Mandapanda

You don't... By the way, love your picture

Hi Natterer These are the things which helped us: Brand new toilet seat and Aw being the first to use it. This was the biggest breakthrough. Wet wipes by the toilet. His own towel to use in the toilet. Liquid hand soap (he doesn't want to touch a bar of soap used by others). Honestly, dealing with it in a matter of fact way (as far as your patience can go ), with quiet positive mutterings (I always found 'going on' about things just focussed on them more and made them worse). Plant little seeds in their mind and they will eventually grow. We had tried everything too. Pooing was his biggest problem in the day (with constipation), and bed wetting at night. It sounds like your daughter has a germ thing going on as my son did/does. Toilets elsewhere were a huge problem, and he used to hold on for days. No idea about hypnotherapy - though did consider it for his anxieties. Good luck <'>

Hi Sadly, no these answers don't seem strange. I gave my doctor a list of all the difficulties my son was having and she said "There are thousands of adults like that" and threw it back at me! I just refused to leave until she'd referred him. He has twice been confirmed as absolutely having Asperger's. It is ignorance. GPs are GENERAL practitioners - they can't know everything no matter how frustrating that is to us. Is there another GP you could see at the same practice who might listen properly to you? Ignore him and push for referral - that will either confirm it or rule it out, or may find something else is going on - surely a GP can't object to that.

Hi I am sorry to hear things are really difficult at the moment. It is not your fault - there are many factors that contribute to how a child behaves. We do our best, we may mistakes here and there, but beating yourself up will achieve nothing <'> It could be possible a child could be 'mis'diagnosed, or other conditions a child also has could have been missed. I have 2 children on the spectrum, they have and do present very differently. Also, although they can learn how to behave, it takes much longer and more emphasis than for 'normal' children. It sounds on the face of it that you think he may not have AS because you have tried the suggested strategies and they haven't worked. Unfortunately life is never that simple . Each child has their own personality, different levels of comprehension, different levels of stubborness etc. In my personal experience, this type of behaviour can be caused by frustration and anger, and being unable to express this in the 'normal' ways. My youngest was extremely horrible to his brother for quite some time. It was a nightmare. Looking back, now that things are better, I can see it was because my youngest was so desperately unhappy, struggling to cope with life (particularly school), hated himself, had zero self-esteem, was perhaps jealous of his brother being able to cope with life. You need to get help for all of you. Go to the doctors for yourself - you need to be emotionally well yourself to cope with all of this. Go separately for your son, explain the risks to his brother, and they should refer him to CAMHS for assessment. CAMHS may also be able to offer family therapy which could offer some support to your other child. As far as 'being on his case all the time' - I would suggest you decide which battles are most important and be very firm on those, but let less important things go. You are only human and it is totally exhausting and draining.

Hi all My 17 yr old got me a birthday card My 14 yr old just did his own thing as usual all day...

Hi How are you getting on? Have you found anything out? Please let us know <'>

Hi Joe Welcome to the forum. I hope you enjoy chatting with people on here. Just one note of caution, you should perhaps be a little careful about giving so much specific personal information about yourself on the internet - such as specific places you go to combined with the fact you live on your own - stuff that could lead an unscrupulous person to try to take advantage of you. I would not be happy if my son was giving out this type of information, you can't be too careful. We all give out some very personal and intimate information about ourselves/families, but as long as no-one knows where you live or 'hang out' it should not lead to any problems. I hope you understand my concern. It sounds like you are doing extremely well considering the difficulties you have, you should be proud of yourself.

Hi KezT Thanks for bringing this to our attention. However, the NHS is already in effect privatised. Foundation Trusts run like a business, they don't have to make everything public, and they have very business like attitudes and pressures. The present government cannot be blamed for everything as most of the changes already made began under Labour. Also, in some ways things may well improve for patients, as the whole process of treatment is looked at from the ground up. The Trusts want to make the processes and procedures more efficient and 'better value for money'. Also, I have recently been treated in a private hospital under the NHS and it was brilliant, and a definite benefit for me as a patient. Scepticism certainly has it's place, but the NHS cannot go on as it has been in the past as it cannot afford the spiralling staff costs (many temporary/locum staff are employed at tremendous cost), and the huge costs of equipment and new drugs etc.

Hi Paula I remember you! This is brilliant to hear - thank you for sharing it. No doubt you'll have ups and downs, but there's obviously an overall upward trend that gives us all hope Well done to you both <'>

Thanks for that. I will fill in the questionairre.

Hi I used to find other children in the class were only too willing to tell me if Mj was having some sort of trouble. If you spoke to the teacher could someone observe your daughter through the day? Have you asked her about her favourite bits of school, and bits of school she's less keen on? It may point you in the right direction. In my experience the difficulties were playtime, the changing rooms, the cloakroom and the stairs. Noise, jostling, 'joking', mucking about, or downright being horrible can easily happen at these times when there is less supervision. My youngest wanted to join in football at playtime, but there was a large group who played for a club at weekends and were very cliquey and would never pass the ball to him, which made him feel very left out, especially as his best friend played football and left him standing.

