are all human who the heck hasn't. good luck with the test result Lorraine

Wow I don't really know just wanted to give my laywoman thoughts on it as I think i'm just about the only person still on here at this time Firstly just because another parent had to pay dosen't mean diddly..did they have a statement saying support was needed for trips? Secondly if it's on his statement wouldn't they have to pay as it's a legal document? thirdly even if they say well it's an optional trip he dosen't have to go on it - I think because of the statement he would legally have to have a TA with him to attend any trip and to deny him any trip whether optional or not because you couldn't pay for the TA would be disability discrimination, I would hope. It might help others answering to know if the trip where they are funding the TA is optional or not? My son being younger has only had little day trips, even still any parent could of said no to their child going so maybe all trips are optional if viewed this way in which case if they can provide TA for one they should for other (I got off track or back on track - however you see it ) anyway so far but the school have always provided additional support via the autistic outreach teacher in the first year and now via his own allocated 121 support worker. I'm sure someone will have some proper answers that are at least more coherent than this (I really need to go to bed lol!) I hope you find the answer and the school/LEA does have to pay for the TA it is totally unfair on your son and yourselves otherwise. Lorraine

Hi we're in Scotland so I know things statement wise work a little different. My son is allocated 121 support for 4hrs a day covering break and lunchtimes. He had no support in P1 5-6 yold then was nearly excluded. Asked school to apply for 121 for P2 (6-7yo) starting the school refused to reapply for 121 on the basis they had applied at beginning of P1 and been refused and nothing had changed! So I phoned ed pysch directly and said without a RON(record of need -as it was called now a co ordinated support plan and much harder to get!) how could I contest the fact he wasn't given 121 support when I felt he needed it - she explained how I could and their was a path I could go down if it came to that but then she agreed to apply for the 121 herself and 2 weeks later :) She only hovers in class mind you and does help others too but then I don't think he would want her glued to him however I am not happy with the stand off approach at breaks except for the actual eating time during lunch as he has eating phobias so she does sit with him then, but she tends to watch from a distance they say though how you can play skipping with a group of girls and watch a very active 7 yold I don't know, as I view it do b####r all for him when outside, the schools excuse is the get funding for 1 playground assistant for a school with >300 kids and all the staff are out there to help all the pupils and they do keep an extra eye on him and all their other SEN children. His review is coming up on Oct 26th just after the holidays which started up here today btw so I am going to try and ask for more intervention and help to socalise at break times as he may be having fun chasing every and any girl or boy who runs away from him but I feel the other kids just laugh at him rather than play with him even if he is oblivious to it just now they need to develop his break time skills for the future - I intervene when play goes this way at home so I think they should too. or maybe I'm just to overinvolved and wasting his fun lol Sorry I digressed yet again - I hope the meeting goes well and he gets the support he needs - good luck Lorraine ps another slight digress -thing that gets me is she(the pupil support assistant - they are now calling them up here) wouldn't even be working there if I listened to the school and just settled for no 121 support!! - they didn't need her but now they really do - yeah for everyone else!!

I'm a bit confused too? and a little What is funny? Sorry I can't comment on the main post as this is the first I've ever heard of IC. As with all new ideas to me though I'd like to read a little more before dismissing it or deciding it's something I'd like to know more about and if Bid can save me the time of researching it by stating what she is implying I'd be happy to read it. thanks Lorraine

<'> <'> <'> firstly a few of these for Robert and you , it must of been a kind of scary experience. I would take it furthur now and get the school to announce something in their newsletters about parents not being allowed to approach either other children or parents if they have any kind of greviance they should contact school directly - I remeber our school publishing something similar though I do not know if an actual incident had prompted them too - I think it was backed up about police becoming involved if they spoke to/harrased other children directly like that. The guy sounds just like a bully and I wonder who his son is modelling his behaviour after! It still confuses me but something similar happened to me as a child where another girl spat on me then ran off next thing I know my mum is smacking me cause this girls mum came to the door saying I had spat on her daughter my mum being the trusting sort just took that as fact and as she hates spitting totally went a little OTT on me - something similar happened with my sister too and after these two events she did stop to check the facts with us in the future. She was too trusting and couldn't understand how a culprit could turn the tables like that - I think they are taking the best form of defence for thier actions is to get in first and attack in the unfortunately correct belief that their parents believe every word they utter without question!!! I'm all for parents supporting and trusting thier children but surely they have to be a little wise to the lies kids can invent these days - I don't believe a child who can tell bare faced lies like that to their parents has never done it or been caught doing it before and even if the parents have every right to believe what the child says they certainly should not talk to another child like that especially a vulnerable 4 yr old - I mean good grief thats what truly beggars belief here. I'm livid for you. Hope things can get sorted out take care Lorraine

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Paula <'> <'> <'> <'> thinking of you Lorraine

