What does depression feel like?

[Viper]

Have any of you suffered depression? Could you describe what it feels like? I am going through something and I'm not sure if it's depression or not.

I feel like I have no one, I'm so lonely but I have a house full of people. No one ever seems to be happy, they are always arguing and I feel like I want to be somewhere else. The only time I feel ok is when everyone has gone to bed and I have time to myself. I stay up until 2 a.m so I can be alone for as long as possible. I don't sleep anyway.

I feel there is nothing left in life that I enjoy anymore, everything is just so awful, I live one day at a time and just get by. Life is just one big struggle and I'm losing the fight.

I don't want to get up in the morning and when I do I can't be bothered to dress nicely, just throw on anything and look lie a tramp all the time, I have lost my self respect. What's the point in getting dressed if you don't go any where?

I can't be bothered to eat and just cook because the kids are hungry but hate every minute of it, it's all so much bother. I just want to curl up and be left alone. The house is a mess and I don't care.

I envy my daughter cos she goes out and has fun, that used to be me. I can't even be bothered to listen to what my kids are saying about school and don't even hear them most of the time.

 

What's wrong with me?

[Zemanski]

<'> <'> <'>

 

talk to someone, a friend, your GP, about how you are feeling - it helps sometimes

 

and try to look after yourself

 

Zemanski

[nikrix]

Some of what you say, I feel like some times but only some. I don't know what I would do if I felt like that all the time.

It does sound to me that you are depressed and I would try to get some help if you can.

 

Just please try to remember you are not alone and I am sure that we all here will try to help you in any way we can.

 

I am sorry I do not know the right words to say to you and I wish I could give you a big hug right now.

 

If you need a good old chat PM me.

 

Thinking of you

Nikrix

[stressedmumto2]

Iknow how you are feeling and I can say that I have been there before,when poeple ask how do you cope it's a case of because you have to.

 

Try and talk to someone about it, maybe gp, councillor or a good friend and try to get a few hrs to yourself, get ur hair done or something.

 

Hoping that you feel better soon,

 

Sending a hug <'>

[Malika]

Hi Viper, <'>

 

Stangely enough I was having those kind of thought today feeling so low for so long and wondering if I should get help on the top of what you discribe I have tearful session nearly everyday with tears running down my cheeks. In fact I had for weeks a form to fill up for the mental health assistant but coulnd't be bothered as nothing seems to make a difference anyway.

 

Yes I think it is some kind of depression the fact is that I don't have much idea how to get out of it except asking for medication, which I would like to avoid. I remember there is a natural medecine to help with depression but right now cannot remember the name I will try to find out and let you know.

 

As far as I know depression comes when you feel traped in a situation you dislike and don't feel that there is a way out. somehow I feel there is as well some chemical imbalance in the body due to stress which accumulate and disable some part of my mind making me unable to cope or enjoye anything anymore adding some sleep problems to the picture. The fact that I have hypothyroidism cetainly doesn't help.

May be you should ask for your thyroid to be check?

 

I have been through so much in the last 15 years that I feel completly worned out however I know that summer bring some relief but not enough to go through the winter.

 

When I'll get the name of the plant which help I will let you know I must say that I do not trust much conventional medecine in the matter except if things are really going so bad and I do not have anymore choice.

 

Take care..... <'> <'> <'>

 

Malika.

[Lynden]

Definitely talk to your GP Viper as a lot of what you say does sound like depression, but also exhaustion can give symptoms similar to depression. I have clinical depression which means I'll be on anti-d's for the long term, but when its not under control I really dont like myself, I dont sleep, either dont eat or overeat, have no motivation, get teary over nothing, struggle to get through each day.

 

Its not a nice thing to experience but it is very manageable and sometimes just talking helps.

 

Big hugs to you.

 

Lynne x

[Malika]

Hi viper just found this:

 

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/special_reports...ion/stjwort.htm

 

http://nccam.nih.gov/health/stjohnswort/

 

Hope this help.

[kinky j]

dear viper, <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

i can really empathise with how you're feeling right now, i was diagnosed with deppression when i was 13 and have suffered on and off ever since. it's not like you ever truely want out of life, just for it to pause for a while cos it's all gotten so much that you just feel numb and uncaring and can only motivate yourself to do the things that are nessessary.

