kai going to foster care tomorrow

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Following my previous thread about Kai being arrested, it has now been decided that he should go into temporary Foster Care. I have been asking SS for help for so long, but they haven't listened to me. Now it's come to a crisis point and i can no longer have him in the house due to his extreme aggression and violence towards me and his baby brother.

 

I phoned SS Monday and told them I couldn't have him back, and it's taken them until today to sort out a carer. Unfortunately Kai does not yet know, and SS have left it to ME and the school to tell him in the morning .

 

I don't know how i'm going to tell him. He is still my baby and i love him to bits, but we can't carry on like this. Something serious will happen if i have him home again.

 

I feel so guilty. I have just packed his things and now i feel terrible. He'll be so confused.

 

The foster carer sounds nice and she's had 20 years of experience, so hopefully they'll get on.

 

Wish me luck for tomorrow, i'm going to the school at 11.30 to tell him he'll be going home somewhere else for the weekend .

 

Loulou xx

[Enid]

Oh Loulou, have been thinking about you all week, I was in your position at new year, when I wouldnt have him back from the police station on new years eve he went to a respite centre, I had to bring his things on new years day, it was two hours away and I had gone an hour when I realised I had left his clothes behind, it was quite honestly the worst day of my life, like you say they are still your baby and you love them, but when you are so scared its impossible. He is home now but its still day at a time. Will be thinking of you and sending you lots of <'> <'> . You are in an impossible position and have been for a long time. Please let us know how it goes. love to you and yours. Enid

[Flora]

Loulou <'>

 

I don't normally get emotional when posting.... but I wanted to say that I think you are incredibally brave. You have recognised that you are out of your depth and have taken steps to protect and get help for your whole family... that must have been one of the hardest decisions you've ever made.

 

You will always be there for Kai, this isn't you washing your hands of him, this is you taking the first very hard steps to stabalising your family and getting help for kai at the same time.

 

There's no point in me saying don't blame yourself or feel guilty, because parents always feel guilty about the hard decisions.

 

Try to see it as a postive step and a necessary temporary solution.

 

Best wishes

 

Flora <'>

[warrenpenalver]

Hopefully Kai will get the professional help he needs as soon as SS get a report on him from a professional foster carer as hopefully it will carry a lot of wieght.

[stressedmumto2]

Lou Lou I don't know what to say to you I really don't I am just hoping that this speeds things along for the resi school that you want.

 

My heart really goes out to you with this heartbreaking decision you have had to make and I really hope everything works out ok for all of you. I know with my son's foster worker it had taken s/s ages to find someone for him and I have to say she is fab but he hasn't done an overnight visit yet, when the time comes in October half term I will dread it though but I know it will only be for the night so it makes things a bit easier. I am sure that social services have definatly tried to find the right person for you and Kai, they are not going to just put him with anyone as they know his needs are complex and they wont want the place to fail as it menas he will be needing that resi school sooner than they hoped.

 

I don't know what else to say but wanted to send you a whole load of cyber hugs, <'> <'> <'>

 

Good luck for tomorrow <'> <'> <'> Please let us know how it goes, will be thinking of all of you <'> <'> <'>

[Cat]

Like Flora find my eyes very blurry while posting this. Leaving it until today to tell you what is happening is shocking. Yes I understand that they had to find the right person. You know that this is something you have to do, no choice. I hope that once you have gotten over this first weekend it will give you the space in your head that you need to get these people to REALLY help Kia, and not just step in with a temporary solution when everything is broken.

 

Be brave Loulou you need to be. You will find a way through this for all of you. Thinking about you <'>

 

Cat

Edited September 18, 2008 by Cat

[Stella63]

Loulou,

 

just wanted to say my thoughts are with you at this time - you are doing the right thing. Although life in our household hasn't quite reached the point you are at, it has come close and is never far away - <'> <'> <'>

 

Stella x

[bid]

Thinking of you all, Loulou <'> <'>

 

Bid

[westie]

I am thinking of you, its a brave and hard decision to make and I hope the foster placement is a success XXX

[NickyB]

Thinking of you, loulou <'> <'> <'>

[Tally]

loulou <'>

 

Hope this works out well for Kai and the rest of your family, and it leads to you getting the support you so clearly need.

 

Please don't feel guilty. You've been through enough, you really don't need to add guilt to that. You wouldn't have taken this difficult decision if there were other ways.

[Pippin]

Hi Loulou. It must be hard to see it as a positive move at the moment....especially as you have the task of telling him tomorrow. But it gives a chance for someone experienced to both handle him and assess him. Then you can hopefully move on with him. I'm sure we'll all be thinking of you over the weekend.

[JsMum]

Please dont blame yourself, its extream behaviour that your experiencing and no one is taking notice but you, you are only protecting him and that as a mother is what we have to do, its not your fault, your son has been let down by the system, if he had his needs met this wouldnt of got to this.

