How Do You Socialise?

[TheNeil]

Sorry people but I'm going to be mopey as things are not going good at the moment. Work has settled down nicely but I'm having problems at home and I'm feeling really lonely and isolated and this wasn't helped by Mrs Ex-Neil asking me to meet her yesterday (I won't go into great detail but she now hopes to be 'with child' shortly and as 'he' doesn't like James Bond, wondered if I'd take her to the cinema once it's out - huh? )

 

So I was at home most of yesterday with nothing to do, no-one to talk to, nowhere to go (don't need anything or have any desire to go anywhere) and I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to have friends and I want to have people to talk to (no offence intended to anyone here but writing on the forum is not the same as having...human contact) but I don't know where to go, what to do or how to 'get' a friend (BTW this is not about finding a companion...that would be a nice 'bonus' but etc. etc. etc.)

 

The people at the running club are friendly enough (not that I'm going at the moment as I seem to have torn every ligament, tendon and muscle in my legs) and the people at work are starting to come around (not that I actually want to spend time with them though - the shorter the time I have to spend at work the better) but I have a tendancy to compartmentalise and those people don't 'exist' in my non-work/non-running 'box'

 

What do AS people do in situations like this? I thought about going to the GP but I don't know what he can do (A week off work on the sick? Hardly going to help). Going into Harrogate (during the day) is Ok but I nearly lost it the last time I was there (too much noise, too many conversations...left me 'swamped' and confused) and it's very difficult/impossible to 'identify' people to talk to, work out who you can talk to (I don't want to start talking to a woman and then have her other half beat seven bells out of me or seem sad and desperate by trying to talk to shop assistants when they hand me my change), how to initiate conversation (and then we're in small-talk territory - prepare for disaster straight away), what to say etc.

 

It doesn't help that I don't drink, so nightclubs and the 'normal' socialising places are 'no go zones' (the noise and people are too much). Church (yes, I am clutching at straws)? Well I'm about as religious as a paving slab so that's out. I don't talk to the neighbours (the old woman to one side freaks me out and the woman on the other side has a little girl and drinks and smokes)(the woman that is, not the little girl)(although I suppose she could do...shouldn't jump to conclusions). Everyone I seem to like either doesn't respond, disappears or is in a situation where I won't go (e.g. the pretty girl in accounts is married so definitely off limits, the young 'laydee' at the running club...came twice and has never been seen since (that'll be my patented charm and charisma at work - I have offered to get rid of any other unwanted club members by talking at them))

 

So I'm low, lonely, miserable and can't figure out what to do to get out this particular hole. Any advice/suggestions muchly appreciated

[Bagpuss]

TN <'> <'>

 

I'm feeling like that abit too DH has finally took the bull by the horns (prompted by my visit to GP I think) to contact some support groups. He took the girls to one on Friday eve (I was feeling jittery about it) and said it was fantastic...so I will be going in a fortnight when it meets again. We've also arranged to go to another once a month, first meeting this Mon eve.

 

I found thru the Early Bird Plus course that being around families going thru the same thing was a huge boost for me, and helped me so much.

 

I havn't got a clue about adult support groups though....do adults attend AS/ASD support groups or are they just for parents with children with dx? I think possibly another adult with AS may be best placed to offer advice, or a parent of an adult.

 

Would the NAS be able to give you information of anything held locally for adults?

 

I can only recommend that it has helped us, and just to let you know that I know how it feels to be isolated.

 

Take care <'> <'>

[TheNeil]

I havn't got a clue about adult support groups though....do adults attend AS/ASD support groups or are they just for parents with children with dx? I think possibly another adult with AS may be best placed to offer advice, or a parent of an adult.

 

The only one that I know of (for anyone) is the Leeds Adult Asperger's society who meet on a Monday night (in Leeds, amazingly). I went once but found it a little too stressful (and it's not an easy one to get to given work). I don't even know who to ask for help...hence the miserable post

 

I'm trying to think 'outside of the box' (apologies for the 'new management' style speak) but can't come up with anything. I was sooo bored and lonely yesterday that I even (briefly) considered getting a weekend job (in addition to my Monday-Friday job) just to get out of the house. Even then though it would have to be in the right sort of shop (ideally a book shop - organizing their entire stock into alphabetical order would be heaven on Earth). Of course could I handle working 7 days a week? Would I want to work 7 days a week?

[bid]

So sorry you're feeling so down, TN <'>

 

Bid

Edited November 5, 2006 by bid

[TheNeil]

Not that I'm suggesting you acquire loads of kids!!