 

speak to your gp but be careful of antideppressants as sometimes they can sap any positive feelings you do still feel! i found counceling helped as you can say all the stuff you want to say to people, but know you'd cause too much pain or hassle if you did, and they won't judge you or tell you what to do!

 

also speak to your family ( partner, parents, etc) see if there is any way they can lighten your load and give you chance to re-learn who you are and what you enjoy doing. failing that, hire a good child minder!! everyone needs a break from time to time!!

 

and lastly, keep talking to us, we'll always be here for you!!

 

stay strong and remember how much you've overcome already.

 

kinky j

 

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[Malika]

and this which looks more complete. <'>

 

http://www.hypericum.com/toc.htm

[zaman]

Viper, you are not alone. I know that my saying that doesn't help much, but I think that there are quite a few of us on this forum that have felt this way to some degree.

 

Those symptoms - whether they are depression or not - are not good, for you or you child. I don't know what your situation is, but try and get some help even if it is talking over a coffee wth a friend. As others have said try and speak to your GP sooner rather than later. And I know exactly what you mean about staying up late - but lack of sleep only makes things worse as it is piling another element onto a wobbly pile. Exercise if you can - a walk, a swim, whatever you can manage, but it helps the head.

 

The natural remedies that I find can help are St John's Wort (very mild anti-depressant can be bought everywhere), and Bach's rescure remedy (supposed to help for the crisis days, but makes me completely out of it!)

[Viper]

Thanks everyone for your support. I would talk to a friend but I don't have any. The last time I spoke to an adult other than my husband and people on the phone was when I went to a fun evening and met Brook from the forum and I can't remember how long ago that was now.

The only friend I had stopped coming round after a row about Ben.

I always feel close to tears but hold them back so I don't upset my family.

I do feel trapped with no way out. I have to be here for the family, to educate Ben and be the only stable influence in the family. If I gave up I don't know what would happen to us. I can't talk to my husband as he doesn't cope with emotion very well and he would just say don't worry it will be ok. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing one day the kids will leave home and I will get my life back.

I used to live for my kids and love being their mum but now I just live cos I have to and do what a mum has to do, barely.

 

I don't like going to the doc cos my husband always says "what's wrong with you now" I am not allowed to be ill and if I am I just feel like I am a fraud. I needed glasses a few weeks ago and feel like I am putting it on, that I don't really need them when I know that's just not true and stupid but I can't help it.

I have been going through the menopause and had no period for quite a while but recently I have had one every 10 days. I know I should go to the doc but can't be bothered. I had a smear test 3 months ago and that was clear so I know it's just one of those things.

Sorry to go on like this but I really can't understand these feelings.

[Tylers-mum]

Viper, you have just descibed me and my life to a tee. Only difference is that i eat more when stressed/depressed. It affects people in different ways and yes, I am depressed but still haven't plucked up the courage to go to the doctors for yet another round of meds.

 

I too have no self esteem, no confidennce, I'm over weight b/c I eat to drown my sorrows, I stay up til all hours (ask Carole! LOL) b/c I don't want tomorrow to come any sooner than it has too. I don't enjoy T, I do what I have to do to get through the day but I find it hard to be around him or anyone. I'm literally housebound although I do visit my sister occasionally but then find that when I'm out, I put my 'happy mask' on to cover up my pain but once home, everythings back to normal with the shouting, the 'I want to be left alone' etc etc. I don't have many items of clothing so you'll see me in the same clothes week in week out. Can't be bothered going into town to get a new pair of shoes b/c that money can be spent on T b/c I don't deserve new shoes whereby he does, my jeans all have holes in them but I'm too scared to go shopping for new ones b/c I can't find many that fit me and when i do, they cost a bomb that I can't afford anyway. My home needs cleaning and tidying but to the untrained eye, it is tidy but that's b/c my nice furniture and decor cover that up well. Having a room renovated at the moment too so you can imagine the dust. LOL I clean as I go along really and it does get done, just not as fast as I'd like it to. Had a bath today for the first time in a week b/c I just could not be bothered. I try not to cry, I cover my feeling well and keep them inside which again isn't the best thing to do but then hey, we are all human. In the evenings I can relax b/c I know no one is gonna knock the door and catch me off guard, T isn't gonna be yelling and talking to my like sh*t, he isn't calling me to wipe his bottom, etc etc. I am FREE!!! You feel worthless and your only really on this earth to cater for T's every move, how dare I have a life!! That is what it feels like. I have NO_ONE to talk to about my feelings, about how i stuggle day in day out but I have to, I have to get up in the morning b/c if I didn't, who else is there to look after T? But then who's out there to look after me?? No one! I have NO friends at all and my family are useless.

