Paula

My As son is 12 and i too cannot move him when he goes into a meltdown mini or major. I find that i have to not speak to him,not touch him basically let him kick of and not respond as this makes it all worse.Thing is though hell come right up into my face and clench his fist sitting there hopeing he doesnt hit me is hard i darent let him see im scared else he might take it to a whole new level. Normally it blows itself out all is forgotten and then i dont ever mention it because itll set it all off againe. Life for us with our son is like walking on eggshelss constantly.The fear of setting him off makes us modify every aspect of our behaviour.

All my 12 year old AS son will eat is soup wholegraine bread and bannanas.He used to eat and try alsorts but his food intake is very limited. I wish i could give him vitamin supplements but he insists im trying to poison him and hes an uncanny knack of knowing if ive slipped something into a drink. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My As son was bullied when he went to mainstream school and he was only 5 at the time the school didnt give a damn about it.Luckily he was only there a year and now attends a special school hes never been bullied ever whilst at this school were so so lucky. My daughter who is 14 went through a period of being bullied 13 months ago though so i know the nightmare it can be.I only found out about it when i found a suicide note in her room and a letter saying bullies were making her life hell. When she came home i asked her about it and she broke down turned out it was a boy whoe was doing it.Luckily she knew his name and instead of approaching the school i phoned his mum direct.Riskey i know.She was horrified that her son was doing this and said shed have a word with him.I then phoned the school and told them what id done.They also had a word with the boy.I was lucky this was enough for it to stop.It had been going on for 6 months my daughter was too scared to tell me.Yet all it took was for his mother to find out what hed been up to. I hope you can sort it i realy do.Perhaps the mother of the bully could be called into school for a face to face meeting with you about it all.Is she aware of what her little darling is putting you and youre son through.Im betting she isnt you know.Bullying is a terrible thing and it makes kids life hell it also comes in all shapes and forms not just physical.Name calling and deliberate exclusion from groups of freinds is bullying also. I realy hope it can be stopped. paula

Ive 14 year old daughter who stays up while all houres watching tv in her room.Then moans and whinges when i shout her to get up at 7 am for school because shes tired.Weve told her not to watch tv but like all teens they do what they like. Our son AS he will only go to bed when me and his dad go up to bed.If we send him upstaires so we can have time alone its a waste of time because he gets in and out of bed roams about and goes into his sisters room causeing bother.So although annoying its best he stays downstaires with us.He does sleep through though once in bed. Lack of sleep and lack of time alone with youre partner arent nice.But what can we do Lots of caffene to keep us going through the day they all fall asleep eventually dont they !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brilliant idea rainbow. I often fealt no one beleived me because when my son went for assesments he behaved like the model citizen and my description of a rampageing violent screaming child always fell on deaf ears. He goes to a special school and even though that school is brilliant they also didnt beleive that my son could be a little monster at times.Againe the structure of the school meant they saw very little of this behaviour displayed. But when he got home hed have a meltdown and scream and stuff like a release at being in controll all day.So one day when this happened i phoned the school and asked to speak to the headmaster i then held the telephone out.He said whoes that i said its **** he culdnt beleive it but he had to.From then on when we discussed the problems i had to endure at home they listened and took me seriousley. How about useing a video camera as well making a tape of the behaviour.

The meltdowns are always easier to handle at home because you can just let them get on with it and for us it tends to blow itself out faster. But when youre out and about and it all kicks of its a nightmare.You feel put under pressure by onlookers and tutters to do something and sort it out.Then like me agaisnt what you know is right you try to stop the behaviour and it makes it all worse.My son is never ever wrong either and he never looses a game but thats another issue. Ive learnt the hardway though that even if out and about its best to not engage in any conversation whilst the meltdown is happening use minimum restraine just enough to stop him running into a road and try realy hard not to do what other people who aint a clue whats going on want or expect you to do just to please them because it doesnt work. Afterwards i find its best never to mention whats happened eles he sets of on a tantrum all over againe.

My son makes fleeting eye contact. I used to get annoyed in the past that he appeared to be not listening to me when i spoke as he never turned to look at me.Now i understand that he doesnt need to look me in the eyes to hear infact looking me in the face makes it harder for him to hear what is being said.

When my son goes of his food and refuses to eat i normally discover its because hes got a loose tooth or a sore mouth or throat.He doesnt tell me this its a guessing game. At the moment hes got 3 loose teeth and so will realy only eat soup and softer foods. Hope you find out what and if theres a reason behind it.

The most annoying thing people say to me is "But he looks so normal" Most people who meet my son for a short while dont realise the problems he has.It is only when you get to know him or spend a lot of time with him that you realise the complexity of it all. Even his special school couldnt beleive he could be violent and tantrum for england untill one day when he got home and started kicking of i called the school spoke to the headmaster and said listen to this.I helpd the phone out and he heard first hand my son yelling screaming ect.he said whoes that i said XXXX now do you beleive me.They realised then it wasnt a bed of roses and i wasnt talking rubbish.