It wouldn't be my prefered choice (although the 'practice' would be appreciated )

 

As for Mrs XTN...I think she's just trying to keep you dangling a little (maybe in case anything goes wrong with her new man??)...sorry if that comes across as offensive

Not offensive in the slightest (those thoughts have gone through my head too) but she's gone, finished, out of the equation - she made her decision, so that chapter of my life is over (she's never made any efforts in terms of a reconcilation, hasn't tried to block the divorce or given any hints that her new life is anything but idyllic - I've got to move on). She probably doesn't realise it but she's messing with my head and I do know it, but I'm so lonely that I think I'm taking any form of human contact (even if it is 'wrong')

[TheNeil]

Oops sorry Bid. You edited your post but I'd already quoted from it

[noogsy]

hi TN,i'm fine in the virtual world i can cope with people.but when in social situations i bomb big time.its hard to suggest things to you,cos unless a subject interests you then you will struggle.

i'm inclined to think you should not encourage your ex wifey as when things go sour(and they defiantly will) with her new beau she may think it is ok to move back in with you possibly with a new infant ..or even worse about to sprog. ..can you even imagine having to massage her feet and rub her big huge tummy ..

i do understand the loneliness thing and horrible boredom of being no longer a couple it is going to take you a while to find your feet.its not nice to wander the town and have no one to share a coffee with.or wander round to the music shop....you don't want to be one of these people who goes weird and starts talking to plants or trees...

i think you should work on your fitness and try to get back to your running this is healthy and you enjoy it so it is a positive thing in your life...now don't shoot me but have you thought about joining the gym????lots of healthy girls.and you can go there and do your own thing..i'm a member of banatynes(and it is not to threatening)...i don't know if there is one near you.but i'm talking about a good health club not a boxing emporium....lol...not rocky..

i think you have to try to get yourself out there and try(i know its really hard)to meet people.

have you thought about doing a twilight at college or uni...you know something just for pleasure???photography,art,car maintenance,lol,,i don't know there HAS to be something you are wanting to know more about...where you can meet new people...sorry you feel so miserable hun..hope i have made you smile a bit and erm one of my suggestions is a possible....love noogsy

Edited November 5, 2006 by noogsy

[darky]

hi theneil, i find social situations really difficult as well. most times im quite happy in my own company with the very small circle of people i get on with, but im most happy when im at home.

 

i have been doing more active stuff in our support group which has lifted my self esteem no end. i enjoy this kind of voluntry work as i decide when where etc, something i found very hard when i was working. i am also motivated by something i am passionate about and have a huge interest in.

 

also about 3 months ago i started karate, im really enjoying it so much, socialising you dont really have to do, everyone is doing the same thing, so its great that even though im with "people" i dont know so i am socialising per se, its not like you have to do idol chat, which is something else i find so hard, and often say something innapropiate lol.

 

the only thing i have found hugely difficult is partner work which is only for about 10 mins and not every lesson. there is no "chat" but we have to rely on eye contact, and i have found that so hard and intimidating. im hoping with time that might become easier. i just feel a huge sense of achievement after every lesson, because before the lesson i think of 101 reasons why i shouldnt go.

 

it must be tough on you, you have been through so much with the ex, sounds like she wants her cake and eat it. sounds like she is realising what she is missing out on being with you. dont let her use you. you are better than that. <'>

[bid]

Don't worry TN...I just had a panic that I had sort of 'hogged' your thread, so I deleted it all!

 

Since you read the original...see what I mean??

 

Bid

[nellie]

Hi Neil,

 

I think I know where you're coming from.

 

My hubbie and my youngest son both have AS, both hate any kind of socialising that isn't on their terms. My youngest son (26 next month) had a complete breakdown 5 years ago and hasn't worked since. He made a decision a few years ago to only do what he's capable of, he doesn't do pubs, doesn't do chit chat, doesn't celebrate with his football team when they win, doesn't socialise with visitors. He will play snooker, football, watch dvd's with friends, go to the occasional gig, play games with visitors, go for walks (prefers you not to chit chat though). He made many 'friends' at school and still sees quite a few of them, those friends are predictable, they know each other well. He talks the talk and walks the walk when he has to but prefers not to. There has to be a purpose to any socialising. I'm hoping he'll venture into the work place soon, he's stuck in a rut. I'm about to give him a gentle nudge with my size 3's.

 

My husband has friends that have a common bond, they can talk to the cows come home if it's about something that interests them but he doesn't like socialising, chit chat or unpredicatable situations.

 

Hope this helps in some way.

 

Nellie <'> <'>

[bid]

I hope this isn't insensitive, but how about thinking back to how you met Mrs XTN??

 

Is that an area of socialising you could explore again, IYSWIM??

 

So, so sorry if I've put my foot in it again!

 

Bid

[TheNeil]

I hope this isn't insensitive, but how about thinking back to how you met Mrs XTN??