 

I know I need meds and I have made a pact with myself that I will go get some but every morning, I 'can't be bothered today so I'll go tomorrow'. It never ends!!

 

((((HUGS)))) to you sweety and please know, you are not alone, you are not the first and you most certainly will not be the last!

<'> <'> <'>

Edited March 15, 2006 by Tylers-mum

[bid]

Oh Viper <'> <'>

 

If you find it hard to talk to your GP, could you print out what you have written here, and just ask them to read it??

 

I think they would get a very good picture of how desperate you are feeling at the moment

 

Please go and see your GP, and perhaps let your DH read this too?

 

I think very many of us here really do empathise with how you are feeling <'>

 

Take care <'>

 

Bidx

[kinky j]

dear viper and all other deppressed posters

 

have you let your partners read this thread? often it's hard to put what you're going through into words to someone you care about for fear of the impact it'll have on them but if everyone else in the world can be selfish some times, WHY CAN'T WE!! you need to stop bearing the burden all on your own, that's why it's called a partnership and people who care often don't see what your going through till it's shoved under their noses, but once they do realize they're more than willing to help (because they do care, even if it doesn't always feel like it)

 

i'm only able to give this advice at the minute as i'm too angry at the situation with social services to feel deppressed at the mo

 

you deserve to feel happy, have nice things, and be supported as much as anyone else does!

 

(and if they still don't listen give em a , won't change much but will make you feel better!LOL)

[jen]

Viper,

 

you need professional help. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make an appointment to see your GP tomorrow.

 

Then update us on your situation.

 

Sending lots of moral support

 

Jen

[UltraMum]

Viper

<'> <'> <'>

 

You sound very low and I wish I could send more than virtual hugs - try and see your GP - don't worry about what hubby says - you are allowed to be ill ...

 

T/M

<'> <'> <'>

 

I know what you mean about the 'happy mask' - lots of us have one. You sound as though you really need to make that appointment with your GP too.

 

 

 

I think care for ourselves can easily go out the window when we are down - I haven't washed my hair for a fortnight now - just seems too much effort. If I hang on i'm going to the hairdressers in two more weeks!

[kevilou]

<'> <'> <'>

I agree with Jen

You have made a really big step by admitting how you feel, please take it the next step and see your gp

 

Sometimes were so busy running round after everyone else

we forget how to love and value ourselves

 

Boost your self astem

Treat yourself because YOU ARE worth it

Even if that means just having a bath and pampering yourself

Or leave hubby home alone with the kids and take a long walk and clear your head

Alternatively, if you have the means try an Indian head massage (I really do recommend that one) or other treatment, hair do etc

What I am trying to say is take some time out just for you

You could try writting hubby a letter explaining how you feel, it might give you a starting point to work from together? Men

Remember we have kids, which means we always deal with it in end and come through the other side eh!

Good luck - keep posted

 

<'> <'> <'>

[Kathryn]

Viper,

 

What you've described looks very like depression to me and I can so identify with what you describe as I went through similar feelings for much of the last two years when I was looking after L at home.

 

I couldn't eat and lost two stone - I felt as though there was a lump in my throat all the time. I spent whole days in tears feeling life wasn't worth living and I did the barest minimum as far as daily tasks were concerned. I stopped being interested in going out and didn't even have the concentration or energy to read a book or watch TV for long. I couldn't talk to anyone:I felt that everyone else was getting on with life and I was viewing them from behind glass. I saw my life stretching out before me - a carer and not much else.