This is a bit of a confession because i wanted people to know that if at times they react to an AS meltdown or just the general stress As puts on the family in general like i do sometimes and feel guilty then there not alone. Sometimes for me it gets too much.I get so angry ,im doing everything for my son everything the worst bit being haveing to wipe his bottom and clean up the mess.Normally he is kinda loveing and gentle unless something doesnt go as he planned.But sometimes hell look at me and push me out the way or go to kick me and hell say i hate you youre awfull with no emotion on his face at all and hell just walk away. Its like a knife in my heart and i snap.I normally go to my room and scream at the top of my lungs,shortley followed by swearing and general why the heck us why why WHY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets too much and you realy dont see the point and its like all youre efforts have been in vaine. Then it hits you they cant help it and its not personal.The guilt i feal at haveing let it get to me is horrid. But you dust youreself down and carry on. Surely every now and againe were allowed to let out all the upset.I find im contantly keeping a lid on it all because if i open the flood gates ill never be able to close them.

reuby 2 My husband play fights with our son also and says itll toughen him up.But what he doesnt realise is that it confuses him and then like youre son mine wants to initiate fights at an inconveniant time and then my husband whinges coz theres something on the tv and agro kicks of. Plus and i know this is going of on a tangent a bit i get kinda annoyed with my husband because hes at work most of the time and its me who does the bulk of the careing,me who deals with the gps and schools not him.Me who has to deal with tantrums and outburst whilst shopping whilst he sits at home or is at work liveing his life all nice and conveniant.Then he tries to muscle in with telling me how to deal with stuff and do this dont do that and i get wound up and angry at him and i start with the what the hell do you know about it attitude when youre never here. People dont realise the stress it puts on a marriage it pushes you to breaking point.Luckily weve come through the worst times and are still together.But its no picnic we often say its a miricle were still together.

Hi Im the mum of a 11 year old As son hell be 12 this month. Sorry youre haveing such a rough time of it.I just wanted to say that recently weve noticed that our son is becomeing more physical and violent.He used to be very agressive when he was a toddler and would hit punch nip and kick me on a regular basis.It was realy upsetting and left me fealing powerless at times. Lately though hes turned his attentions towards his dad.He will raise his fist and get right up into his face.My husband threatens him back and then we get into a bit of a row because i say ignore him youre making it worse and he thinks im wrong ect ect youll know the score i bet. I look at it like this though.First and foremost youre dealing with a teenage boy.Im dealing with a pre teen just kinda going into puberty.Regardless of The AS teenage boys do get a little bit more physical and agressive all that testostarone combine that with AS or ADHD and its gonna be explosive to put it mildley. Its so easy for parents to start argueing about how best to deal with it all ive been there most of our arguments are about how to deal with, how to deal with his behaviour whoes right whoes wrong on and on it goes with no real answers. Our house has been a hell hole at times if im honest everyone yelling me crying husband thretening to kill our son.But yer know what when i look around in amongst all this aggro our AS son will be sat oblivious to it on the ps2 all thoughts of his previous meltdown and upset long gone from his mind. Youre wife wont want you to leave itll be a knee jerk reaction. Xmas is a stress filled time none more so than when theres AS in the mix. Beleive me when my son is in full swing and im of on a rant due to my Bi polar our house is like world war 3 and armaggeden all chucked into one then wang in our teenage daughter on a strop and BANG !!!!!!!!!!!! Hope it sorts hang in there.I probably aint helped but i wanted yer to know yer aint alone.

oreo cookie Thankyou for that insight.My son AS hates certaine clothes and cannot stand haveing new clothes bought. As a parent i feel kinda bad because me my daughter and husband all look nice and our son is in tatty old clothes that he insists on wearing its as though he doesnt belong to nobody or that we dont care. This year ive told him were going to smarten him up a little.Hes looking warey but ive said im going to send for the next directory so that we can choose clothes get them delivered and he can try on at home rather than go to the shops which he hates also. Ive kinda tried to sell it all to him by saying all the girls will flock to him once hes spruced up !!!! againe he looked a little warey.

I didnt agree with the methods used at the school involved with the AS programme.But i was very interested to hear from the actual kids who had As as it provided at much needed insight for me into the reasons behind some of the behaviours they present. I wouldnt have wanted my son to go to the school involved though.

