big mamma Report post Posted November 22, 2004 hello Kay, Welcome to the forum. I know exactly how you feel but once you know what you're dealing with things are lot less scary. I don't know what help ( if any ) you're getting at the moment but I've had tremendous support from my early intervention worker. Don't know what's on offer in your area but I'm sure your Health Visitor could point you in the right direction. Let us know how it goes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hatter Report post Posted November 23, 2004 Hi, I thought it was about time I introduced myself as I visit these boards a lot but have not yet posted. I have a 3 1/2 year old son who was diagnosed ASD in the summer- he currently goes to a special playgroup 3 mornings a week where he is making good progress with PECS and visual timetables, he really enjoys it there. It gives me a break and a chance to drink tea with other parents at the same stage as us. My older son (6) is starting to concern me (possible AS?) but then I am a natural born worrier and haven't done anything about it yet. Anyway, it's a busy time of morning (school run- always a nightmare) so I'd better go. I'll be back later! Harriet Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bevalee Report post Posted November 23, 2004 Wellcome to the forum Harriet Keeps me sane! its really good for advice and letting of steam! Everyone is really nice. <'> Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ebany Report post Posted November 24, 2004 Hello all, My fiance has recently been officially diagnosed with Aspergers, though it has been suspected for some time. He is mostly pretty 'normal' though sometimes can be difficult. I'd love it if anyone has any suggestions on how to get an adult aspie to do the sensible thing, rather than whats more fun (like actually going to work, or not spending the rent money on a computer). Thankfully he is perfectly capable of getting by on his own, he can just be very shy of strangers and gets very upset about being late for things (to the extent that he wouldnt go to work because he was running half an hour behind). We are living in a shared house with a group of his friends now, though I'm not sure if thats being good or bad for him. Im mainly trying to find out as much as I can to try to ensure that our marriage will last and we will stay together as he is the most important person in the world to me, but sometimes he can really drive me crazy. I've followed a tip someone gave in another thread today and have given him a precise list of what I expect him to do each day while the rest of us are out working rather than just saying 'look for a job and tidy up around here' so I shall see when I get home if this has worked. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris Report post Posted November 24, 2004 Hi Ebany, Welcome to the forum Kris Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
12indians Report post Posted November 24, 2004 Hi everyone I have just found this site and hope it will be useful. I am a mum of 4 (3 girls and 1 boy). My 2nd child was diagnosed with ADHD/OCD/CD at the age of 3 yrs and 10 months and I have to say now at the age of 11 years she is doing well. She is in mainstream school, struggles somewhat and am unable to get the ed assessment that she badly needs. She is medicated so is pretty much controlled - only I find that when she throws a tantrum it is now bigger than previously but less frequently. My third daughter (9) today been given a preliminary diagnosis of Aspergers. She has frequent temper tantrums and is violent towards her siblings - so much so that she is staying with her dad for a few weeks. I know the school is going to find this diagnosis a shock as they have outright said that "they don't believe she has that" I havent yet been given any treatment options but desperately want my daughter home with me- I can't cope with her at the moment as I have just come out of hospital. How do I explain to my daughter what Aspergers is, and how do I explain to the other children (boy is 7). Do you have any good web sites that you can recommend? Is there any advice on carers allowance that is easy to understand - I work full time at the moment so dont get it but am considering droppig my hours of work to be here for the children more - although this is my form of escapism from the living nightmare!!!! Any adivice gratefully received. Nat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bevalee Report post Posted November 24, 2004 Hi Ebany and 12Indians A big <'> Welcome! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted November 24, 2004 Hi Ebany and welcome to the forum, My husband was diagnosed with AS last year, we have been happily married for 27 years. He has gained a better understanding of himself since he was diagnosed. I would advise you both to learn as much as you can about AS. Good luck. You will find a lot of help and support on here, so if you have any questions, just ask, hopefully someone will be able to help. The following link is to information on AS / Relationships and Marriage http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...st=0entry8072 Nellie xx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted November 24, 2004 Hi Nat and welcome You will find lots of support and information on this forum. If you look at the top right hand corner of the page you will find a Jargon Buster which gives lots of information and links. The resources sections also have lots of information. Take your time to read some of the topics, you should find information relevant to your particular problems If you have any questions, please ask. Information on Carers allowance can be found at http://www.dwp.gov.uk/ or call the Benefits Enquiry Line 0800 88 22 00 or you could try your local Citizens Advice Bureau, they might help you fill in forms as well as giving you advice. Good luck, keep in touch Nellie <'> Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ebany Report post Posted November 26, 2004 Thanks nellie, I got the Aspergers in Love book from Amazon and it came through yetserday. Thankfully I get a lot of time sitting doing nothing in my job (in a very quiet call centre) so I read the whole thing in one day. A lot of it was very familiar, and now I just have to convince my partner to read it through as well, as I am sure it will also help him a great deal. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted November 26, 2004 Thanks for your reply Ebany, If your fiance is anything like my husband he won't want to read it. I didn't put any pressure on my husband, I just left it lying around. My 86 year old father-in- law read it, (definitely AS but undiagnosed). He did appear to have found some coping strategies after reading it. Loving Mr Spock by Barbara Jacobs is a very good book, Barbara writes about her relationship with someone who is AS. Nellie xx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ebany Report post Posted November 26, 2004 Thankfully my partner seems perfectly happy with his diagnosis and just seems to like the fact he has an excuse. I expect he will read it at some point if I remind him enough. We were sat around the dinner table last night with the others we share a house with and everyone was taking a look (he isnt self-concious about it at all) and it will probably be helpful for them too in some ways. I just want to find out as much as I can so that we dont end up either separating or miserable. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ryanowen Report post Posted November 28, 2004 Thanks a lot everyone. I am feeling much better about things already. I am a childminder and it is sometimes hard watching younger children developing quicker than Owen. I took a week off from childminding and spent lots of time with Owen on his own and this has helped me remember how lovely and special Owen is and look beyond his new label. Best wishes Kay Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted November 28, 2004 Hi Kay, Thanks for the update, glad your feeling better, your week with your son sounds wonderful. It's never easy, but in time it becomes easier to accept the differences. Hope your finding the forum useful. Keep us posted, we would love to hear from you. Nellie xx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SylviainTokyo Report post Posted November 30, 2004 Hi There, My name is Sylvia and I live in Tokyo Japan. I have a 16year old son who has aspergers he loves to be at home alone reading, watching movies and the internet it is a shame school has to get in the way of his blissful homelife. He attends an English speaking international school,where I and my husband work. We also have another son who is 14. I am always looking for bits of information and support to help guide us as a family. He was diagosed when he was six and it is amazing how the information about AS has grown over the last ten years. I look forward to reading peoples postings. Bye for now. Sylvia Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted November 30, 2004 Hi Sylvia, welcome on board, There's lots of information and support on here. Looking forward to 'chatting' with you. Nellie xx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lorryw Report post Posted December 1, 2004 Hi everyone, I am so pleased to have found this site. I have had a quick flick through the posts(2 hours!!) and it seems to be just what Im looking for. My name is Loraine and I am the Mum of a nineteen year old. He left school 3 months ago and I am now his full time carer. We are waiting for Social Services to put something in place but they have decided he is a square peg in a round hole, which has really been the story of his life. Any way we love him to bits ewven though he drives us to distraction! Loraine Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted December 1, 2004 Hi Lorraine, welcome to the forum, I hope you find it useful. We are waiting for Social Services to put something in place but they have decided he is a square peg in a round hole, which has really been the story of his life. I don't believe for one moment that your son is a peg!! If he were a square peg, SS could always make a square hole to fit!!! I hope you manage to get some support for your son, they don't make it easy do they? You may find the following topic useful, maybe you have already read it during your 2 hr. quick flick through the posts!! Adult Provision ? Forward Thinking., Post 16 Provision. http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=1093 Take care Nellie xx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Elefan Report post Posted December 2, 2004 Welcome to everyone who has joined the forum recently. Thank you for the many kind words of encouragement about our very existence and glad that it seems to be meeting a need. It is very much a 'team' effort. Elefan xx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dorcas Report post Posted December 4, 2004 Hello, I'm Dorcas. I have 3 children aged 11 (almost 12), 9 and 4. The 4 year old is Harry and he started (mainstream) Reception in September. Harry will probably be diagnosed with an ASD eventually. He has delayed language development and various behavioural traits that fit the pattern. He had 1:1 support 3 mornings a week in playgroup and has been attending school mornings only while they get organised. This doesn't bother me. He is not yet at compulsory school age and I quite like to have the early part of the afternoon with him before the others get home. We have a big interdisciplinary meeting next week. The community paediatrician and speech & language therapist are coming to school to see us and the SENCO (who is also his class teacher). I?m actually quite nervous about this even though I?ve met all these people before and never had any problem with them individually. I will try and post here regularly although I?m really a natural born lurker. Dorcas Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Joe's gran Report post Posted December 4, 2004 Hello Dorcas, Welcome! My grandson is 3 and a half and sounds a little like your son. He has very disordered language and is just going through the statementing process. I know my daughter gets nervous about all the meetings too. There seem to be lots of people on here with vast experience and I am sure you will get the support you need. Good luck with the meeting. Joe's gran. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Joe's gran Report post Posted December 4, 2004 I must get the knack of these little smiley things; they seem to pop up where I don't want them!!!! That one in the middle should have been at the end!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billie Report post Posted December 8, 2004 Hi, I am a mum to 3 kids - my eldest (10) has been on the SEN reg almost since day 1 at school - had often told health visitors that she was different & was told 'she'll grow out of it' or not to compare her to my other 2... Eventually the school asked me to get her refered to specialists as they felt she probably has Aspergers (the SENCOs opinion). 18 months speant being told she was just emotionally blocked & imature by a cognitive health therapist, she then admitted perhaps it may be Aspergers or similar! She was recently seen by a peadatrician & has now been refered to a social communication clinic for her social commincation problem - possible Aspergers with a bit of ADHD & dyspraxia thrown in.... She has also suspected of having something called Marfan syndrome & is undergoing tests (the blood test was a nightmare). Life is never simple & I am glad to have found this site - I think it may be the life-line I need to keep my sanity! (Please excuse any spelling mistakes as I have a head cold at the moment!) My other kids are 9 & 6 (girl & boy). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Elefan Report post Posted December 8, 2004 Hi billie, Welcome to the forum! Hope it is the life-line you are looking for. I also hope that you start to get some answers that can allow your family to get appropriate help and support along the way. Good luck. Elefan Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted December 8, 2004 Hi Billie, welcome. You should find lots of support on here. Best wishes Nellie Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
patrick Report post Posted December 8, 2004 hello, i'm patrick and have a 12 year old son called felix who is aspergic. we live in london and i am his main carer.he has refused to go to school for the last few years and has worked through a number of home tutors. At the moment there is none and he is too clever to logisize a reason why he should learn anything that doesent interest him. Its like debating with wigttenstein (cant spell that) even though we have won a full funding from the council. Felix is shockingly musical and has also started to draw. He can hardly get down the street or move without breaking something or bumbing into but he plays guitar as if it was part of his body. However, he really struggles and is becoming aware of what his aspergers means to his life and his future. If i'm honest , he has become rather depressed. He is very attatched to me and i seem to be his dad,nurse and best friend all in one. I worry about this a lot as sometimes am not very good at any of them, because who could be. His mum and i are seperated but have a good relationship and she lives close and he sees her everyday as part of his routine. He hates us being seperated though. Even though he has never really been able to hold down any friendships he is lonely for someone like himself. Any help at all on the latter would be very very appreciated except it would have to be a philosophising goth/punk who is a vegan, animal activist and anti any control systems or class systems (i wish i was joking). We have had some of the greatest moments of my life but somedays it just breaks my heart completely. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted December 8, 2004 (edited) Hi Patrick, You sound like a pretty dad to me!!! We can not be everything to any one person all we can do is our best. !2 is a difficult age - having already been there with my middle son, now 17 and also AS - I know that only to well. It's the age when the realisation that they are viewed as being different really begins to kick in. We have had this along with the depression and not going to school. In the end we gave up and decided that David would not go back to school. He to would never do anything that he could either not see the point in or had no interest in, so we went with his interest for quite a few years. Eventually the will to learn returned and we started afresh from there. What do you call learning? We taught David self help skills and life skills. You will not believe me when I say that you and your son are lucky because as he does grow older there is lots that a dad and a lad can do together. It's so much harder for a mum to trail around with a big strapping lad - that's when it does look odd. I am also lucky because I have a 25 year old son who does all of the blokle stuff with David and because of this David has actually gained a social life. Ok the friends he now has are his brothers friends but David is accepted and joins in most things with him. If anyone had told me when David was 12 that he would now be outgoing and going out and about I would not of beleived them - but he is. 12 is a difficult age because the hormones kick in to and depresion is pretty common place as is lack of motivation. Some days we worked on triple time and got nowhere. I now know that this was not because we were doing anything wrong it's just the way it is. The only thing you can do is be there - and you are - and so are we now. This forum is also a place to be - Welcome Carole Edited December 8, 2004 by carole Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lotus Report post Posted December 10, 2004 Hello! I suspect my husband has AS. We have been married 2 years and in a desperate attempt to sort our marital problems out I stumbled upon Maxine Aston's book "Aspergers in Love"...it was like reading my diary! We will be asking our counseller to refer him for a dignosis, but the relief that I feel that there may be an explanation to our problems that goes beyond the "I don't think my husband loves me" is incredible. Are there any other women out there in a similar position? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted December 10, 2004 Hi Lotus, welcome to the forum, It's lucky you stumbled on Maxine's book!! As you say it's a relief when you get an explanation to all the problems. I have been married for 27years, my husband is 53 and was diagnosed with AS last year. My 26 year old son was diagosed with ASD at 19. There's lots of useful information on the following link. AS / Relationships and Marriage - Information on family relationships. http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=727 Good luck, keep in touch. Nellie. xx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Elefan Report post Posted December 14, 2004 Welcome aboard, Lotus!! Looking forward to 'chatting' with you. I see you have met one of our ASD guru's, Nellie, already. Kindest regards, Elefan Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anastassia Florinevna Report post Posted December 20, 2004 Um, hi. My hypochondriac mother started really getting into physical and mental... uh.. problems and speculated that I might have schizophrenia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, autism, this, that, and finally, AS (I was diagnosed with the latter 2 1/2 years ago). (Me and my parents took this online test and I scored below them, as in, I have less of it than my parents... my father scored the highest.) Anyway... not much to tell about me, nothing at all. I don't know a million people with whatever and have all these interesting stories to tell like most of you. *rushes out of thread when nobody is looking* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katkin Report post Posted December 20, 2004 Well what a technophobe I am!! I waded strsight in and started posting on the boards and now I've found the intro. thread, so... Hi everyone! I do not have a child with asd but work within the education field (no don't bite I'm really nice!) as a home/school worker. I've already said on one of my other posts that it is amazing the amount parents know about everything. So I am here burglar bill style to say "I'll have that" whenever I see something I can pinch for work. I also do some work under the direct payment scheme for a friend who has a young adult son with autism. I've worked with asd children and young adults for some years now in residential school and mld school and I'm still learning lots. Look forward to stealing all your knowledge and getting myslf a payrise!! Kat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
olliesmum Report post Posted December 30, 2004 Hi I have just stumbled accross this site by accident - trying to find someone else who I can relate to!!!! I have two children aged 7 and 4, my youngest Oliver was diagnosed with AS back in August. Although his condition has been confirmed nobody seems to be in any hurry to help us? We live in the South West and have been put on a waiting list for the Early Bird Scheme and Ed Phyc to contact but nothing seems to be happening. I am constantly ringing only to be told things are in hand!!! Christmas has been an absolute nightmare and Ollie has been on constant meltdown for the last week, only sleeping 4 hours per night. I would love to hear from anyone who can relate to the desperation I am feeling at the moment (thumping head, racing heart,grey hairs rapidly appearing, nails bitten to the quick, do I need to go on!!!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted December 30, 2004 Hi Olliesmum, welcome to the forum <'> I'm sorry you have such a rough Christmas, it can be a difficult time for kids with AS, and a nightmare for their parents. You have stumbled across the right place for information, understanding and support. They are a great bunch. Look forward to 'chatting' with you. Nellie <'> Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
big mamma Report post Posted December 31, 2004 Welcome Ollie's Mum. Hope you find the forum as helpful as I do. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynyona Report post Posted December 31, 2004 hi ollies mum oh yes i cant relate to the frustration your are suffering at the minute my son with as was only diagnosed in april of this year at the tender age of 17 and know because he has turned 18 the services are few and far between with little help whatsoever so we muddle through,hopefully because yours are younger the services will be there for you. This forum as been a godsend to me and they can really take pride in it they all do a great job so use it it has sure helped me. lynn Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sylvm Report post Posted January 1, 2005 Hi I joined yesterday, and introduced myself in the bit below .. only realised later that I think I'm supposed to do it here. Won't repeat myself too much, in some ways we're quite fortunate, I think but it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Currently looking for strategies and support of which there is a wealth of stuff on this wonderful site. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted January 1, 2005 Hi Sylvm, Happy New Year and welcome to the forum. You will find lots of information and support on here, I hope you find it useful. Nellie xx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Helen_1980 Report post Posted January 2, 2005 Hello, my name is Helen and I have two girls aged 3 and 12 months. I live in Worcestershire. We are quite sure that our 3 year old is autistic and currently await a proper diagnosis. I have had to take in a lot of information in the last few months and I now find myself constantly worrying and analysing our 1 year old's behaviour! I look forward to "meeting" some of you Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted January 2, 2005 Hi Helen, Welcome, I hope you find the information and support you are looking for. It must be quite a worrying time for you, many people on here will be able to relate to how you feel. Take care <'> Nellie. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