 

I think feeling trapped in a situation you can't see the end of and thinking that life will always go on and on being this dreadful, is a big part of depression.

 

It won't always be like this, things will get better, but you may need help to get out of this pit. You're doing no one any favours - least of all yourself - if you try to struggle on like this.

 

<'>

 

K x

[val]

I found taking a herbal supplement called "Agnus Castus" helped.

I suffer from terrible mood swings when i'm due on my period and if you are feeling depressed as well ,PMT just magnfies the whole situation.

Other things that worked for me when i was depressed was hynotherapy and i learnt to meditate.

I know that you prob. feel like your in a black hole - but it does pass.

I would agree with everyone on here - go to the docs - they may prescrible anti-d's for the short term but if you combine them with a "talking or relaxtion" therapy you'll probably be onto brighter days.

Just need to break the cycle!

Take care - let us know how you get on. X

[Tez]

Viper,

 

<'> I agree with what everyone else has said. Depression is awful. It's far more than just feeling sad. It affects every aspect of your health. Are you sure that you're going through the menopause? I had similar problems and thought I was, but it turned out to be depression affecting my hormone levels. I'm like you, I hate going to the Doctors but in the end I became so ill I had no choice. Forcing myself to go really did turn my life around.

[Paula]

<'> <'>

 

Go and get help.

 

Ive also been treated for depression most of my adult life.Like everyone says depression isnt just a feeling of oh im fed up its far far worse than that.It effects every aspect of youre life and how you interact with people.

 

 

If youve no one to talk to phone the samaritans.I used to do this a lot.They realy help.Or one of the mental helth services like sane or mind.Dont be scared.

 

Get help before its too late,when my as son was small i waited too long and ended up haveing a breakdown.

 

<'>

[lindy-lou]

viper sorry to hear you are suffering depression <'> i have suffered on and off since i was 19,when it comes on me i know its there but sometimes there isnt a reason,it just happens,i feel very low down,cant be bothered with anything,dont look after myself properley,constantly tired and sore,i wont go out of the house and just want to go to bed and not deal with anything,the new year was a very bad time for me and i did take to my bed,this month is also pretty awful as i have some anniversaries which i would rather not have to face,then one day i wake up and feel happy with the world again,how long it lasts is any ones guess,could be 2 months or 2 years,but more often than not it goes in cycles of around 3 months,i used to take medication and see a community psychiactric nurse but found it didnt help me much and i have learned to live with it and recognise when its happening,my husband doesnt understand it either because he's never sufferd the feelings of despair that go with depression,he takes it personally alot of the time,which adds to my depression really,i hope you can find a way to help yourself get through it,feel free to add me to msn if you ever want a chat with someone x

[ceecee]

Viper <'> <'> <'> <'> for you and all the others suffering.What you are describing sounds very much like depression to me.I've been there myself.Pleaase please see your g.p and get the help you need.

 

Pleas take care.Depression is so draining and at the time you can see no way out.

 

feel free to pm me if you wish.

[hev]

viper, wish i lived next door,i would pop round for a cuppa right now <'> <'> i know its been said but try to get to doctors,im making another appointment with mine,trying to pluck up courage at moment!! ive no words really,wish i could help,let me know how you are today,love hev

[CarerQuie]

Viper,please go and see your GP.Your self esteem is rock bottom and you sound pretty depressed.I have struggled in this area for most of my adult life and it feels like walking through treacle in lead boots.

 

We're here for you and you can post as much as you need to.(((Hugs))).xx

[curra]

Viper and all those who feel depressed,

 

Don't hesitate and see your GP! I was just like you, feeling terribly low and with no motivation to do anything, not sleeping well, feeling tired all the time, pessimistic , with no joy or anything interesting in my life, eating too many sweets as a way of finding comfort for the feeling of emptiness and no hopes. I'm a lone parent, widow, with no friends, son takes all his frustrations on me and I have to cope with everything alone. On top of it, my training started to go wrong because of too much stress and too many demands that I could not meet. I fell physically ill and when I saw the GP he said that I also have a depression. I'm taking anti deprs now and I find that they are helping me. The first week though was not easy because there were some side effects, like feeling even more tired and slow, but now I feel a lot better. Some people need counselling instead of medications, but whatever the treatment, it's important to talk about it with someone and seek help. It's not good to live day by day feeling like trapped with no way out. There's always a way out. You must take the step and you'll see that things do get better.

