ive given up fighting

[hev]

steven has been at his residential school for a total of 7 days,he was due to go back tomorrow but the head has just phoned and said they cannot cope with steven and they no longer want him there

 

it is an independant school and i just feel numb,sick,everything

 

the school have informed lea and said lea will be in touch,i feel no school will cater for steven,this school was for aspergers,challenging behaviours,you name it they reckon they woud deal with the behaviours,obviously not

 

stuffing been knocked right out of me,will have to accept hes at home with me all time,i feel sick right now

[bid]

Oh Hev <'>

 

I don't know what to say, hun

 

Bidxx

[Bagpuss]

Oh Hev, I'm so so sorry. I never expected this I just don't know what to say, other than I'm here for you if you need a chat, take care and huge hugs x

[bid]

Hev, I've PM'd you with details of the school I work at, which is a specialist centre for kids with epilepsy, ASD and challenging behaviour.

 

Please don't give up...I do wonder if Steve's epilepsy is impacting on his behaviour, which a non-epilepsy specialist placement will find difficult to support, which is where the place I work at comes in.

 

Don't give up, hun!!

 

If you want to talk to me about where I work PM me.

 

Bid <'> <'>

Edited October 1, 2007 by bid

[annie]

Oh Hev <'>

 

I don't know if this helps, but Alex and school never worked out . I managed to get the LEA to agree to small group learning. It came under the LEA's Home Tuition Service. There were 5 or 6 children in each class with 2 teachers. He only had about 8 hours tuition a week, but it kept him in the education system and he did manage to get a couple of GCSE's, something we never imagined possible. It might be worth asking about it.

 

Annie

xx

Edited October 1, 2007 by annie

[sesley]

is it worth getting in touch with Advocacy for Education? on the NAS web page?see if they can advise you.

[smiley]

<'>

 

Hev. You must be feeling like cr*p at the moment. But, please don't give up <'>

This school just isn't the one for him - and with them approaching the LEA, at least you don't have to start from scratch.

 

I'm here if you want a chat. <'>

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

oh hunny <'> >< <'>

 

i have to say 7 days is not a long time to decide :wallbash:

i am here if u want a rant,

and if u want, as far as i know i am off Wednesday and can come up

loads luvs

xxx

[Clare63]

Oh my God Hev, can they just say that ? was there no warning or anything ? So sorry to hear this, I imagin you just don't know where to turn.

Thinking of you Hun, you know we are here for you.

<'> <'> <'>

Clare x x x

[bid]

Hev,

 

I think I'm right that you need to ask your LEA for an emergency Statement Review as this placement has broken down.

 

Can anyone else provide more info. about this aspect?

 

Bid

[baddad]

Hi hev so sorry

 

- nowt to say really, because i really don't know about this kind of stuff, but however you look at it, the implications of this very specialised school option breaking down (and so rapidly) HAS to make this a priority case for the LEA.

I think the options/choices you will have are getting narrower, but by a process of elimination they will be the ones most likely to offer the kind of support S really needs...

I hope they can find him that support soon, and that he and the rest of the family can benefit from it.

 

L&P

 

BD <'>

[pumpkinpie]

Sorry to here this , the Lea will need to get their finger out now <'> <'>

[Tally]

Hev, I'm really sorry, they really seemed to know how to handle him and settle him in. This is the last thing I expected to hear.

 

I can't really offer any practical advice, but I really hope you and Steven find a solution soon.

 

T x

[witsend]

Oh Hev, I'm so sorry to hear this after all you've been through you must feel so defeated.

7 days does seem awfully quick to for the school to decide it's not working, especially as they musy have has loads of info and discussions presumably before Steve started!!

I'm sure there's loads of stuff you now have to do to start sorting it all out again, but just for now take a day or two to get your strength back.

Keep posting so we can offer support love.

Luv Witsend.

[stressedmumto2]

Hev, I am so sorry to hear this for you and for Steve. Don't give up, there must be another school who can take him and help it may just be a case of searching high and low. I can't believe that they have done this so early when they know so much about him and his needs.

