Have you ever had to admit

[lil_me]

That you just aren't coping

 

 

Sat in tears now after loosing my temper with my son, went to a support group evening and he's done nothing but play up all night, then kicked hit and bitten me all the way home whilst I was trying to drive, almost crashed twice.

 

I keep putting on a brave face but I get home and I just cry and cry, just getting to the stage now I don't think I am coping, he's getting worse not better when it comes to behaviour and I am at the end of my patience with things. He won't eat or sleep properly, then Dad comes in saying what are you loosing your temper for (he's not been there all day) and 'saves the day' by giving him what he wants.

 

Sometimes feel like I am battling against everything and everyone and however brave I seem on the outside, I'm not coping, not at all.

 

I thought about speaking to the GP but I don't want to either loose my kids or be put on sleeping pills which mean I can't deal with him. Makes matters worse probably that my medical problems are getting worse.

 

Sorry for the rant but I am sat with tears flooding and feel maybe someone on here may understand as noone else seems to. I just don't know if I can do this any more.

[baddad]

Hi Lil me -

 

Yes! Many times!!

 

Poor consolation at this moment, I know, but it seems to go in cycles. You will come out the other side, I know, and then you get the reward of seeing good things happening: big strides forward, major breakthroughs and all the wonderful feelings that go with them...

Sometimes it seems so unfair, 'cos when the good stuff's happening it sort of lulls us into a false sense of wellbeing which means that when we do hit the next bump it hits us all the harder...

What you need to be doing now, if you can, is taking some time out wherever and whenever you can grab it - and extra two minutes soaking in the bath or earlier into bed really can make a huge difference - and let all things 'autie' that aren't demanding immediate responses slide for a while. I was in the same boat myself a few weeks ago - 'autism'ed out', and sometimes you just have to put your feet up and let it all wash over you...

Give the support group a miss for a couple of weeks: the negatives seem to be outweighing the positives at this particular point. When things calm down a bit, the positives'll get the upper hand again, and then the group will be able to be what it's meant to be for you.

 

Meanwhile, big big <'> <'> and very, very best wishes

 

BD

[bevalee]

Hi

 

I remember feeling like that very, very well. I cried all of the time and felt i just couldn't cope any more.

 

I went to my GP and he prescribed some anti-depressants for 6 months. I have to say they really helped me. I could deal with R's behaviour because i wasn't so anxious and depressed. It helped the whole situation.

 

<'> <'> <'>

[DAS999]

Yes I have felt like that loads, you are not alone and my thoughts go out to you.

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[Suze]

Hi lil me, these things do seem to come in waves, how ever if the waves keep coming and you can,t get your head above water, think about maybe seeing your gp.But aside from that, do have some " me "time and learn to look after yourself aswell as everyone else. A few weeks ago I felt at rock bottom, today things arent so bad, you may turn the corner on this tomorrow, stay strong were all here, Suzex.

[phasmid]

God yes!

 

Our support network (and it wasn't much) was pulled out from under us the moment Phas Jr hit 14. Bang! There one minute and gone the next - with nothing to replace it. At that time things were particularly difficult and we went to pieces. It was only through the help and intervention of staff at my school that we got through this.

 

We got through it and, as is our way, used it to learn lessons from.

 

So I know how you feel. You will get days (sometimes weeks) like this. But, remember this you WILL get over this. In the meantime we're here if you need us.

[Clarkie]

Hi there -

 

Yep - we're listening - and we do know where you're at. Do think about going to see the GP - even it's just someone to sit face to face withh and who will listen to you. I still get good and bad days - I'm on "spitting feathers day at education" at the moment and too angry even to post about it - and tomorrow I may be happy or tomorrow I may feel as though the world is spinning round me and I'm out of control again. I do understand - but you know what, there is nothing wrong with admitting you aren't coping at the moment - it doesn't make you a bad person - and these waves will keep happening and you feel as though you drowning. Try to remember though you will come come back up - you will.