<'> <'> <'>

Curra

[asereht]

Viper ,I feel like you do a lot of the time but have good days too.

 

I should go to doc too but haven't time and don't really like drawing attention to myself.

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

I will try to make time soon,you should go too.

[lsw146]

I have been treating my depression since before xmas with some relief but I kne wmy motivation and concentration were getting worse. I kept putting off going back to my GP even though they suggested time off work. The idea maade me feel so guilty I felt worse. Then yesterday I crashed my car (only a minor, slow bump thank goodness) and realised I had to stop and take stock.

Please get help and keep talking!

[KarenT]

First of all Viper, well done to you for admitting how you feel and taking the first steps to seeking help. I won't say the rest will be plain sailing but the hardest part is acknowledging the problem and you've done that now. Good for you.

 

As others have said, there is a definite difference between clinical depression and just feeling a bit miserable. Everyone has down days but it's not the same - real depression takes over your life and makes the world seem a horrible place with no end in sight to the misery, whereas with the odd downer you're always aware that things will get better. There's also a difference between clinical depression (which is caused by a chemical imbalance) and circumstancial (which results from tackling stressful situations long-term), but it's true that the latter can lead to full on depression if you don't find a way out. That doesn't mean you resolve the stressful situations but find better ways of coping with them.

 

Counselling can help a great deal, as can Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - they're not miracle cures but the key to managing depression is to learn how to deal with the way you respond to situations. Anti-depressant medication is excellent when it works but it isn't for everyone, though it's definitely worth a go. If you're one of the lucky ones it can change your life for the better. Your GP will be able to advise on what is the best course of action for you personally.

 

In the meantime, do look after yourself. Allow yourself some 'me' time (yes - you CAN fit it in!) even if it's just a hot bath or ten minutes with a book before you go to sleep, and be kind to yourself. Above all don't blame yourself for this in the slightest - you're doing a great job in rotten circumstances and nobody can hold it together all the time (I'm sure we'd all testify to that!). Keep talking about how you're feeling too, there are always ears here who will listen.

 

Karen

x

[Suze]

............this thread is so sad and it,s brought back some really bad times.I,ve been on anti ds for a year, after falling deeper and deeper into a big black hole that I tried desperately to claw my way out of.Depression for me was anxiety and panic on the inside, I felt useless blamed myself for everything,cried, could,nt sleep,worried all the time ,became agrophobic , avoided seeing people, irrational, it goes on. A counsellor asked me to visualise my feelings.........this is what I told her, "I,m stood on a sand dune looking out to sea , the wind is fierce and whipping my hair, the waves are huge and crashing and rumbling, the sky is black, the clouds low and full of rain,I feel really cold and alone." It is so important to seek help I feel like my old self again, the side effects have been few if none at all, good luck to you all who are suffering <'>

[Viper]

Thanks again to you all and all those who have PM'ed me.

I seem to be able to hold things together when it is just me and Ben. I have to educate him so I get on with that. It's when the rest of the family come home. The house seems to descend into chaos and I can't stand it. I used to love the hustle and bustle of my family, I would stand back and find the funny side of things. Ben screaming, DD playing her saxophone, dog howling and hubby just sitting with the TV full volume not noticing it all going on. But now I dread it, the noise everyone wanting my attention, all got one problem or another. It is just so much hassle now.

I feel guilty all the time cos my youngest DD is showing signs of stress due to the lack of attention she has had over the years. I know I should be doing the motherly thing but just can't be bothered.

 

I don't want to go on antidepressants. My husband had those a few years ago, when he had six months off work after finding out so nasty things about his family.

I have always been so strong and been the one that copes, I feel I have let myself down by giving in to all this, like all the people we have to fight have won.

