Had to call the police today

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Today has been the worst day of my life. I'm still shaking from it all now.

 

I have Kai off school with a chest infection. This morning one of my cats caught a baby bird and Kai was running around the garden in the rain screaming about it. I put the baby in the lounge and went outside to sort it out. We came in after a few minutes and the baby had managed to get hold of one of Kai's precious model planes and had snapped a wheel off it. Kai is totally obsessed with planes at the moment.

 

He went completely crazy and kicked the baby in the chest (he is only 16 months old). I shouted to Kai to stop, but before i could do anything he did it again really hard. I went to grab the baby and Kai kicked him full force in the face . The baby was screaming and bleeding from his mouth. Kai was still trying to hit the baby so I ran upstairs with him and into his room. It was so awful. Kai was trying to kick the door in to get to him and was screaming like a wild animal. I was so frightened and worried about the baby that i called 999.

 

I have never had to do this before.

 

The police and ambulance came really quickly and they were really good. Not judgemental at all.

 

I've spent half the day at the hospital. Thankfully the baby only has bruising and a fat lip. Poor little thing, i feel terrible.

 

Social Services wanted to take them both into emergency foster care, but the police were happy for the baby to go to my mum's and Kai to stay with me.

 

I can't believe this has happened. I feel so bad for my baby, but i also feel bad for Kai as he can't control his temper and it's getting worse. He's written a letter to the baby tonight and it's really sad. He must be feeling terrible too.

 

I don't know what's going to happen now. SS are coming over in the morning.

 

Good night,

 

Loulou xxxxx

[Kathryn]

Loulou

 

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

K x

[Bagpuss]

Oh Lou lou, I don't know what to say

 

<'> <'> <'>

[bid]

Oh hun, I'm so sorry <'>

 

I wish I knew what to say

 

Have you got any help from your baby's dad?

 

Bidx <'>

[pearl]

<'> there are no words, just so sorry you are going through this <'>

[Enid]

LouLou my Heart goes out to you, it really does, I too had to call the police 3 times between xmas and new year as my son, aged just 12 was so violent to me and my other 3 children, I was so scared they would take him or them away, in fact they were no help at all, but you have a very different situation, just thank god for your Mum, without her tonight would have been very different, it is also a watershed, and hopefully now you will be given the help for your son that he soo desperately needs, words are cheap, but I am sure that a lot of people on this forum will be thinking, there but for the grace of god goes me. PM me if you need to talk, sending you all the <'> and will be thinking about you tonight, it puts all our problems into perspective. Keep strong. <'> Enid

[KarenT]

Sorry to read this Lou . Hope things work out OK. Hugs to you all.

 

Karen

x

[Karen A]

<'> <'> Very sorry Lou that is a very upsetting situation to be in.Karen.

[justamum]

How awful!

 

I am lucky that on the whole my son is non violent. He has scratched his twin sister a couple of times but she was as much to blame as him.

[lorryw]

Oh Lou, I am so sorry. You did the only thing you could have and both children are safe.

I dont have any useful advice but my thoughts are with you.

love Loraine

[gothschild]

Thats really sad Lou, I hope you get the help you need! <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

gothschild x

[baddad]

so sorry <'> <'>

[smiley]

Lou

 

So sorry <'> ><

[loobylou2]

<'> So sorry, hope you get some help and fast <'>

[Flora]

Loulou <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I hope you and the boys are ok. Please let us know how you are.

 

Thinking about you and very worried about you here.

 

Flora <'> <'> <'>

[Zosmum]

Loulou

Sending you hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Hope everything turns out ok

[oxgirl]

So sorry to hear about this, Loulou. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[loulou]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks for the support <'> .

 

I feel terrible today. Mostly due to what my baby has been through, but i feel so sad for Kai as he feels so guilty. I sent him back to school today, even though he's not really well enough. I just needed the space to think.

 

SS have been round and weren't much use (when are they ever?). I have to keep the children seperate, so that means shipping the baby out to his Dad or my parents. I really want him with me, but Kai won't go anywhere so i don't have any choice

 

Maybe it has taken this to happen for people to finally listen to me and give us some help. I've been screaming out to them for years .