Take care and big <'>

 

Clarkie

Edited March 18, 2006 by Clarkie

[mandyque]

<'> I've been there too and sometimes it helps to just bawl your eyes out to relieve the stress that builds up inside at times like that so cry all you need to. If things are really too much for you then go and see your GP, you could get some anti-depressants as a temporary measure to help you through.

 

Does the support group help you much? Can you tell them that you are feeling beyond coping, they might be able to help or point you in the right direction for help.

 

<'> again I think you need it xxxxxxxxx

[annie]

Hi Lil-me,

 

I been there so many times as well. Most of the time I think us parents run on over-drive, then suddenly everything just catches up with us and we feel like we just want to run away from it all.

 

Everybody has always thought that I can cope too. I can.....most of the time. Earlier this year, things came to a head with me. I ended up round the doctors and on anti-depressants. I only took them for a week, I haven't touched them since.

 

Things will get better, but as others have said it may be a good idea to speak to your GP.

 

Please remember though that you are NOT a bad mum because of how you are feeling at the moment. You are a good mum.

 

Annie

<'> <'>

[mossgrove]

<'> <'> <'>

 

Sending you some of these.

 

I know It's hard to believe right now, but it does get better.

 

Simon

[bid]

Oh lil me <'>

 

I think we all know exactly how you're feeling, because we've all been there and got the t-shirt!!

 

Have you thought about ringing your son's consultant to ask for an appointment? If you ring the hospital and ask for their secretary, you can then pour your heart out to her (I've cried down the phone at secretaries, consultants, you name 'em!) and hopefully get an appointment to see what help you might be able to get.

 

You don't have to battle on alone...let the professionals know you're in crisis and can't do it any more

 

Be gentle with yourself, too, and take care.

 

Bid <'>

[lisann]

Hell yes this is exactly my life one min up the next down.ASD AS does take it toll and remember we are only human. Our emotions go into hyper sensative mode very easy cause we deal with so much.Things will get better and it will be something very small which will chear you up.Last week while sat crying on the floor in the kitchen out of sight Char apperaed and patted my head and said "Um on Ummy Peper pigs on"??

 

Had to laugh thats was one of his best attempts ever to show emotion.

 

We are all with you and this shoulder can be well and truley cried on when ever you feel the need.

 

Love Lisa x

[lynyona]

oh lil me <'> <'>

 

Ive been there many a time as have the others here it is hard but usually after a good old cry .I often get like that when im having a bad day not just a kieran dy but things in general going wrong and kieran just seems to be the last straw.lynn

[lil_me]

Don't think you all realise how much this means, thanks, and I mean that, you guys and girls are the best. I could only read so far through properly and tears started again but will read every last word tomorrow I promise.

 

 

<'>

 

 

Big thanks to Simon for listening to my ramblings tonight aswell, as my son would say 'Mam went off on one again'

Edited November 14, 2005 by lil_me

[CarerQuie]

Oh yes,I've been there too.Not a nice place to be;it does seem to come in waves.I did take anti-d's for a while and they did help.xx

[Kathryn]

lil me,

 

Just want to add lots and lots of these <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

to the wise words others have said.

 

I've been in that black hole too. You will get out of it, but grab all the support you can.

 

K x

[Brook]

Hi lil-me <'> <'>

 

most definitely can relate, as the others have said.

Sometimes you think that you should be so strong, always the one fighting, always the one looking for info, always the one trying out new strategies etc etc...

Sometimes things go really well for a while and we see great progress, we are off telling everyone how well things are going and whats been achieved, then all of a sudden things start to get on top and feel as if they are falling apart, then we are not so quick to go off telling everyone that things have gone downhill, I think sometimes we feel that we need to be so strong that we can almost fool ourselves for a while.

 

I just want to say thanks for having the courage to post your thread, as it's made me realise that we all go through these cycles and I'm not the only one, we do have this tendency to wear the brave face constantly even when underneath we are feeling crushed, but one thing is sure we always manage to pull ourselves out of it and I genuinely hope you start to feel on top of it soon. <'>

 

Take care

 

Brook

[Malika]

Hi lil

 

I have been there as well many times but the worse was when H was nearly 2 years and my daughter 8 all my life was in a mess the divorce my daughter health (always been) H did not want to sleep to stop breast feeding and to be potty trained then the big hit with my ex and the court case against him the witnessing my daughter psychologicaly destroyed, and the two kids fighting like cat and dog.