[lsw146]

Viper I know how you are feeling I have always been the one people turned to for help and advice and I feel useless now I am in such a state. I keep questioning why I can't just get on with it BUT if I step outside of my self and think of the advice I would give someone else it would be to say that it is an illness just as real as pneumonia or a broken leg. If you had diabetes youo wouldn't thnik 'hey I can cope without my insulin" you would know that it was there to correct and inbalance. Depression is an inbalance and you have to find out the right way to get your body and mind balanced again. This may be meds or counselling or something else but you ahve made the first step by admitting the problem now you need to take the next and ask for professional help. do this in your own time and find out what works best for you.

 

Jo

[Suze]

Viper I visited my gp many times before I felt able to take anti, ds.I had put it off for a good year.But things just got worse and the sad fact was I was,nt going to get better without some help.I just was,nt strong enough anymore to do it alone.This was the key for me , I always believed I could handle things and cope.Then a really bad situation developed and the way I handled it shocked me.I thought about what had happened and realised if I had seen a video replay of myself behaving the way I was I would,nt have recognised myself.I wanted the old "me" back and more,s to the point so did my family, it took me 2 weeks before I had the courage to take the first pill and I,m glad I did. There seems to be an element of shame attached to depression,I felt ashamed that I needed a pill to make me happy, and I also felt bad for filling my body with these mind altering drugs,but when I weighed up what I had to gain by getting help and potentially what I could lose I knew I had to do it.My big fear over all was that my children and marriage would suffer if I did,nt.I,ve never admitted any of this to anyone and only 3 people know I,m on anti ,ds(apart from you lot), <'> <'> , sending you lots of love Viper.

[loulou]

Hi Viper,

 

Please go and see your GP. I was really against anti-d's at first, but i think without them i would have ended up being locked up and Kai would be in care. Don't rule them out totally, it's like Jo says, you would have insulin if you were diabetic.

 

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Loulou x

[Jill]

Viper

 

You cannot do everything all of the time

 

You cannot be the only glue that holds your family together

 

You are not to blame for everything that goes wrong.

 

Asking for help is not failure.

 

You must go and see your doctor now and get proper help.

 

YOU ARE NOT SUPERWOMAN!!!!!

 

 

I agree with what some of the others have said too, let your other half read this thread, maybe he just doesn't appreciate how you are feeling right now.

 

Take care of yourself, don't let this situation get worse, seek help NOW.

 

PM me if you need to chat. I'm no way an expert but am glad to listen, offer advice or just be there if that's what you need.

[DaisyProudfoot]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

PM'd you

[sue45]

Viper, your pain is so palpable I could cry. What you're saying reminds me of me last year. I struggled against seeking help thinking I would snap out of it - I ended up in a loo miles from home cracking up down the telephone practically screaming like a lunatic. A break down, nearly. Sometimes being the strong one also makes you weak because you feel you have to keep going and as that's what you've always done, you can't see why it shouldn't carry on. It's actually a strength though, to recognise when you need help, if you see what I mean - and that's exactly what you're doing by speaking to us, you're seeking help. Well done! That menas you've taken the first step.

 

What jo said about not thinking twice about taking medication for something physical is exactly what my GP told me when I was reluctant to turn to drugs for help. She said if you were diabetic, you'd take insulin, if you had a migraine you'd take pain killers etc, What's the difference? And it's true.

 

It sounds as though your husband had a bad experience on anti ds, that doesn't mean yours would be the same. I ws prescribed Serotonin and almost immediately felt more like my old self. The first week i was a bit more tired than usual, but i think that was as much as anything the relief after being so keyed up and feeling trapped inside myself for so long, of finally feeling I was getting back on track. After the first week I had no side effects at all, except I started to feel like my old self again.

 

It really saddened me the way you describe how different you feel now to how you once did with your family - I was the same. I just wanted to run away forever and couldn't imagine feeling good about myself or my daughter ever again. It was such a relief when I started to see the good things about H and myself again.

 

Please see your GP!!! Please, please, please!

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Take care, you're a strong and capable person who just needs a bit of care and attention herself at the moment and you do deserve it.

 

Sue

 

xx