My sons school up here north of the border at least gives puddings with meals today for instance on the menu there is a chcoclate crispie with cornflour sauce. My son won't eat their puddings in fact all he does eat if at school dinners is 2 cream crackers or rich tea biscuits, a very small orange juice and/or milk and raisins if he's lucky. Why then should I not provide him with a pudding in the form of jaffa cake pack thing or happy hippo? He mainly has packed lunch with the main item being breadsticks or a slice of dry bread because he has very limited food choice and will starve rather then gag and vomit with new foods. Until school provides him with foods he will eat even if it was bowl of cereal or porridge he will have what I give him which are the very limited choice of what he will eat and what is possible to put in a cold lunch box. Schools need to tackle really bad lunches by providing those specific parents with education, support and advice not have blanket bans IMHO. If they don't want to fund this and from their own point of view will not bend their lunches to provide for children who need alternate choices for whatever reason they should keep their oars out because they aren't helping provide healthy diets themselves at least not in my sons case. Lorraine

I think I would request another meeting and take a tape recorder with me this time and someone official like parent partnership and ask her exactly how they get around not doing what legally enforcable statements require them too, after asking if it was ok to tape of course. She had no right to talk to you like that she hasn't even met your son. I would definetly complain to the school and the LEA about her outrageous behaviour towards yourself and the statement process. I hope you can find something suitable for him though. take care Lorraine

Aww really pleased it all went well in the end today. I have that sort of behaviour with my son Stephen when he's on the edge of a rage he trys to do things in the most awkward way possible like your Dan with the pen. Nothing is ever right he moans about getting a drink then it's the wrong one then he's more specfic but it's in the wrong cup then eveything and everyone is too noisy all this to write one sentence for homework. - that sort of thing - it's when your bending over backwards to just get through it and he's still moaning that throws me over the deep end. Anyway I hope things continue to improve at school and your feeling better yourself. take care Lorraine

<'> <'> Hope everything goes well at school today. fingers crossed. Lorraine

Hopefully social services will give you some more support now. I hope everything has continued to improve over this weekend and i've got my fingers crossed all goes well for you at the school on monday. Take care Lorraine

Omg don't get me started on HV's! I called to tell our gp's surgery that after a full assessment at the children's development centre adn then a year of on/off observation in nursery by clinical psychologist and furthur S&L assessment the clinical psychologist had diagnosed my son then aged 4.5 with a ASD. I thought I was prepared for diagnosis after all that time but was very upset about it. I spoke to HV on phone who was very nice then and said she would make home visit. She came round DS immediately sat on her sucking his thumb for about 25mins while I yapped on about everything then she said I wouldn't really worry look he's very comfortable with me very affectionate then actually I've got a health check for ASD we've been given for observing 2 yr olds and she had this 1 A4 sheet of paper with a list of about 10 things and went through it going he does that and that and that etc see he's fine. I was furious here I was asking for support and she comes round and says it's all fine. I pointed out how many 4 yr olds hug complete strangers at all let alone sit on them for 25mins and he wasn't 2 he was 4.5 and at 2 he may well not have been doing those things only no one looked then! An embarrasing few moments passed then she goes well then lets talk about getting him up to date with his booster vaccinations-ggrh I couldv'e strangled her. (aside:I'm not saying his ASD has anything to do with vaccinations as there are family indicators IYSWIM but often boosters aren't actually needed til older and I'm not prepared to take the risk of just incase yet) - I've not spoken to her since- she was about to approach me in the gp surgery once but I think my facial expression gave her second thoughts! I believe through reading various things that diagnosis of AS/ASD are mainly made by clinical psychologists or a development team made up of varying experts inc clinical psych, S&L, OT, Paed, ed psych perhaps too definetly not health visitors it's way beyond there scoop I would imagine they have alot more experience dealing with children who have classic autism than anything and their opinion is swayed by this. I imagine there idea of autism is closer to the general publics one who told me does he hug you? does he talk? oh well then he's not got that! Please don't be put off following your instincts by these people- you are the EXPERT on your child. hope you can get a full assessment soon Lorraine

The autsitic outreach teacher helped us alot when S was threatened with exclusion. He had been fine for first few months of first year at school and then we're still not sure why probably a combination of illness + antibiotics + trying to many activities too soon (my bad) and lack of support which till this point he hadn't shown he needed really, anyway he got quite aggressive with staff and children over a couple of weeks and eventually when they threatened exclusion I was like but it's because he's got autistic spectrum disorder and finding things difficult to cope with just now and they(school) said it wasn't anything to do with it and so I asked what did the autistic outreach teacher say and they were like oh shes too busy we didn't see the need to ask!! She came in and worked wonders with him and continues to do so even now. She tries to advice the staff too but how many of them listen is doubtful. I keep waiting for them to back down on his support because he is doing quite well but it's all staying in place so far..so fingers crossed. Though he still has little moments or the odd bad day on the whole it's much better. Hope your area has some sort of outreach service that could maybe advice the school on furthur strategies to help your DS. I know sometimes they can get advice from more experienced SEN teachers at special schools hopefully AS trained ones. take care Lorraine

