Tylers-mum Report post Posted March 5, 2006 Don't beat me up for asking this but just wondering if anyone else feels the same way I do?? I love my son with all my heart and will do anything for him but I find it hard to enjoy him. All he's interested in is his playstation games and that's all he talks about or maybe reciting things from the TV. There's only so much you can take and the tone of voice he uses when he speaks to me is like 's**t on the bottom of his shoe'. It is emotionally draining and I'm finding I'm resenting him and pushing him away. Not the best thing to do I know but I have feelings too which of course, he doesn't understand!. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tmf Report post Posted March 5, 2006 Don't beat me up for asking this but just wondering if anyone else feels the same way I do?? I love my son with all my heart and will do anything for him but I find it hard to enjoy him. All he's interested in is his playstation games and that's all he talks about or maybe reciting things from the TV. There's only so much you can take and the tone of voice he uses when he speaks to me is like 's**t on the bottom of his shoe'. It is emotionally draining I know how you feel! Sometimes i just feel like . I don't resent him, he winds me up no end but the joys he brings to my life (albeit very rare) overrides the bad. Take today for example, their dad took them to the park, i just wanted to stayt at home and enjoy some 'me' time.....after 10 minutes the quietness was driving me mad! Someone said to me a little while ago i was blessed with this special child for a reason and that reason was thati was strong and could cope.....hummmm i sometimes wonder! But i love my little horror more than life itself, however challenging it may be. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted March 5, 2006 tm,the enjoying moments i have with steve are sadly few and far between,its sad if we have a nice moment im shocked,i do try,i really do but whatever i do isent good enough,i love him loads but no i do not enjoy steven Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted March 5, 2006 tm,the enjoying moments i have with steve are sadly few and far between,its sad if we have a nice moment im shocked,i do try,i really do but whatever i do isent good enough,i love him loads but no i do not enjoy steven Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tilly Report post Posted March 5, 2006 I really enjoy my ASD dd, especially when it is me and her only and she is totally relaxed and happy. I find her quirqs totally frustrating and my lifestyle has had to change to accommodate her , but I do love her personality. Well today I do, tomorrow morning it may be a different answer altogether. lol Tilly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justamom Report post Posted March 5, 2006 It depends on when you ask me this question at the moment things are going really well, if you had of asked that question on a bad day then i would have said not today but school are happy with him and generally things are SPOT ON but how long does that last??? So in answer to you question yes i do enjoy him!!! I'm touching wood!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lynden Report post Posted March 5, 2006 I do really enjoy Logan but he can be hard work. I'm also very aware though that a lot of our challenges with him haven't even begun yet so know that might change in a few years/months. Lynne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy-lou Report post Posted March 5, 2006 I really enjoy my ASD dd, especially when it is me and her only and she is totally relaxed and happy. I find her quirqs totally frustrating and my lifestyle has had to change to accommodate her , but I do love her personality. Well today I do, tomorrow morning it may be a different answer altogether. lol Tilly thats exactly how i feel,India has a wonderful personality and i think she encaptures the heart of anyone who meets her,she is a very special girl indeed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynyona Report post Posted March 5, 2006 tm I feel exactly the same with kieran i love him dearly but he does grind me down,with his constant xboxing and gaming,if i put ithonestly he as taken over our whole households,everything as to be arranged aroud kieran.The only time i am away from kieran is when i am at work,when mos days he can be just in your face and kieran is 19 now. lynn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pepper Report post Posted March 5, 2006 i enjoy my As son mostly, when we chat he's quite fascinating and we have always shared the same dry humour ( or should that be he's copied my humour?! lol) he talks endlessly which can be draining, but I think thats more that he cant guage the times I'm genuinely busy and will talk regardless of what im doing - then im snappy.. I do get what you mean about the feedback- i find that as long as son has no distractions we get a good convo. So I suppose i should learn to approach him when hes not engrossed! I used to get really angry about the tone of