 

I met Mrs Ex-TN in a chat room in ye olde days of ye internet. Thing is I don't want 'virtual' friends anymore, I want 'real' friends

 

I can see that a lot of people here have small social circles, prefer their own company etc. but I don't have any social circle and I'm struggling to work out how to break into one. This isn't helped by the lack of support groups in the area - I've emailed the NAS to see if they know of anything

 

Noogsy's idea of a college course is good but, after having searched what's available in H'gate, I don't really fancy re-taking my GCSE English exam (I already have a pass in that) or learning a foreign language (I have trouble enough with English most of the time (see every post I've ever made))

 

Maybe a weekend job might be the way forward

[Bagpuss]

What about charity or voluntary work? In a charity shop, hospital, etc? Would you feel comfortable doing that?

 

Hope the NAS comes up trumps for you TN.

 

You could always consider setting something up yourself......or even considering if anyone on the forum in your area would like to meet up.

 

Regarding the college courses, what about ditching the idea of academic qualifications, and try to find out if there are any new hobbies you'd like to take up....pottery, painting, photography.....

 

[TheNeil]

What about charity or voluntary work? In a charity shop, hospital, etc? Would you feel comfortable doing that?

 

Hope the NAS comes up trumps for you TN.

 

You could always consider setting something up yourself......or even considering if anyone on the forum in your area would like to meet up.

 

I quite like the book shop idea but the thought of working in a charity shop scares me stupid (every charity shop in H'gate seems to be staffed by people who still think we use pounds, shillings and pence ). I'm debating whether or not to send an email to Waterstones to see whether they have any vacancies or not. Might let it sit at the back of my head for a couple of days and see what the bunny rabbit that does my actual thinking makes of the idea (and that was not an excuse just to use the bunny smilie)

 

A Harrogate AS/ASD meet-up is an idea but I'm not sure how many people actually live in the area and visit the forum (or how to go about it - just post a topic in the Off Topic section? )

[Nic m]

Hi, TheNeil what about community work,it is still volunteering but in your local community with like minded people.I have read and enjoyed many of your posts since joining this forum and i love your style of writing. If you are able to do it i think you would make a great advocate for others.

Nicola.

[TheNeil]

Hi, TheNeil what about community work,it is still volunteering but in your local community with like minded people.I have read and enjoyed many of your posts since joining this forum and i love your style of writing. If you are able to do it i think you would make a great advocate for others.

Nicola.

 

Hi Nicola,

 

Not really given much thought to community work but I've had a hunt around online and there does seem to be a wealth of places crying out for volunteers (although I'm not sure I'd really be great as a neighbour dispute solver councellor - I dread to think of the 'advice' that would pop out ). Now if only I can find something that doesn't involve 1) the public, 2) old people, 3) standing in a muddy field in the middle of winter

Edited November 5, 2006 by TheNeil

[noogsy]

hi what about starting your own support group.put a smalll add in your local news paper and go from there...what have you got to lose.... love noogsy

[TheNeil]

what have you got to lose.... love noogsy

 

Sanity, kneecaps, financial stability, hair...

[brooke]

Hi TheNeil

Really sorry your feeling low. I oftrn feel the same (you'd think it would be easy to reply to a post but oh no not in my house, every two seconds im up trying to stop my 1yr old from destroying my house) anyway i was thinking if you were thinking of volenteer work there is a NAS befriending scheme where people with autistic children have a volenteer maybe 2hrs a week just to help with their child, maybe go to the park with them or the cinema?

Or i know you have your guinea pigs but a dog would get you out walking and you do tend to see the same people out when your walking them plus they are good company. Probably rubbish ideas but just thought id try an help. Hope you feel better soon

Brooke

[Nic m]

Hi TheNeil, I was thinking about local events you would find interesting or maybe participating in a bartering scheme.I do agree with brooke about a dog though so much fun and i chat to lots more people in our area thanks to our wee dog.I help fundraise for my daughters swimming club and enjoy it a great deal.I was thinking you may find meeting new people easier if you have a task to do.Good luck with your search.

Nicola

[Kathrynh]

I agree about the dog. If you like animals they are great company, the house never seems empty and you do meet a lot of people dog walking and often end up talking to people that you would never meet if it wasn't for the dogs.