 

Take care,

 

Loulou xxxxxxxxx

[Bagpuss]

Loulou <'>

[CarolineJ]

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry this happened. Maybe you're right though? Maybe now people will listen and Kai will get the help he deserves. What did SS say? Did they offer any support? Any respite?

[cmuir]

Hi

 

How awful for you all. You did the right thing for all concerned. Hopefully you'll get the help you need and Kai will too.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[JsMum]

Hi Lou,

 

I am soo sorry to hear about Kia and the baby,

 

you must be going throw soo much termoil and its like your broken in two, who side do you take in a situation like this, there both your sons,

 

Kia so young and your youngest still a baby,

 

I know I would of had to deal with similair situations with J if he had of had siblings, the risk would of been massive,

 

Its good that the baby has gone to your mums and not SS, but wonder what kind of a message this gives to Kia and if he may do this again to get the baby out the house,

 

At the moment Kia is in retrubution stage, doesnt matter what age the other child is, he broke his plane, thats that, for him he was so angry, if the baby had of been 10 he would of still hit out, but like you say he urgently needs a full assessment and treatment to provent a similair situation happening.

 

How long has the respite been arranged for?

It may be that you need extra support at home as well,

 

At school he has the staff, at home its just you,

 

I would request a core assessment, and look into direct payments to have a care worker available so that if he does hit his brother again you are free to get the baby out and the worker calm Kia down.

 

What is clear that it only takes an acciedent and Kia is a risk to others and himself and that needs urgent support,

 

Kia may still lash out again even without his brother been there, especially if he is finding the emtional effect too overwelming with this incedent and will you manage on your own with him?

 

I know that its only just recently I find it near impossible to hold J now and I have to let him just lash out wait for the storm and then do what most do after a earthquake, clean up and start again.

 

Its hard right now, but you did the right things all the way throw the incedent, and you got your baby medical attention, and your baby is safe, that is the most important so its working towards getting support to ensure that can happen when your all together.

 

Jay draws pictures and tries to write I am sorry letters, too, I have kept them as they are so innocent and full of cute miss spelt words, bringing it home to me how young he really is emotionally, and thats what you need to remember is that Kia may be 9 on the outside, but on the inside he is possibly not that much older emotionally than his younger brother.

 

The road ahead is going to be an emotional one, try as much as possible to look after yourself but from your post its a really difficult time for you right now, your poor baby, and then understanding Kias actions and Special needs.

 

Sending Love to your baby and Kia too, and I send you TLC.

 

JsMum

[aro]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks for the support <'> .

 

I feel terrible today. Mostly due to what my baby has been through, but i feel so sad for Kai as he feels so guilty. I sent him back to school today, even though he's not really well enough. I just needed the space to think.

 

SS have been round and weren't much use (when are they ever?). I have to keep the children seperate, so that means shipping the baby out to his Dad or my parents. I really want him with me, but Kai won't go anywhere so i don't have any choice

 

Maybe it has taken this to happen for people to finally listen to me and give us some help. I've been screaming out to them for years .

 

Take care,

 

Loulou xxxxxxxxx

 

Huge, huge, huge hugs to you, you must be torn apart by this!

 

Did they get him an emergency appointment with any one to discuss meds, counselling etc? It's not reasonable to let you go through this without decent support and certainly shouldn't prolong your suffering.

 

Hope you can get your family back together soon <'> <'> <'>

 

A x

[lynyona]

<'> <'> <'> loulou <'> <'> <'>

[bikemad]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

[forbsay]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[kellyanne]

loulou <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[soraya]

Oh you poor thing, it is so frightening when you have to call the police, l have been there many a time. Unfortunately it is the only way ss take any notice Sending lotas of love, stay strong for your boys X <'> <'>

[ryansmum2]

hi there

 

well thankfully JsMum has finally given you the advice you needed !!

 

You, and Kai need HELP ASAP !

 

You need to SCREAM at the doctors/ Peads/ Social Workers and you need to continue to SCREAM and FIGHT for you and your son,to get the help you all need !!

 

The Social Workers can give you RESPITE in the form of Direct Payments - ring them, KEEP ringing them untill you get it !!

You will be able to use the cash to pay someone (not familly tho) to look after your little baby, so you can have special time for you and Kai.