 

Ask the Local Authority for an emergency review of his statement, the placement has broken down and they should be trying to find alternative education. I really hope they find something for you and for Steve, take care <'> <'>

[elun1]

<'> <'> <'> Hev I just don't really know what to say - Poor you and Steven - Am here if you need to chat <'> <'>

[brooke]

Im so so sorry know how much you were hoping this would make a difference <'> <'>

Brooke

[pearl]

<'> Hev <'> I'm gutted for you.

So sorry love.

[wishingwell]

<'> Hev, 'I'm so sorry' <'>

 

This is a terrible shock for you!

 

I'm honestly lost for words.

<'> <'> <'>

[cmuir]

That's outrageous. Seven days isn't long enough to give Steven a proper chance. I understand how you feel - I was frogmarched into the head's office during Robert's first hour (let alone first day!). I was too upset to say very much ... then I got really angry!!! The next day I asked to speak to her and told her she had absolutely no right at all to write him off. I also reminded her to forget about her league tables and put him first. I advised her that I'd phoned (something SHE should have done) the challenging behaviour team and a specialist teacher from SPECTRUM. Things were very difficult for the first few weeks. Robert wouldn't take any instruction from adults and SPECTRUM advised teachers to do any communicating through a pupil. What they said they observed was one incredibly anxious little boy. Things are much better, but rome wasn't built in a day. Gosh that was very long-winded! My point is how dare they give up. I know from you're previous posts that you're a fighter. Everyone runs out of steam every now and again, and you're no different especially having taken a knock like this. Don't give up. If the school is a special school for ASD pupils with challenging behaviour, etc they should be well prepared. In this case sounds like they haven't been. Have they any idea of the damage this could do to Steven (and you!). Have you contacted IPSEA? In Scotland there's the Additional Support for Learning Act and it gives more amunition for parents. There must be an English equivalent.

 

Chin up and keep fighting. Pester power can get you a long way!

 

Caroline.

[ellisisamazing]

Sorry to hear this, Hev <'>

 

Hoping and wishing that this is resolved quickly for you both

 

Love to you and Steve, I feel for you both!

 

What a bugga of a day, eh?!

 

Keep your chin up, lovely!

 

Lisa xx

Edited October 1, 2007 by ellisisamazing

[JsMum]

<'> Has the school given any clear reason to why they can not meet his needs, are they saying his behaviour is over that of ASD, behaviours, if they feel this strongly have they had him assessed to address his difficulties and to suggest the right service that can meet his needs, its pretty unproffessional of them just to boot him out, with no clear explanations, what are the behaviours that he has suppose of done to resulted in this decision and why wasnt you consulted before this decision is cut and dry, I wouldnt rate a school if this is there practice of the most vulnerable children they probably hold in their care and try and persuade an LEA to part with their cash to pay to help stevie, I think there is something more than meets the eye in this case, I wonder if there is more to the story to what the real reasons are that your son can not stay or at least have a fuller assessments to determane his real needs.

 

If things esculate again at home I would consider a full time assessment of the possible reasons your son is so complex that even an independant treats all cant treat yours.

 

After their atrotous behaviour I wouldnt give that school another thought, obvously not the right place for your son there simply not caring enough thats for sure.

 

JsMum

[Kathryn]

Oh hev

 

So sorry to hear this - at such an early stage in the term too. The LEA must surely work hard now to find the right kind of environment for Steve.

 

<'> <'>

 

K x

[rmt]

Hi

I can't believe what has happened.

If a child is sent to an AS school you would assume that they would give the child a chance to settle and be ready for any problems. I've mentioned in previous links that my son has just started a school for AS. He is in week 4. He has had a very difficult time settling in. Last week he had the the best week.

I will send you details of my son's school.