[yoyo]

Hi, TheNeil,

 

I have followed your posts throughout your problems with work and your private life. I so admire the way you handled work and am delighted to note that things seem more settled there. You have my deepest sympathy regarding your marriage and I really understand your post today and the depth of loneliness you are going through. The lack of human contact and yet the difficulties of going out and the pointlessness of it really strike a chord. Apart from my husband I have no friends, the children are all but gone from home and we go out very little. I realise Brooke has got there first in suggesting a dog; they really are man's best friend - they love you no matter what (cupboard love but it is love!!) and dog walkers seem to be mostly a friendly, human bunch of people. My other thought was to join a cycling club as it is non weight bearing and you seem to have energy and stamina but it won't add to your existing injuries. Are you interested in something like model railways or trains (I know York is great for this)? I hope you feel better soon.

 

Yoyo

[noogsy]

ok maybe you don't do groups.but you do have a talent.you can amuse in a whimsical way.and you can write things down.so what about a writing class?remember to go easy on yourself you are going to feel all over the place just now.if you think you really have the blues you might need to see your GP.sorry you feel horrid....love noogsy

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Think back to how you first met your ex - you obviously did something right! Irrespective of whether we're talking about people with AS or not, I think that often you meet someone when you're least expecting it. I had a friend who was desperate to meet a man. She had a nasty habit of picking up guys in clubs and seemed to be attracted to complete and utter morons! I think that was partially down to where she picked them up (and being intoxicated!). I guess what I'm saying is (and I'm no expert!) is that being yourself and going about your life as normal is the best way to go. Places like libraries, museums, etc are the types of places where you'd be most likely to meet someone for a long/er term relationship than a one night stand (I know that's not what we're necessarily talking about!). I do recall (while ago now, though) what it's like to be lonely and it's not always easy. Glad you're thinking ahead about your future - separation and getting over it isn't easy.

 

Glad things are getting easier at work.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[Platefull of Love]

<'> . I don't know if you "Do" hugs but if so here's a couple <'> <'> . I think you are a lovely guy, It must be so tough when your X says stuff like that, even though you don't want children, the other stuff must be really hard. I am single & have pretty much got used to it now, I know I have children,but sometimes I do miss "Adult " company if you know what I mean . But in saying that I am my own boss, I don't have anybody to answer to ( apart from my boys ). Its not easy, but then again relationships arn't either . I do truely hope you meet somebody right if not at least have a little fun along the way, I hope someday I do to , may take time ( for both of us ), but one day eh

[TheNeil]

There seems to be a lot of advocates of the dog scheme but, sadly, it's a non-starter. Even when Mrs Ex-TN and I lived together we didn't think we could dedicate enough time to a dog (I work full time, am out of the house before 7:00am and don't get back until about 6:00pm). Now I'm on my own the poor thing would be stuck in the house on its own for even longer and that doesn't seem very fair (I worry that the budgies get neglected although with them it's difficult to tell whether it's neglect or just general malignant evil)

 

I think I'm going to offer my services to one of the charity shops in the town. There's a shop that only deals with books and music/video so that's probably more up my particular avenue than having to deal with women's dresses and flat caps

 

I'm not specifically looking for Miss Right (would be nice but I'm a realist and if it happens then it happens) and just having friends and/or people to talk to/at would be enough (for now anyway). I think Mrs Ex-TN has really upset me (whether she meant to or not is another matter) and that, coupled with not having had any other human contact all weekend (save for a phone call from my mother and my brother)(which isn't the same)(and being in a crowd of people is not human contact - I seem to become invisible) just pointed the way forward for me. I've been in this situation before and nearly took the ultimate way out. This time I don't want to go down that route (or anywhere near it) so I'm trying to get off to a better start and not become so manically depressed that people won't come within 10 feet of me

[Sallya]

My dad lives alone; he sometimes takes in a lodger on a 6 week trial to see if they get on well.....he's had a couple of lodgers that have worked out well, and a couple that have had to go at the end of the trial. Probably not a very good idea.

[TheNeil]

My dad lives alone; he sometimes takes in a lodger on a 6 week trial to see if they get on well.....he's had a couple of lodgers that have worked out well, and a couple that have had to go at the end of the trial. Probably not a very good idea.

 

Given that I live in a two bedroom house (one of which is my office and is full of cr*p) then it's not really a great idea. I live with me and I know how hellish I can be to live with

[badonkadonk]

TNT <'> <'>

 

Ok, first of all "chin up" dude, I know it sucks right now and I know it looks like there won't be a way out but try to remember that life does move and change when you think it won't. Look at the ex, a year ago would you have said you would be living on your own now? If someone said that to me about my relationship I would certainly think it was possible but would never think in a million years it would happen, you just never know.