Hi I'm sorry you've had this trouble. Benefits are hard work to get for ordinary people. I personally wonder if the turnover of staff in these departments is very high, and therefore the training could be rushed and the standard of staff could be quite variable. Some will care, some won't, some may have chips on their shoulders. Maybe pressure is on them to reduce the number of claimants, who knows. Perhaps he read something in to the fact your son was at an 'independent' school not a special needs school. I would approach the phone call with a clean slate. Stick to your facts and try to stay calm. DLA often gets turned down first time around, but awarded on appeal so go for it. Good luck.

Hi Matzoball This is so brilliant to hear. I'm really glad things are going well. I wasn't sure when I read about this project, but from your own experience it obviously is a very good idea! Well done and good luck!

Hi Sally Sorry to hear your troubles. I know different LEAs work differently, but it was the EWO that referred my son for Home Tutoring due solely to his non attendance at school. We have never had a 'sick note' as my GP just said 'he needs to be at school'. We did have a report from a Paediatrician and a letter from CAMHS which both stated he would find it difficult to cope at school due to depression, anxiety and traits on the autistic spectrum. We were threatened with prosecution by the school and CAMHS (!), but Education Welfare were actually really supportive and understanding. The Home Ed service initially tried online learning which I thought would be great for him, but when logging on he could see names of other kids logged on (and presumably realised they would see his name), and he became so anxious he really could not do it. He then had a tutor come to the house to do Maths. He had 2 really good sessions with the teacher, who was patient and explained things very nicely, then unfortunately my mother-in-law passed away and he was not able to face any more sessions. I ended up contacting my MP, explaining the situation and the reasons for it, and we ended up getting a letter from the head of the Education Authority stating that of course they wouldn't prosecute as he was off for known medical reasons (we still had no sick note). Eventually we deregistered him and he is happily home educated now. He learns on his own, talks about going to college and university, and what sort of jobs he might be able to do. Best wishes to you all x

Hi Jsmum Thinking of you, and hoping things work out. It's very sad when you are obviously trying really hard to care for him, and just want the support you all need to be put in place.

Hi bonbons I would have thought that ticks were anxiety related. My eldest had ticks when younger but wasn't an obviously anxious child at all. My youngest is severely anxious but doesn't have ticks. So perhaps it is a way of supressed stress and anxiety coming out. I found that if I tried to stop my eldest doing his tick, it would stop but another one would start. A helpful CAMHS person we were seeing at the time pointed out that by stopping one tick it may give rise to another tick that was less desirable. So we just played it down. Eventually he stopped the obvious ones and at 17 has a couple of only slightly noticeable (if you know what you're looking for) ticks.

Hi Gary I'm sorry to hear how difficult life is for you. I would suggest you print out your post and take it to your doctor, and ask to be referred for some more support from your local Mental Health Team. It sounds to me like you may need some ongoing support for a while, and perhaps to be taught some techniques to help you cope with certain situations that you find difficult or which can lead you along the wrong path. Best wishes

Thanks Adam I'm not good with foaming toothpaste either, so thanks for this information. We finally found the toothpaste my son had before - it is Sensodyne Extra Fresh, it is white with a blue gel stripe. Although, he was part way through the tube and dropped the lid behind the toilet (and didn't tell me) so wouldn't use that tube again, because the lid had been in cobwebs and the tube had been open to the air

Hi My eldest, Mj, is at College. He refuses to take notes, write down homework/coursework requirements. He admits he doesn't always pay attention. I've suggested he tapes lessons but he won't. He won't go to Student Support to be assessed for Dyslexia etc, and therefore doesn't get any specific help other than patient tutors and students keep answering the same questions. His History coursework (A2 level) is due in tomorrow, he hasn't started it and will probably be up till the early hours doing it, and then has an exam retake in the morning - yet he still doesn't see that he needs to change the way he operates. When I tried to talk to him he said 'having this argument is stopping me getting on' (I wasn't arguing!!). His Tutor says he does have an amazing memory which has obviously carried him through GCSEs. They are as frustrated as I am.

Good luck. I think it is appalling the lack of services for adults with asd in many areas. Best wishes

Hi Some great resolutions here guys Mine is to finish one book before I start another (I'm reading 4 books at the moment )

Hi joybed Sorry life is so hard for you all at the moment. I've had my way of dealing with these things, and I know not everybody agrees with it, but personally I would let him wear Ben 10 stuff (I think I saw some in the sales). You have to pick your battles otherwise life will be a constant battle and miserable for everybody, and you will end up totally exhausted and, if you're anything like me, feeling a total failure We have just had our calmest Christmas ever. Aw is 14 now. As the boys have got older they have got a little less rigid, and it is so difficult waiting for that to happen. Aw has learned not to get so over excited about Christmas, and have such high expectations of presents etc, which always led to huge disappointment in the past. Robodog and Roboraptor had a lot to answer for in previous years! I don't know how your household operates, but I would suggest giving him chance to wake up properly in the morning, and warning about what you will be doing. Don't automatically expect him to enjoy doing things the others enjoy doing - I've come a cropper by doing that many a time. Thinking of you. <'>

Hi Tally Maybe it was a blessing in disguise

Thanks Mumble I did email procter & gamble but they just sent me a curt standard 'thanks for letting us know your opinion' reply. I will try writing through, that's a great idea.

Hi Mumble What on earth did they do with the rest of the minifigs...