 

Good luck

[Frangipani]

steven has been at his residential school for a total of 7 days,he was due to go back tomorrow but the head has just phoned and said they cannot cope with steven and they no longer want him there

 

it is an independant school and i just feel numb,sick,everything

 

the school have informed lea and said lea will be in touch,i feel no school will cater for steven,this school was for aspergers,challenging behaviours,you name it they reckon they woud deal with the behaviours,obviously not

 

stuffing been knocked right out of me,will have to accept hes at home with me all time,i feel sick right now

 

 

Hev,

 

I know I have mentioned this before - but a complete review of Steve with a Paediatrician seems the only way forward. With a good look and think about using Risperdal/Risperidone. Same thing. Perhaps a combination of this and Concerta will make Steve, calmer, manageable and teachable. I am surprised that the school didn't guide you through this process.

 

Steve's the winner in the end. His brain needs rewiring - I look at my son everyday and know I am giving him a fair chance to participate in life - of which just would'nt be achieveable by half without his meds.

 

Please find a good Paediatrician and trial him on the meds for one month - then ask Steve how much easier day to day living is for him.....! No doubt about it - these meds do need to be introduced in certain cases.

 

Thinking of you <'> sending you positive vibes - for the future <'>

 

love

Frang xx

[KarenT]

So sorry Hev.

 

But keep at it, there will be something out there so don't give up just yet.

 

Thinking of you.

 

Karen

x

[Paula]

Hev im so sorry

 

 

I realy dont know what else to say.........i guess some kids just dont fit into any system and trying to make them makes it worse all round.

 

I hope you find something i hope you find peace.

[desperate]

IF YOU REMEMBER WE HAD ALL THESE DIFFICULTIES WITH OUR SON NEIL. hE WAS PLACED AT THREE RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, AL PRIVATE, AND NON OF THEM WERE PREPARED TO KEEP HIM. i HAVE PLACE PREVIOUS THREADS ON THIS SITE TRYING TO TELL PARENTS THAT THESE SCHOOLS ARE NOT ALWAYS THE ANSWER. bECAUSE THEY ARE INDEPENDANT THEY ARE NOT GOVERNED BY THE SAME LAWS THAT SURROUND STATE RUN SCHOOLS. I HAD MMANY BATTLES WITH THE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION ABOUT THESE ISSUES AND THE BOTTOM LINE WAS IF THEY WERE SUBJECT TO THE SAME LAWS ETC THEN THEY WOULD NOT BE INDEPENDENT. I WAS EVEN TOLD THAT"IF A SCHOOL CHOSE TO EXCLUDE THE DAY AFTER A CHILDS ARRIVAL THEN THEY COULD. THEY ARE ALSO ENTITLED TO KEEP THE TERMS FEES. I KNOW SOME SCHOOLS DO IN FACT WORK FOR SOME OF OUR CHILDREN BUT THE MORE CHALLENGING ONES ARE NOT REALLY ACCEPTED AT ANY SCHOOL, UNLESS THEY HAVE SUCH A LOW IQ THAT THEY ARE PLACED AT SCHOOLS WHICH ARE NOT MUCH MORE THAN CONTAINMENT PLACES. I KNOW I WORKED AT ONE.

[soraya]

Oh Hev, you poor thing, just when you thought everything was ok, my heart goes out to you both. I have also given up fighting, school is such a battle, Nick is missing aas we speak, he got out of the bus on the way to school, i am not going to send him anymore as i cant take the stress, he can stay at home with me. I was going to fight for residential but your experience has made me think twice. <'> <'>

[pumpkinpie]

I hope you have manged to get some rest Hev.

I would agree with the things written here.

 

Ask the school to email you exactly why they cant meet his needs and what went wrong

Ring the Lea and stay on the phone until you have spoke to the someone in charge and find out what they are going to do.

You want an emergency meeting arranging preferably for this week.

Put the above in writing and send a copy to head of childrens services and social services saying this needs resolving and you expect a reply in ie 7 days.

I would ring ipsea and find out your legal position? Are you entitled to legal aid?

<'>

[Karen A]

<'> <'> <'> Hi.I am so sorry that the school placement has not worked out.Thinking of you.Karen.