It's sheer incompetence that! Seems like they have absolutely no idea what they are doing. I'm amazed by your ability to keep going with all this though I know there is no other choice really but I think I'd be in a hospital with a breakdown by now I can't control my rage inside when people make such mistakes and especially the downright lies they've told in the past, I'd have exploded. I suppose if trying to find a silver lining it is all more evidence of there inability to get anything right which is why everything needs queried. I think watchdog or someone could do a whole hour episode on your case alone!! I hope this bit gets sorted quick at least - you think it would be easy to check a register?! The mind boggles! good luck Lorraine

Feeling much better now thanks for the posts just one of 'those' moments!- apologies for side tracking the post by the way. I agree with what you said Oracle - I reckon people with even the best of intentions just do not get it! I'm also going to 'try' and explain this when I next see the lady in question and if feeling brave enough tackle her on the 'disability' issue. That sounds like sound advice Elanor and helped me decide what to do too. Lorraine

re parenting course - whats happening with me is slightly different but short version(well I'll try ) after 2 yr wait S got assessment from family support worker, not sure why its not full fledged social worker but she says its same thing and at least its something!) anyway only reason I went for SS help was to get funding so he can attend specific play groups for ASD kids (still nowt doing but maybe Oct holidays he'll get a place-fingers crossed) anyway she isn't assessing me at all apparently but she has asked if she can do a little parenting course with me just one on one me and her - I asked if it was geared towards parents of kids with ASD and she said no as if that was a good thing - previous comments of "oh he's not really disabled though" (she works for the children with disabilities team -so why does she think she's here assessing at all?!) give me pause to question all her motives but then on the other hand she did get him a linkworker for a few hours for summer hols and has said she will try to get him a place at playgroup for october!! I'm very dubious though I'm sure there are things I would learn about basic parenting that I don't know but then again there are things I already know about that I would do under 'normal' circumstances but which I won't use because for Stephen it would be unsuitable....grrh I really can't get my head around why she thought it was a good thing it wasn't geared towards ASD kids when that is who I am parenting!! I think also she'll just tell me stuff that is good practise but which I just personally can't implement and it will just make me feel like a worse parent than I already do sometimes! I can say no, she says but I'm not good at saying no either and either way I'll be worrying about doing or not doing it for ages to come cause that is just what I do when I have any decision to make. I really wish at the moment I could become a real certiefied hermit and just avoid people full stop. I never took S to school yesterday cause he was tired and I just couldn't deal with seeing anyone cause monday was emotionally draining and confusing because my sister who lost her eldest daughter 2.5yrs ago to leukemia and she told us how my other niece will have very shortly lived longer than her big sister and I hadn't realised this though I knew it was coming up to that point and anyway she had a big talk with us(me and my mum) about the way she is feeling and how unmeaning too I've probably made her feel worse because of soemthing I said which basical has totally depressed me but then I will never feel as bad as she does so I can't complain. Then there was a school pta thingie and folk where just weird with us and because we didn't win anything Stephen was trying to grab another kids prizes. Think that'll be the first and last one of those we attend! I'm being a bit wallowy I'll be better in the morning I really must force us to school however I feel. It's just so simple to close the door and bascially hide in here and shut the rest out! Lorraine

Hi, on the advice of the autism outreach teacher I told Stephen(now 7) when he was almost 6. I got a little book written for explaining HFA or aspergers to a child with HFA or AS. He has read it several times we've discussed it a little. He dosen't think he is different though and has on a couple of occasions told people he has an ASD and whilst there was nothing wrong with him saying so but no reason to either - it made me feel he was trying to justify his actions or excuse them when really I don't feel he should have to. I'm glad for my sake he knows about it but I am not sure it was best for him or not I think he does still find it really confusing because his view of the world is we are all alike I do think long term it is better as it won't come as a shock later when things are at a more difficult point perhaps which would then have maybe added to his stress at that point. He has voiced concerns over his future but says it isn't because he has an ASD. Overall I do feel he deserves to know and long term it will help him to know about it. I think now I need to expand on what he understands of it but I don't want to frighten him about any aspects of it so will have to be very careful as I just realised how little I understand of the way he thinks. I just discovered after we watching the movie 'eight below' that he didn't understand why we eat food at all. I told him the dogs were starving cause they had no food and would die if they didn't find some and he was really shocked, so I explained about needing water too and again he questioned it. It's just another thing I presumed at this age he would just know. We have alot of food conversations too as he is very selective about it and I really can't believe we've never discussed this very basic but most important point. Ahh how little I understand I need to stop presuming anything and get back to basics with him!! take care Lorraine

Hope it all goes well, will be thinking of you both. <'> <'> <'>