 

I would seriously advise against the job at Waterstones though, or any retail outlet for that matter. Having just given up on being a student I know too well the perils of trying to hold down a part time job. Working in retail/service industry are really the only jobs you can do whilst being a full time student and I've had a fair few cracks at the whip over the past few years. The thing is on a Tuesday afternoon when you get one or two people milling about in the shop it's not so bad. But come Saturday afternoon and any shop becomes like a mad house. Think of all the sounds, sights and smells you would have to endure and that's just the customers, you would also have to deal with the other members of staff. I used to think that just working a weekend would mean that I wouldn't have to deal with other staff but you can't stay on the shop floor the whole time because the customers would do your head in. It's coming up to Christmas now and could you really deal with yet another customer asking where Kerry Katona's book is despite you standing next to a huge display advertising it? It's not worth it, besides, you would only get taxed more anyway and would probably lose the money you earn to tax and would actually lose out due to getting lunch/travelling to work on a Saturday and Sunday.

 

However, voluntary work would be a good idea. If you like organising things what about a Library? Volunteer to go and sort the books on a weekend or hunt around for a job. I know I just said about the money but if you enjoy it and it makes you happy then it's not so bad. Working in a hellish environment and losing money is just daft. Anyway you have to be quiet in Libraries and whilst you might still get stupid requests for where books are in a Library you might be able to get some human contact in whilst showing them to the books they want. Also staff wise you're not really going to have to put up with the usual mobs that work in retail (no offence to people on this forum who work in retail but I'm on about the people you work with, you know the types, not you yourselves!!).

 

Hunt through the local papers and see if there are any advertisements for groups and things in there. My mom sings in a choir and my dad plays golf so they both have extended their networks through these activities. I think joining a gym is also a good idea as some gyms still offer running groups as well as the normal classes and gym equipment. The Canons gym I'm a member at also organises social evenings as well. You don't have to go through the normal hobbies rigmoral either, my boyfriend is in a band and my sister runs a Mini Club so there is a whole host of things you could do. Also you could try www.meetup.com or something like that. I tried this when I first got my diagnosis as I wanted to meet other Aspies but there isn't a group in my area and I'm too much of a chicken to start one as I keep thinking I will attract a serial killer and that will be the end of me!!! But don't let that put you off that's just my paranoia kicking in!

 

If you're really up for a challenge you could try breeding Guinea Pigs?!?! You might meet some people when they come to adopt from you then.

 

You could also try Friendsreunited or something like that, but that all depends on if you want to find any old friends/aquaintances.

 

I dunno dude, I am the least social person evah so I'm probably not the best person to give advice. I know you didn't ask for it but I'm too nosey not to try! The general consensus seems to be to just do something anyway, don't be afraid to dip your feet in and try something and don't be afraid of it going wrong because it probably won't be the end of the world. Also, don't give up on the virtual world as often this can lead to human contact. Try looking up the things that you like, there has to be groups and websites of people out there who like the same 'puter stuff as you. And I know it can take time to make friends online before the subject of meeting up is broached but it's not like you're going to go into town and start talking to someone straight away and instantly start hanging out anyway is it? Every relationship, be it just friendship or more, starts out as talking on the phone or texting or emailing or whatever.

 

Also I joined the NAS recently because I wanted to get the AS magazine that they do. You could try and get involved in the mag or with voluntering for something to do with AS. I know going through the NAS or AS groups limits your social scope somewhat but at least you don't have to deal with explaining AS to people all the time. In fact, if I had my own way, I would only deal with people who have an ASD or people who know someone with an ASD.

 

I know we are nothing but virtual but we are all here for ya if you get bored or want to chit chat a bit. I will sling my email addy your way if you want so we can chat about our next crime spree in private! I'm not brilliant at the whole friends thing but I can argue about who is the best band in the world or who is the best actor etc etc if that kind of stuff is your bag. Or we can just chat about AS stuff or whatever. If you don't wanna that's fine but the offer is there and I hope it doesn't come across as stalkey or sumfink

 

You also know that you need to stop with EX-Mrs TN. I don't care how much you wanna talk to someone you are doing yourself no favours by going down that road. So slap on the wrists don't do it again and start acting more like an Aspie and listen to your head, not your heart on this occassion!! If she suggests a meet up or something again, or rings you even, don't leave the house and put the phone down and post on here what has just happened. All the responses should be enough to convince you not to ring back or go and meet her.

 

And yes, I am telling you off so just....deal with it

 

Emily

xxx

 

p.s. if you can hang on till the middle of Feb I am actually up in Harrogate for my future-sister-in-law's hen party thing. It's a murder mystery weekend in a hotel spa type place and god knows why I agreed to go. Lots of skinny minnies urging me to get in the jacuzzi so they can make themselves feel better watching the whale go swimming and then lots of people dying around me on the night time. God knows I've got to prepare for it cos I will actually think they're dying I know I will. So anyway, I might need to escape the spa bit on the Saturday avo so you can take me for a cup of coffee if you want It's just an idea, but you will probably be too busy with all your new friends by then

[baddad]

Hi neil -

 

Only had time for a quick flick through so forgive me if i'm repeating stuff...