[bid]

IF YOU REMEMBER WE HAD ALL THESE DIFFICULTIES WITH OUR SON NEIL. hE WAS PLACED AT THREE RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, AL PRIVATE, AND NON OF THEM WERE PREPARED TO KEEP HIM. i HAVE PLACE PREVIOUS THREADS ON THIS SITE TRYING TO TELL PARENTS THAT THESE SCHOOLS ARE NOT ALWAYS THE ANSWER. bECAUSE THEY ARE INDEPENDANT THEY ARE NOT GOVERNED BY THE SAME LAWS THAT SURROUND STATE RUN SCHOOLS. I HAD MMANY BATTLES WITH THE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION ABOUT THESE ISSUES AND THE BOTTOM LINE WAS IF THEY WERE SUBJECT TO THE SAME LAWS ETC THEN THEY WOULD NOT BE INDEPENDENT. I WAS EVEN TOLD THAT"IF A SCHOOL CHOSE TO EXCLUDE THE DAY AFTER A CHILDS ARRIVAL THEN THEY COULD. THEY ARE ALSO ENTITLED TO KEEP THE TERMS FEES. I KNOW SOME SCHOOLS DO IN FACT WORK FOR SOME OF OUR CHILDREN BUT THE MORE CHALLENGING ONES ARE NOT REALLY ACCEPTED AT ANY SCHOOL, UNLESS THEY HAVE SUCH A LOW IQ THAT THEY ARE PLACED AT SCHOOLS WHICH ARE NOT MUCH MORE THAN CONTAINMENT PLACES. I KNOW I WORKED AT ONE.

 

Sorry, Desperate, I know you have had a traumatic experience with your son, but I can't not respond to your post.

 

I work at an independent residential special school. Some of our kids have profound and complex learning difficulties, some are developmentally still at the 12 month mark.

 

But in no way is it a 'place of containment'.

 

I don't know when you worked in a special school, but I would be extremely surprised if these days any residential school would get through the endless care inspections if they treated the children like this.

 

We also have kids with extremely challenging behaviour, and with the majority we are able to turn things around and make a huge difference. We are so specialised that we tend to get the kids that can't be placed anywhere else.

 

Bid

Edited October 2, 2007 by bid

[BusyLizzie100]

Hev, <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

thinking of you. Take care.

 

Lizzie xxx

[lynyona]

<'> <'> <'> Hev <'> <'> <'>

 

I agree with what the others have said 7 days doesnt seem to even have give steve a chance to settle in.I hope you get sorted soon what a nightmare

[Flora]

hev <'> what an utter nightmare. Have you spoke to the LEA yet? There will be somewhere that's right for Steve. don't give up. <'> <'>

 

flora X

[hev]

thank you all <'> <'>

 

ive got my strong head on today and i cant give up,i think the school are terrible in their handling of it all,i honestly didnt see it coming

 

the lea phoned me today and we are already on the lookout for another school,she is sending me paperwork regarding a school in the post

 

as for medication im not on cahms books anymore because my cahms i have found are useless,is there anywhere else to turn apart from cahms re medication,im not sure at all of my feelings about medication,ive tried ritalin and clonidine,no difference to behaviours

 

for the time being me and steve are hanging around together like mates,thats how im making it feel for him anyway,its not his fault,i will get stressed,i know,so will he but ive been here before so maybe i will cope better this time,i will ring lea daily

 

thanks again,i really appreciate all your replies and pms

[Bagpuss]

Hev <'>

[oxgirl]

So sorry you're all having to go through this, hev. <'> <'> What does Steve think about it all?? It seems very unfair of the school to give up so quickly and not give it a good chance to work.

Good luck with finding somewhere better. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[bevalee]

<'> ><

 

Sorry to hear about the school Hev. Do you remember when my son went to the specialist AS placement?

He had a really rough time and wouldn't settle either. That is when CAMHS refered him to a specialist ASD team.

I'll Pm you the address, don't give up, if this school isn't suitable for Steve there will be one that is.

[curra]

Hev <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Hope the LEA finds the right school for him soon!

 

 

Curra