his voice when he spoke to me - but that was b4 dx, used to feel like i was talking to a 6 yr old 'teenage kevin' but now ive ponted out his voice inflections when speaking and done some surupticious training on voice emotion tones ( u know what i mean ) he sounds far more animated and less flat when chatting Im a bit worried about when real hormones kick in tho, cos he can come over a bit monosyblic ( yeah i have drummed into him that i cant take a 20 min monologe about his internet game - much as he glazes over at some of my topics of chat! but thats fair eno ) Luckily - ive checked my freinds teenage lads - they all seem a fixated bunch when it comes to their hobbies so at moment my sons not standing out as perculiar in any way!! Aw bless tho tylers mum, i so know where ur coming from though, my 2 NT daughters take some patience too - so i think it can be down to a childs natural quirks and your patience too ( my eldest daughter i dont understand that well - sometimes she seems like an alien to me!) * cough* fathers daughter *wink* xx pep Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kirstie Report post Posted March 5, 2006 I don't feel good about saying this but when Lewis was a bit younger and pre-dx i didn't like him atall. Of coarse i loved him but i didn't understand him and his ways and i struggled with the constant screaming and crying. It would get the most patient of people down. When he was dx things did seem to change, at least my understanding of him and why he did the things he did changed, and i started to bond with him. At the moment he is being very loud and challenging-a kick up the butt for me.Think i was taking it too much for granted that he is doing ok.Some days i want to be anywhere else but here and others.....well you just plod on don't you. so i do know where you're coming from. One day i will do a shirley Valentine......that's what i keep telling my lot anyway! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pepper Report post Posted March 5, 2006 PMSL @ One day i will do a shirley Valentine......that's what i keep telling my lot anyway! I actually threaten my family with 'me running away' - they just laugh........ so i do a few weekend concerts per year with online mates and let hair down ( ok - i cling to sanity planning next date heheheh) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted March 5, 2006 Just need to moan me thinks! You have those days where you do nothing but make your child worse thro your own ratty behaviour!? Feel so bad , just he s wound me up all day, get so fed up at times , thinkwhy us? So many people horrid to their children and mine s so sweet and kind, why the heck does he have to contend with extra problems. Just sometimes it feels like hes at us 24/7, I know hes not, amd just so tired and resent other people when they seem to have it soeasy with their children I sometimes feel like we re in the house of supernanny with all bloomin charts and the routines,etc And trying to explain to other people is a no go-they just look at u like your nuts or u can see them thinking, hes just naughty/spoilt,etc! But they dont see it when he s freaking out at home with temper and frustration, then 2 mins later so sorry Rant over Sorry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
on the edge Report post Posted March 5, 2006 Yes so much !!!!!!!! - We get so delighted at all new words and skills learnt - sometimes I think that anyone listening to me at his nursery playground when we are waiting to go in think.."so what - he said goodbye to his teacher and used the toilet today- he is three why are they all making such a fuss" (the other mums don't know he is AS) I can so relate to the hard times though - We have a lot of struggles and battles of wills. One thing I find upsetting is when he shows little response to something or is so distant and I so want him to show excitement or interest about something. You feel like you may as well be flogging a dead horse!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted March 5, 2006 there are times when i cant bear my son in same room as me-which is terrible to say -its usually when ive had to deal with rounds of arguments and insults and do this do that and 50 questions and extreme meltdowns i long for some peacefull moments but there are very few when my 4 year old is about even my poor 3 year old is a bag of nerves im getting really bad headaches with all the shouting ect.... ive never really been able to do much with him that ive felt throughly enjoyed about because he will always do something to ruin it but i love him to bits and never stop trying and hoping for him Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pepper Report post Posted March 5, 2006 actually - if im being honest - my crew drive me completely nuts!! im a firm believer in pointing out that im irrationally peeved and could they all run for cover...........being selfish is a defence! and my kids seem to accept my occasional vents ( least i still have faculties and sanity) - just! - i'm sorta all they have and i accept im not perfect ( i accept im irrational/ stressy/ knackered/ ducking from all the daily hassles ) i sorta think nowadays that it isnt worth beating urself up about 'things we do and things we say' after all - if family is ticking along - its the best any parent can do! xx pep Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