Somebody mentioned the creative writing course, and someone else mentioned evening classes - any chance those two things work together locally for you? Or if not that, what about a book group (if you like reading) or a music group or something... Even a 'foody' group where you meet up once a month to treat yourselves to a meal out?

Local libraries usually keep details of all local clubs/groups - so even if the above don't appeal it's worth a looksee there to see if there's anything else going on that does.

Without getting into that world of 'chat rooms' per se, there are quite a lot of special interest (fnar fnar ooer missus - you KNOW that's not what i meant! ) forums around for music/sports/computing/literary (reading and writing)/languages etc, which could be a gentle way in to exploring similar things in the 'real' world...

Slightly more scary, but becoming increasingly popular - Johnathon Ross mentioned 'my space' a while ago, and it seems that this is a becoming quite a good way for meeting new peeps, and you can specify in your blog the 'terms and conditions' you'd like to have friendships based on...

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

[TheNeil]

Hi Emily,

 

(Thanks for the monster read by the way - just filled in the best part of this morning at work )

 

I know I need to keep my chin up (and usually I do) but I think Mrs Ex-TN had seriously screwed with my head (even though I didn't realise it), my running injuries (and the subsequent week off away from the running club) were getting me down, Christmas is on the way (with the 'bonus' of having to work out whether I want to go to my mum's (and therefore my brother and his satan child from hell), stay at home like Ebeneezer Scrooge or whatever), and I had nothing to do at all. The advice that everyone seems to be giving me is to be 'busy' whenever Mrs Ex-TN wants to meet up and I'm definitely going to be doing 'something' if she asks in the future

 

Guinea pig breeding is an option and I do have some experience in that field. Actually I have some experience in coming down in the morning and finding more furry things wanting food than there had been when I went to bed - seems Mrs and Mrs Guinea Pig were in fact Mr and Mrs Guinea Pig and they were quite capable of handling that kind of thing all by themselves (twice as it happens and it cost me �50 to put a stop to little matey's fun. Poor Mrs Wills - she doesn't like that kind of thing (and I don't blame her either))

 

Gym is a non-starter as I have a total, total downer on gyms and am stupidly self-conscious (can't imagine why that is). To my logical head it doesn't make sense to pay money to go to a gym when I already do weight training four times a week at home - ho hum. Getting in touch with fellow computer types would be an option if it wasn't for the fact that I'm already in touch with fellow computer types (and most who are interested in my bizarre tastes are US based )

 

At the moment I'm heading towards working in the CD/music/video charity shop but what you've said about having to deal with the general populace has got me thinking (i.e. worrying). I have done this before (worked in a shop for a year while I was at uni - that was 12 years ago though) and it would certainly be a way to face my problems (I think there's a masochistic side of me that sometimes does these things to 'push the envelope'). Every time I've been in it's been quiet and it has a kind iof 'calm' atmosphere - whether this applies on Christmas Eve at 4:55 is another matter though. I figured that working on a voluntary basis meant that I could walk away from it more easily than if I was a paid employee (as well as avoiding the extra tax - travelling wouldn't be a problem though as it's only a 20 minute walk). There's also the 'karma' thing as I reckon this'll earn me some positives that'll offset the massive number of negatives that I've built up. The alternative is to go and visit pensioners (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) or repair country walkways (maybe...although I do have a violent allergic reaction to dirt)(that'll be the AS again - the number of times I've tried to beat up shrubs and houseplants using a brick ). It's just so darn difficult to find things out when you're not used to finding things out

 

I'm a bit cheerier today (probably because I'm at work)(and it's not very often I say that) but I do know that I need to put some wheels in motion

 

Of course if anyone ever drops in on H'gate then I'll be more than happy to while away the hours, put the world to rights etc. etc. etc.

 

BTW I wasn't trying to put you (virtual) lot down, it's just that there's a difference (to me anyway) between 'virtual' friends and 'real' friends (that sounds bad doesn't it? It's not meant to )

[TheNeil]

Hi neil -

 

Only had time for a quick flick through so forgive me if i'm repeating stuff...

Somebody mentioned the creative writing course, and someone else mentioned evening classes - any chance those two things work together locally for you? Or if not that, what about a book group (if you like reading) or a music group or something... Even a 'foody' group where you meet up once a month to treat yourselves to a meal out?

Local libraries usually keep details of all local clubs/groups - so even if the above don't appeal it's worth a looksee there to see if there's anything else going on that does.