 

Remember this is respite, your not turning your back on him, your actually helping him, your preventing him from potentially harming his family any further before he goes too far, so your doing the most bravest thing anyone could do.

 

I have had to turn to respite for J in the past and its now up to ss to ensure your son now get the support he needs, if it doesnt work out at the foster mother then they will have no choice but to listen, with her experience that will really add wait.

 

I understand how guilty you feel, Been there too, but your doing this to help him.

 

 

I really do send you a great big fat bear hug, there for as long as you need, and remember you know we are here if you need to talk.

 

Contact a family also have helplines too and if at any time you need someone urgent there is members here including me that you could pm.

 

So dont suffer alone, your a great mum hugs and love.

 

JsMum

[pearl]

<'> thinking of you both <'>

[baddad]

very very best to you all

 

<'>

[madme]

hope it went ok. Hopefully you are asleep. <'> >< <'> Life really is sh**sometimes. Foregive me hope the weekend goes well for you both. I have to say having just watched "question time" that I feel that this gov has squandered so much. My daughter came home from school with a copy letter from the great Pm about spending for education abroad. I'm sorry but I do feel that we as such a small country with so many problems should concentrate on sorting out our education internally before we feel able to tell others how it should be. And before we start saying that money should be sent abroad. If I pay taxes here and have done since I started work my child and others in this country now should benefit first. I am no racist. I am just seeking to say that we dont have enough at this crucial stage and so must be realist. If in the future we are again in a strong position then we can reconsider. I am no racist. I just look at the money they say is allocated to such projects and as such hardtimes feel that people here should have the help- we all have to fight so hard and it can only get harder.

[tjw]

loulou my heart gos out to you, sending you loads and loads of these for what must be the hardest day for you <'> <'> <'> <'>

takecare

theresa xxx

[barefoot wend]

Loulou

 

Hope it goes okay for all of you.

 

Best wishes

 

Barefoot

[joybed]

Really thinking of you at this difficult time Lou Lou you really so very brave and an inspiration to us all. I feel so sad it as come to this though, if you had had help from the beginning it might not have been like this. They say the support is there but only when it fits in with there budget. Take care of yourself will be thinking of you.

[Suze]

I,m thinking of you Loulou, you,ve been very brave and the the best thing for everyone <'>, take care suzex

Edited September 19, 2008 by Suze

[KarenT]

You have done the right thing and have no reason to think otherwise. You're recognised Kai needs expert help and pushed to get it. I don't know if I could be that brave, tbh.

 

I hope it all works out for the best.

 

Karen

x

[Diane]

Hi LouLou

 

Just wanted to say that I am very moved by what is happening to you and your family. You are a brave lady and you should not feel guilty about doing this. You have been asking for support for along time and your requests have been ignored this is not your fault. You are keeping your family safe and this is the only way to do it. I am sorry that it has come to this and i can only imagine how heart breaking it must be for you.

 

<'> >< <'> >< <'> >< <'> ><

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I'm so sorry you're all going through this. You must be in turmoil. Things have obviously escalated (I recall your last few posts) - given you've the little one, as well as your unborn baby to consider, hopefully Kai going into foster care will give you a bit of a break. Clearly things couldn't go on and you must have been at absolute breaking point (as most of up would be in the same position) and getting little or no support. This is a decision you obviously haven't taken lightly. Hopefully this will be a turning point for you all. I wonder if SS and the like will take notice and do something if the foster carer experiences the same escalating violent and aggressive behaviour that you've had to put up with over the past while? I won't tell you not to beat yourself up over this, because you probably will anyway, but, remember that you've taken these steps for the good of you all. Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind, so to speak.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[bikemad]

Im so sorry hun, cant even begin to imagine how hard it must be, will be thinking of you. <'>

[lorryw]

Oh Lou, I am so sorry you are having such a horrible time. Social Services are the absolute pits and should have stepped in a long time ago. I do not know what planet these people live on, everything is down to cost. They forget that they are deaing with people not just names on bits of paper.

I have my fingers crossed that things will move on for you and you can find some peace of mind.

with love

Loraine xxx

[hassleabe]

thinking about yous xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lynyona]

<'> <'>

Aw Lou lou sorry things are so horrible for you at the moment Hopefully Kai will get the help he needs and things will be better for you all soon.As some one previous said ss can be the pits i rang up once in despair about my son and they sent a nice lady out to assess him this was three years ago not heard a word from them since rang them on two or three occasions to be told assessment takes time but we havent forgotten you i gave up in the end. <'> <'>

[Kathryn]

Loulou,

 

Don't know the right words to say but <'> <'>

 

K x

[Sooze2]

<'> <'> <'> Thinking of you.

[forbsay]

Thinking of you all at this time <'> <'>

[kirstie]

i'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you're ok. You have done the right thing for you all right now. HUGE hugs <'> <'> <'>