 

Everything would start me up any comments any difficulties and tears would over flow but the top was when my 2 were in bed, I would sit in the kitchen and let it go I would cry sometimes for 2 hours and sometimes I would cry myself to sleep.

 

It did last for around 6 months I don't know how I got over it but I did then life seemed to be tastier again, and H stop breast feeding but was not potty trained daughter was better and we won the court case (May 2000) and Summer came with some sunshine and my Mum for 5 weeks, and really it has never been that bad again, eventualy H was potty trained the following year he was nearly 3.

 

I had nearly cancel all Dr appointment for 6 months when I eventualy went to my daughter consultant who knew us since she was a baby I just told him I really couldn't make it I was drowning ( he knew what had happened) he just said "yes I thought you would have been" this as well help me so somebody could understand I was not a complete nutter after all.

 

Strangely the children were my main reason to be worried and at the same time my main reason to be strong and to keep going. Bless them.

 

When you are in that state it seem impossible that things will ever get better but they do they really do, you'll see it will happen for you, try to take one day at the time and not to blame yourself even with our ASD children things get better it is just much much slower.

I wish I could give you some of my strengh right now and make you feel better and secure I really wish,

 

In the mean time have plenty of those <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Malika.

[Malika]

I meant H was potty trained the following year he was nearly 4

[LKS]

Hi Lil Me <'> I know so well how you are feeling. We try so hard to keep it all together. Sometimes I stand in the playground with a big frozen smile on my face pretending everythings o.k. and I just want to weep. There have been times when every single person in this house has had problems and I've felt like not getting up in the morning. But you do and then as others have said something good happens and you start to feel stronger. If you have a good G.P. then it might be worth going. Mine didn't have time to listen and put me on anti- depressants. Didn't like the feeling of being so removed from everything but they do work for a lot of people( they also made my mouth dry so I was always licking lips and felt a bit sweaty, made me look odder than usual )I think it is also a good idea to contact your child's consultant. Look after yourself lil me you're never alone here.

[madmooch]

<'> Lil me, Ive been on anti depressants for 21/2yr now and no nearer giving them up, like everyones said, It will get better, they go through cycles.

When H is tearing the house to bits i just try and switch off and ignore him, otherwise i would strangle him

Big Hugs <'> and Take Care <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

 

Mad <'>

[supersec]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

know that feeling very well.

 

Take care and look after you as well!

 

love and hugs

 

Supersec

[smiley]

Hiya Lil-me,

 

I hope your feeling better today <'> <'>

 

Do i ever feel like that?? Hell yes!! More often than not

 

I've always said i'm an outgoing recluse.... I'm a friendly, chatty person, the strong one that deals with everything, the 'tough cookie', but i have days when i can't bear to leave the house, or answer the phone. I burst into tears the other day because the kettle wouldn't boil quickly enough - I really needed a cuppa!

 

I used to beat myself up when one of these days hit - i'm better at letting them happen now. Our lives can be soooo stressful, it's no wonder we hit the wall sometimes <'> <'>

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Lill Me, <'> <'>

 

I call them roundabouts, or merry-go-rounds, I agree with all the above. But for me Anti-depressants react really badly, so I take Mega Vitamin B and evening primrose oil, plenty of long baths, early nights, loosen the load.

 

Talking it over with a counsellor helps, give up trying to be Superwoman during these times.

 

Just chill, and if you have to have a cry, don't see it as a sign of weakness, do it in the shower, at sit on the floor, feel the drops on your head, it works wonders, then plenty of herbal teas and sit and watch some comedy shows.

 

I read somewhere, it you are really feeling blue, sit and watch a half dozen comedy shows that will help lift the blues.

 

Just remember you are doing a great job and " that God must think you are special if he has entrusted you with one of Gods special angels".