Without getting into that world of 'chat rooms' per se, there are quite a lot of special interest (fnar fnar ooer missus - you KNOW that's not what i meant! ) forums around for music/sports/computing/literary (reading and writing)/languages etc, which could be a gentle way in to exploring similar things in the 'real' world...

Slightly more scary, but becoming increasingly popular - Johnathon Ross mentioned 'my space' a while ago, and it seems that this is a becoming quite a good way for meeting new peeps, and you can specify in your blog the 'terms and conditions' you'd like to have friendships based on...

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

 

 

Hi BD,

 

It's exactly this kind of thing (the finding out where to actually look) that's caused me such problems as I just don't know where to look. Tried a chat room yesterday afternoon but I think senility has kicked in - I couldn't get the hang of it and everyone who was posting seemed to be about 8 (made me feel old and outdated - great boost to the old confidence). And I dread to think what you mean by 'special interest' (retreats back into cozy, naive little world)

 

I know about MySpace but it never really appealed to me. I might spend a couple of hours this afternoon having a look and trying to get the feel of the place

[badonkadonk]

It's good to find you in a better mood!

 

I know what you mean about the Guinea Pigs, we had some while we were younger and were always waking up to baby pigs. I mean, we looked at the diagrams in the Guinea Pig book and everything and tried to match them to the real things but one of the bachelors turned out to be a wannabe and out popped the bachelorettes I had to stop in the end though cos one died on my birthday and it kinda screwed me up for a bit. I did try Goldfish but Wayne, Garth and Cassandra one by one went to fishy heaven and I couldn't cope lol. Now I just have Bob who is part monkey anyway so all is good!

 

The charity cd/dvd thingymebob sounds wicked cos although it's a shop you're hardly going to have to deal with Chav 1 and 2 trying to get the new 50Cent cd or all the grandparents shopping for christmas presents going "I need the cd by that band, you know them, The Arctic Penguins" "you mean monkeys?" "Monkeys? In the Arctic, don't be silly!!"....and on it goes. What I'm waffling on about I dunno, but you won't have to deal with the typical crowd is what I'm trying to say.

 

With regards to the gym you are not paying money to use the weights, duh, you're using it as a way to meet people. I dunno about this one, I was going on what a lot of people tend to say "oh join a gym!" but when I go to the gym (which isn't very often) on goes the ipod and out comes the scowl saying "I'm hot and fat and walking to fast on the machine and I don't know how to slow it down so don't touch me!" so I don't find it all that useful for meeting people. But then I don't want to so maybe it works differently if you act friendly.

 

I know you weren't putting the virtual world down, I realise that seeing people in the flesh is different, they don't have conversations sat in their pyjamas for a start! Nah I'm just kidding, I was just trying to say that step away from the comp and people are still real people so it's still useful.

 

Anyway, I'm talking far too much again. I'm sorry for the monster post earlier I really should learn to shut up!

 

Get back to work!!!

 

Emily

xxx

[TheNeil]

It's good to find you in a better mood!

 

I think it was down to switching into 'genius mode' and coming up with a revolutionary design (off the top of my head) for the company's internal software system (and getting the guy who's writing it to be in total awe of me). Sadly 'genius mode' only happens once every decade so back to be stupid for the next 10 years. Last time it happened was 6 years ago in Washington - I think they're still trying to figure out what exactly it was that I said

 

The charity cd/dvd thingymebob sounds wicked cos although it's a shop you're hardly going to have to deal with Chav 1 and 2 trying to get the new 50Cent cd or all the grandparents shopping for christmas presents going "I need the cd by that band, you know them, The Arctic Penguins" "you mean monkeys?" "Monkeys? In the Arctic, don't be silly!!"....and on it goes. What I'm waffling on about I dunno, but you won't have to deal with the typical crowd is what I'm trying to say.

 

This was the big benefit (to me anyway) above working in a sweat shop like HMV (the bit about non-chav customers, not the bit about monkeys, penguins and whatever the hell it is you were rambling on about ). I'm hoping for the more 'discerning' shopper, the man/woman with a conscience, who enjoys giving something back to the community...and not some Burberry topped, polyester clad <insert VERY rude word here>. There's also the added bonus of not being stuck with chart titles, 'bestsellers' (i.e. the aforementioned Kerry <insert another VERY rude word here> Katona) or 500 copies of the same thing...never know what interesting things may come along that could get diverted into my possesion (Note: I'm not talking about stealing, I'm talking about me getting first dibs on anything before Joe Public gets a look-in )

 

Get back to work!!!

 

Oh yes boss, straight away boss <grumble...grumble...grumble...don't pay me enough to put up with this kind of...complain...complain...complain>

[Bagpuss]

Oh, oh, oh if you two meet in Feb can I come too.........