My son drank form a oittle and a "sippy cup" for a long while. I just wanted to say that my son whoes now 11 has a problem if the drink is too hot for him.And i stress what is too hot for him. His tea can to me feal virtually cold and hell say it is too hot and needs to cool down,also i found he was scared of spilling the drink and so id to only give him small amounts in a grown up cup at first. Or how about smoothies that flow slower out of the cup into the mouth so the shock of the liquid hitting the lips and mouth isnt as sudden. Good luck with it they all move on eventually.Its just small steps but they all get there. Paula

I watched the programme and id just like to say on the subject of the two teenage girls fighting and stuff that we musnt forget that first and foremost thats what they are two teenage girls.In my opoinion doing what teenage girls all over the world do,bitching kicking of and chaseing boys in a he likes me more than you kinda thing. Throw into that tourettes and other issues and its bound to be a mixed up blured kinda thing where its hard to see where the tourettes finishes and normal teenage carry ons start. On the subject of As and a programme about that about 6 months ago there was a tv programme on following around 5 teens and younger kids with As and seveare autism at a school.It interviewed them follwed them around school and at home.It was facinating and a real insight for those with As in the family and people just looking to understand more.

If only it were the fact that our son is AS but its not. Its alsorts of deep rooted family stuff.We dont realy get along im kinda the black sheep of the family being bi polar doesnt help.Not many peole are understanding of this condition combine that with our son being AS and i guess we can be the xmas guests from hell at times. I just cannot face another year of arguments and stuff because it just makes my condition worse and i need to stay well because this year with my son undergoing more treatment for his nose hes gonna need me more than ever. Ive whinged a bit i guess but it helps to get it of yer chest.

Made me cry.

I too have days when im filled with dread about what the future might hold for my AS son.I sit i cry and weep like a baby and my heart feals so so heavy.Is it worse for us mums. I know its daft because i know deep inside i am not to blame for the fact my son was born with choanal atresia and then we discovered he was As but theres a little voice inside that still says youre his mum you carried him in some way people will blame you the finger always points at the mother.Thats what i cant live with thinking i could have altered stuff that ultimatley im the cause of the AS. Will that fealing ever go away i dont think it will. Me and my husband have arguments about how best to deal with aspects of our sons behaviour.Both our approaches are different.I think let him be let him do whatever he wants mainly because im scared if he kicks of i wont be able to handle him because hes a big lad and getting stronger i just want a quiet life.My husband thinks im too soft and should get tough.But hes at work and im the one ultimatley left dealing with the tantrums alone. Im sorry im going of on one. <'> <'> <'> to all in need of it after xmas.

Jessica kingsley publications are a site you can find online that specialize in all sorts of books aimed at all aspects of autism,tourettes,downs syndrome ,adhd absolutley alsorts. You can order online or teleephone an order through.Ive had loads of books from them so i can vouch for it. My son is 12 this month hes AS.Hes only just realiseing hes different.We did the "selling " Autism to him.Weve always said hes special and stuff and pointed out all the stuff hes a bloomeing whizz at that us meare mortals arent. He attends a special school and his stamented againe we say this is because hes far too much of a genius foir the normal teachers to teach.I know not every body will agree with this method but hes happy were happy so no harm done.Hes proud to be AS and uses the word when he talks about himself.

Is it possible to just disown and never have anything to do with a member of youre family ever againe.I hope it is because its what i want. Christmas is so so stressfull for me.My son hates the change in routine hes got AS, i get all worked up and stressed due to haveing bi polar disorder and its just a difficult time. So what does my sister do.Phone me up go on and on and on at me for not doing this or not doing that.I try to explaine that our son doesnt like going out and that im all over the place but it falls on deaf ears. In the end i thought why am i listening to this and hung up the phone.I then texed her to say i never wanted to speak to her againe as she caused too much upset and stress. Our son is going to have to undergoe more operations to correct the choanal atresia he was born with which im dreading because AS, hospitals, paine and stuff just dont go together throw in me being a bit loopy at times and its gonna be a nightmare. So i think this year im gonna cut out my life people even if its family who make matters worse.I feal bad though but its got to be done.

Ive just seen two of the british kids invoved in this programme on this morning with fern and phil. What a fantastic paire of teenagers they were.Ill be watching this programme.It should be compulsorey that every body watches it to stop the ignorance surrounding tourettes. The programme on the tv a while back called the man who swears hes normal was also very good that was about an adult with tourettes and he was liveing a full brilliant life and was one of the most intelligent and interesting people ive ever had the pleasure to watch on tv.

My son will be 12 this month and he hates people laughing also.He just cant tolorate it and tells us all to shut up !!!!!!!!!!! We try to explaine were not laughing at him but at the tv but its like talking to a brick wall at times. We try to carry on as normal.Its sounds horrid but his AS controlls so many aspects of our lives and modifies our behaviour so thatt he doesnt get upset but i draw the line at laughing at a comedy on tv.

I think you should sod her !!!!!!!!!! Like you say let her stand on her own two feet without youre help shell soon come running back wanting her mums help. Then itll be you who can call the shots youre terms. I Know if only it was that easy. The times i said to my daughter sod yer dont come running to me ect ect but i always back down and give in.Because we love them we take what they chuck and they know this thats why they push us. They push the ones they love the most apparently. But that doesnt help.

<'> <'> <'> <'> Hope tommorrows better for you.