 

Heres lots of hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> all the way from Australia

 

Love

Hailey <'> <'>

[Hectorshouse]

Lil Me I hope your ok today, you are in my thoughts, I wish I could make it better for you, but try and remember that you are not alone, we all know how you feel. I have been on and off the happy pills for years, it does come in waves but it does get better.

 

Hang in there, <'> >< <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

HHxx

[lil_me]

give up trying to be Superwoman during these times

 

Hally I think you summed it up. I'm always the strong one, or seem to be. I am 27 and even older friends of mine call me 'Mam' as I am who they depend on and turn to. I even get 'Dear Mam' birthday cards from them and introduced to new girlfriend etc as Mam. But last night Mam cracked, and needed someone to turn to. I ended up offloading onto a good friend who is a fab listener.

 

My partner shocked me this morning as he has stayed off University, which he never does, got the kids ready for school, and took them, told me to get a shower and have a lazy day. I'm in shock

 

Thank you all, I don't feel as alone now. Doctors appointment booked for next Wednesday and its time to answer 'are you ok' with a NO not a YES.

[lorryw]

Lil Me

I hope you are feeling a little better today. Its really weird to read everyones experiences, they are all so similar.

Just cling on to the thought that you will feel better. We are all so good at slapping a smile on and just getting on with things.

Take care of yourself

Love Loraine xxx

[DaisyProudfoot]

Many, many times.

 

Lots of big hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

My worse time was when we "inherited" a nephew at just 16 months old. The shock to my AS son's system was tremendous and I spent most of my time so stressed out I ended up having a mild stroke.

 

Thankfully it's all settled down now and I get my MRI scan in December!

 

I'm not on anti-depressants because I believe once you're on them you don't know when you're better. I just soldier on.

 

Thinking of you, you know where to come to talk

 

Daisy

[MumTee]

Cant think of what to add to all that fabulous advice, so just to say someone else recognises exactly that feeling, I think of it as circles too - dont be afraid to just close the door and keep things simple for yourself every now and again. It's an unfortunate fact that there usually is one person in every family who is like the 'buttons' and holds everything together - here's permission from all of us to do something special for yourself x x (Can you remember what it's like to be a human 'being' instead of a human 'doing'?!)

[asereht]

I've been there too a ( lot lately) I tend to put on my 'other face' when I go out .

 

People who don't know the situation with my son think I am so cheerful and haven't got a care in the world, I even find myself being the one people turn to for advice .

 

Close friends and family who know my situation think I cope really well and wish they were me , Little do they know!

 

Hope you're feeling better soon.

 

Theresa

[curra]

I've been there too, too many times and I know how you feel. There are times when it feels like I can't cope anymore because I haven't enough strength, being a lone parent, and anti depresants do not work for me because I get side-effects, so I just have to put a brave face from day to day, whatever happens. But there's one thing that always gives me a boost, and that's a good chat with good friends. Then I see things in a much better perspective again and I know that things will get a lot better! I wish the same for you too.

Lots of <'> : <'> <'>

 

Gloria

[hev]

hello lil me,agree totally with what the others have said,i have good and bad days,people outside think im the life and soul and i am also what smileymab calls an outgoing recluse,you are stronger than you think,you gave me good advice when i was worried about steves eating and things are getting better,keep posting as i have through all my tough times,some days i come on here so low and i read the batcave and its the first time ive smiled all day let me know how you get on at docs love hev

[oracle]

Bit late coming in on this one I know but I hope you are feeling better today. I know how you feel at the moment - really I do

 

<'> Carole

Edited November 15, 2005 by carole

[Sallya]

Lil me,

 

<'>

 

Your partner sounds lovely, and your friend as well. Hope things get better soon, you've had a lot too cope with lately, so try not to take on everything yourself. <'>

take care

s

xxx

[lil_me]

Thats the shock, he's not usually lovely, my friend is but he usually turns to me so I just said my turn lol

 

Hev - I am pleased you are making progress with Steve, its being able to pass on advice and experience which makes it all worth going through I think

 

We've had a bit of a set back tonight, Mikey's cught a tummy bug at school, fingers crossed he doesn't refuse to eat when he's better after being sick like last time