 

Betty's here we come... Unfortunately I am VERY likely to be in my PJ's

 

Emily....you sure you should be going to a murder mystery weekend after the Crimewatch fiasco........you are bound to be the main suspect

 

 

Seriously though, sounds as though you are feeling abit more positive TN Hope you manage to sort something out

[TheNeil]

Oh, oh, oh if you two meet in Feb can I come too.........

 

Betty's here we come... Unfortunately I am VERY likely to be in my PJ's

 

Bagpuss any time you want to hit H'gate then I'd be happy to drag myself out of my cave and throw sarcastic remarks about - can't speak for Emily but if you're proposing an AS/ASD meetup then I'd give it a go

 

I would be in PJs except I don't wear them...although I do have a penchant for wandering around the house in boxer shorts (probably not wise in February)

Edited November 6, 2006 by TheNeil

[badonkadonk]

Haha! I never thought about the Crimewatch profile (note to self: remember you are a psycho killer) let's hope none of them watched the programme.

 

To be honest....I'm regretting saying yes. I thought it might give me an opportunity to meet some of the bride's friends and family before the big day so that I wouldn't feel so apprehensive and I am going with my mum and sister but I just keep forgetting about the whole fake murder thing. I wish I had been to one before but I haven't so I have absolutely no idea what to expect. My mum has assured me that I will know 100% that they are faking and that she will look after me but I'm going to be in my own room at the hotel and thats scary enough without worrying about every little thing that goes bump in the night!

 

If we're gonna have a proper meet up we can't do it on that weekend. I could probably sneak off for an hour or so for a cuppa but if there are a few like minded Aspies around I might never go back to the hotel

 

I would be up for meeting another time though, don't know how many others would be, but I'd like to put a face to some of the people on here and after TNT's revelation earlier, be able to picture ALL of you wearing clothes cos quite frankly the whole boxer thing is freaking me out!!!

 

I have no clue where when and how but try to remember that I live near Birmingham! My brother and his fiance live in Seaham and to highlight my rubbish geographical skills, I have no idea where that is in terms of closeness to Harrogate but I presume it's near (?) because of the hen party being held there. Though thinking about it now that could just be cos she found a wicked hotel and might not actually be anywhere near Seaham Ok my brain hurts lol. Anyway if we can make it within driving distance of Seaham so I have somewhere to run off to if you lot freak me out it would be much appreciated

 

Emily

xxx

[Bagpuss]

It would be great to be able to organise a northern meet up . I think the Herne Bay one went well from all accounts. I'm sure Oracle was suggesting something during the summer, but I'm not sure what response she got .

 

TN....are you sure you want to meet up ......all the kiddies may send you running to the first charity shop begging for a job!

 

Maybe we could organise an adults meet up if enough peeps were interested

 

Emily, the weekend sounds fantastic, although I can understand why being on a weekend full of unexpected surprises is going to be difficult for you. I've never been on one...maybe another forum member could fill you in on what takes place

[butterfingersbimbo]

oh no......i dont know what to suggest really.....although would have to agree that the tat shop with the books and music sounds like it could be a winner....i'm not very sociable myself really, thats why i'm on here a lot.......

 

defo be busy if the ex gets in touch, like the others have said there's nothing good for you going to come from that is there....

 

sending you some pos vibes, and muscle rub.....i know if i dont get to the gym then i start to feel rubbish, exercise is defo a boost to mental health and happiness, if you know what i mean.....

[TheNeil]

Seaham-Harrogate? Hmm. I reckon about 90 minutes down the motorway (I think - geography isn't my strong point either)

 

As for an adults only meet up (why does that sound 'wrong'?) then I'm up for it. That said I'd be up for any kind of meet up. So far Bagpuss looks vaguely interested and Emily looks a 'maybe' (provided it's in February). But how many peeps are there in Yorkshire/North East who'd be interested in having an AS/ASD meetup? The Herne Bay meetup was, by all accounts, a great success but a bit of a trek for us 'northerners' (unless I'm looking at the wrong Herne bay - it is in Kent, south of London, isn't it?) so maybe us flat cap wearing, whippet breeders should put something together. Scarborough? (although the thought of sitting on Scarborough beach in November/December isn't exactly appealing)(the thought of sitting on Scarborough beach at any time of year isn't exactly appealing but ho hum). If someone gives me a push then I'll create a post in the Off Topic section

 

As for the charity shop (i.e. trying to get back on topic) I phoned them up last night and they seemed keen to see me so I'm going to go along on Thursday to have a chat and see if we can sort something out. The shop manager seemed really enthusiastic (I didn't mention AS but I can't imagine that it'll make much of a difference). Like the running club, I decided to just 'do it' before the voice at the back of my head could talk me out of it...I'm all nervous now