 

From the sounds of it, Kai seems to have a clear problem with the baby - Kais behaviour began to get worse when the baby was born, and has only continued to get worse...

 

It's only you ,who can get the help you need - GOOD LUCK

 

I am so sorry this has happened - but if no help is given - its going to be worse next time

 

I wish you all the very best,

HUGS mel xx

[Enid]

Even though my son was/is very violent to us and I have phoned police on many occassions, I still cant get a social worker, we had an assessment by them and they said it was a mental health problem and discahrged us, we were then referred to the disability team by CAHMS and by the GP, today I got a letter that says, J does not meet the disability threshold criteria, if he dosent what child does!!!! At a meeting at his EBD school yesterday the head said he was one of the most challanging children he had ever come accross and as I type this I am covered in bruises, what more does he have to do! I have NO help from anybody or any professional, havnt seen anyone from CAHMS for almost 2 months or even heard from them!!! Enid

[JsMum]

Even though my son was/is very violent to us and I have phoned police on many occassions, I still cant get a social worker, we had an assessment by them and they said it was a mental health problem and discahrged us, we were then referred to the disability team by CAHMS and by the GP, today I got a letter that says, J does not meet the disability threshold criteria, if he dosent what child does!!!! At a meeting at his EBD school yesterday the head said he was one of the most challanging children he had ever come accross and as I type this I am covered in bruises, what more does he have to do! I have NO help from anybody or any professional, havnt seen anyone from CAHMS for almost 2 months or even heard from them!!! Enid

 

 

Enid, it is disgusting how let down you are from the service and how far our children go and how dangerous situations are and still nothing is done, but you should be getting support, was the assessment a core assessment, J doesnt meet Disability Team but we do get family support team, he has a sessional worker and until very recently was recieving home care support every evening, if you dont get support your familys can break, go into crisis, I urge you to write all this down and send to your local MP and express that this is urgently required.

 

could you get the Head teacher to put something in writing, as well as the Gp, this is what I did and did get some tempary support, until we could stand alone again, what needs to be clear though is just because you have been turned down because of criterias it shouldnt be enough to stop asking for help, keep a diary and keep the education in the picture of how it is at home, in the past Cahms have been ignorant but now are supporting us, especially with the residentail school, they have put forward a supportive letter and I have got one from my GP too.

 

NEVER STOP ASKING FOR HELP,

 

JsMum

[Clare63]

Loulou,

 

I am so sorry to hear this ~ <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[pookie170]

<'> What a dreadful situation, LouLou- and Enid and anyone else going through. I can't belive all the SS can say is, separate the kids......there HAS to be another solution! Aw hon, I'm so sorry, I hope things take a turn for the better.

 

Esther x

[Cariad]

OMG!! I'd be in bits too!!

 

You need help and you need it now, do you get any respite or key workers who can take him out a few hours a week? They should be helping you with ways to control Kia's outburts.

 

Myself and the DH get lots of help with T as we keep on and on with letters, phone calls and countless emails, we got our MP involved, the local paper etc. In other words be a thorn in their side until you get the help you reallyneed.

 

It's disgusting that we don't get the support and awful things like this happen. I really feel for you as T is violent and we have scars to show from his previous attacks.

 

If you need any help with getting the right help you can PM me anytime.

 

Take care <'>

[LittleRae]

loulou <'> >< <'>

 

Hope things work out

[Frangipani]

<'> <'>

 

Sorry late to this

 

xx

[jo4themo]

Hi Loulou

I am so sorry this has happened. Sending <'> <'> <'> to you, Kai and baby.

SS are pretty useless when it comes to ASD aren't they? We had a SW for a while (on Ns old school's recomendation due to her behaviour at school). She was lovelya nd helped me claim DLA and Family Fund but said that she was from the Disabled Children's section of SS and they don't class ASD as a "bad enough" disability for them to keep N on their books!!

Emma

[elun1]

<'> <'> <'> poor you Loulou, I just read this

Elun xxxx

[westie]

I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this. It must be so hard to have to keep them apart. I do hope you get some help from SS like direct payments or something and I hope you have had chance to spend some time with your youngest and that Kai has settled. I would have thought something like this would warrant a referral to a professional to see if something could be done to help him. Take care X <'>