forbsay Report post Posted March 5, 2006 Hi Yes, I do enjoy my ASD son and I am really really proud of the hurdles which he has overcome. However, there are days when i am at the end of my tether ie when he is constantly going over and over the same thing all the time..................... Forbsay Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted March 5, 2006 <'> Don't beat me up for asking this but just wondering if anyone else feels the same way I do?? I love my son with all my heart and will do anything for him but I find it hard to enjoy him. All he's interested in is his playstation games and that's all he talks about or maybe reciting things from the TV. There's only so much you can take and the tone of voice he uses when he speaks to me is like 's**t on the bottom of his shoe'. It is emotionally draining and I'm finding I'm resenting him and pushing him away. Not the best thing to do I know but I have feelings too which of course, he doesn't understand!. Hi Tylers Mum <'> I learned a little secret at a Conference I attended for ASD Autism children. It has always stuck with me, and I attended this conference when B was 6 years old, its that one little bit of information that I took away with me that I foundthe most valuable, and helpful. This professor said QUOTE: Imagine your ASD/Autistic child as a piece of tarnished silver.........these children need polishing from time to time as they tarnish quite frequently.........but my God, when you polish these children like a piece of silver, they shine as bright as bright can be, and the positives you get from this little bit of polishing, is returned to you multiplied. <'> <'> Next time you are feeling "really flat" think about this quote, then ask yourself, what little thing can I do to polish this child's ego is there something I can do here, that shows him I love him unconditionally, warts and all........then you sit back and watch, ......make take a little while, but what your child does in return is the payoff.... Some of the payoffs I remember, were, my son writing me a beautiful note telling me how much he loved me.......tidying up his room as neat as a pin without even having to ask......or a random hug, saying he loved me......these do make it all worth it, So I try to give a no reaction, reaction to some of the bad, and praise the good, these children, the Professor said get so, so many negatives through their day because of their behaviour, that they act out because of this. But all it takes is one positive thing, even like saying, you have lovely blues eyes, or I love the colour of your hair....this little positive input, transforms them, turns them into Gello......makes them feel good about themselves for once. A mentor of mine once said put a note on the fridge, saying, "Catch the kids doing something good, and Praise them"..... it works like a treat. Also, get into the habit of playing soft music like Mozart, as it helps calm their brains.....so if your child is going bollistic, this music will have an instant effect in calming them. These are some of my survival tips, that do keep me sane. Tylers mum, I know where you are coming from, and I don't know how I would have survived without a few of these helpful tips, from the experts. Love Hailey <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jen Report post Posted March 5, 2006 My As son brings such happiness to my life. He always makes me laugh just by the things he says. However, when he is stressed and anxious you get to your wits ends. He makes me so made but I have to keep calm on the outside (but I do not always manage to keep calm). Jen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted March 6, 2006 Like so many of you, it depends. If things are calm and relaxed J's a joy but if not... We've just had a fantastic weekend together. J's doing really well at the moment, settled and calm and things are going right for him without too much effort from me. He's enjoying school and has made a friend, which is obviously helping. Dh was at work all weekend so it was just me and J, we've done his homework with relative ease, he's helped with housework and cooking, even looked after me when I wasn't feeling well and fetched me a drink and some of his chocolate. Very few 'altercations' and an absolute delight to be with. But a few months ago it was awful and I can honestly say I didn't like much about him. He was the worst he's ever been and every aspect of every day was a challenge and I spent much of the time in tears of frustration, not knowing whether I was doing the right thing by him or not. That feeling of helplessness is one of the hardest things to cope with for me. But I get through those times by knowing that every now and again we get spells like this when he makes me glow with pride and I really wouldn't want him to be any other way. He's the light of my life but he drives me crackers, and that about sums him up. Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littlenemo Report post Posted March 6, 2006 Oh yes, I enjoy Com and (most of) his quirks. His school, on the other hand... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted March 6, 2006 I wouldn't want my kids to be anything other than what they are. Yes some of the problems have brought with them lots of but we have done more than many families I know. We now seem to thrive off chaos. Eg, last Christmas Eve our house was like an emotional rollercoaster; noisy with equal amounts of laughter, tears, happy voices and lots of meltdown shouting. I popped over to our friends with some presents, the children aren't always there because they live with their mother but they were there for Christmas. The house was really quiet with the two NT boys upstairs quietly doing their thing. I wouldn't swop the chaos and carnage of my life for that unatural quietness, ever in a million years. Lauren Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
madmooch Report post Posted March 6, 2006 Well H is going through a bad patch at the mo...............................meltdowns and destruction every day, but when he comes up to me and says "Daddy gone to toilet" it melts my heart Clare Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted March 6, 2006 I love my As son more than the whole world and anything in it.That doesnt mean that he doesnt drive me stark raveing mad and ive got the physciatric appointments to prrove it. But i do enjoy his company,he makes me see things id normally not notice,he makes me laugh with hi odd ways i wouldnt change him for the world but i wish i could change the world hes going to be entering when he leaves the saftey of his fantastic special school. Thats what i wish i couod change other people. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted March 6, 2006 He's hard work there's no denying that - but since we got the dx and are learning more about his condition he's becoming easier to live with because we understand him more. He does have a tendancy to repeat himself somewhat and his meltdowns are hard work but he comes out with some right corkers and has such a strange sense of humour you can't help but enjoy him Not looking forward to the teenage years mind - I already have two teen boys and they're pretty hard going too! What I hate most is not being able to cuddle him - when the other kids are upset my natural instinct is to cuddle - when he gets upset I have to hold back from that - because he hates being held. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted March 6, 2006 I enjoy him just the same as my 2 nt kids.They are all my world.With a dx came more understanding , but more worry, especially about school , friends, socialising.It is these aspects I don,t enjoy not my son and his ASD.He drives me bonkers, irritates me, makes me laugh, cry, makes me very very proud,none of my kids are perfect ...........they,ve got me for a mum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Canopus Report post Posted March 11, 2006 There are some parents who don't want to have a kid with AS or ASD. This isn't usually because of any hassle or stress resulting from AS or ASD, but because they just want a conventional NT kid. Some professionals in years gone by have held the attitude that most kids with AS and ASD should be put into institutions in order to relieve their parents of looking after them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted March 11, 2006 Yesterday was a day when I certainly enjoyed both of my ASD sons as well as my NT son and my step-daughter which is worth a large It was Matthew's 9th Birthday and birthdays are not always a success in our house. However we had a brilliant day - omitting the fact that Matthew probably now has two broken toes - and both Matthew and David reminded me just how special they are and how much I do enjoy them both We had my Mum and Matthew's sister for lunch with all of Matthew's favourite foods. He actually ate David was full of chat and also helped with the dishes We then went to the local Fun Shack with Matthew and his friend and that went well too. I returned form the Fun Shack to find that David and his mate had made Tea for all of us a Spagetti Bol and it was delicious - even if the spagetti was welded onto the pan Matthew then spent the rest of the evening playing with his laser gun set with his sister, which is where the probable two broken toes came from. He crashed into a door frame and then carried on playing Two of his toes are now black but not swollen and he is still running around. There was not even a blip all day and we had loads of fun and laughs. I love it when a plan actually works out well Carole Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Report post Posted March 11, 2006 Hi to all. <'> Yes oh yes I do enjoy H he is so much fun and so loving and even during the last 3 months when he was so difficult I never let him fall asleep without a little talk and a cuddle to help building the bridge,now things are a bit better and I am so glad I manage to keep the relationship going even at the worst time. When he is at school I really miss him, and cannot wait until I got my cuddle and his chatting (continuous) on our way home . May be because of all this, meltdowns are a bit easier to accept even if so draining , but I know H cannot help it and this breaks my heart because H is such an amazing loving little boy. <'> Malika. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bullet Report post Posted March 12, 2006 (edited) Yes, because he can be so funny. If you ask him a question when he does reply it's with something so bizarre it's untrue. Eg today I took him swimming and asked him if he liked it. He replied: "PC Plum! PC Plum! Balamory!" Edited March 12, 2006 by Bullet Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lorryw Report post Posted March 12, 2006 (edited) I attended an AS support group meeting for the first time a few days ago. It was a public meeting about education and my main reason for going was to nobble our local MP after the meeting and present her with a petition about lack of services post school. I sat quietly while the group tore into the education system etc etc. I can fully understand the frustration people feel about the dreadfully inadequate system in place for educating AS children. It was all very heated and made me deeply uncomfortable. I was shocked as to how many parents stood up in a packed room and declared that they disliked or even hated their children. How sad for those poor children, who according to parents were all at the more able end of the spectrum and may well learn of their parents utterings. I came away with the impression that if these parents cannot understand or respect their children how on earth do they expect schools to. I may not be the worlds greatest parent and he may drive me crazy but I have always loved my son to bits. Didnt manage to corner MP but spoke to Head of local council who asked me to contact him outlining my concerns. Lorainexx Edited March 12, 2006 by lorryw Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted March 12, 2006 I was shocked as to how many parents stood up in a packed room and declared that they disliked or even hated their children. How sad for those poor children, who according to parents were all at the more able end of the spectrum and may well learn of their parents utterings. I came away with the impression that if these parents cannot understand or respect their children how on earth do they expect schools to. I may not be the worlds greatest parent and he may drive me crazy but I have always loved my son to bits. Rosiexx I love my daughter so much it hurts - but I would be lying if I didn't occasionally say 'I dislike' the way she behaves some times - of course I wouldn't stand up on my soapbox and shout this. But very often after a showdown and she's calmed down I have told her that I didn't like the way she spoke to me, or didn't like her behaviour etc. Perhaps these people just mean this and are the kind that will shout it to the world. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lorryw Report post Posted March 12, 2006 I think I sounded a bit pompous in my previous post. I also dislike the behaviour but not my son. Still thought it was unkind to announce you hate your child in public. Blame the disability not the child. Lorainexx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lilibet Report post Posted March 12, 2006 I tell my son I love him at least once a day, and how gorgeous he is, at least once a day. So that, hopefully when he goes to bed each night, despite what kind of day we've had, he knows that I'll always be there for him and that I do love him, even if Ihaven't been able to 'show' it terribly well. bw Elizabeth Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LizK Report post Posted March 12, 2006 Some days I enjoy him despite his ASD, yesterday I enjoyed him because of his ASD. He was lively, bouncy but chatty and very funny in one of those moods where the world is an exciting and wonderful place to him. We went shopping to the out-of-town shopping centre don't so it often as it's usually difficult but yesterday he managed well. He was excited seeing the doors and was walking or more like hopping along in excitement at the doors his arms and legs all over the place like a flowerpot man! He loved playing hopscotch in Adams trying desperately hard to jump and hop. He was chatting about various random things which I could hardly make sense of but it was nice to hear him talk. He got great pleasure out of going up in the lift to the upper floor of the food court with his daddy and find it hilarious that daddy pressed the alarm button in the lift in error and came dashing back excitedly to tell me 20 times Today has been a different matter he been to worst combination of withdrawn but restless and unable to concentrate so not beent he best of days with him, it's been hard work. It really is a rollercoaster ride. We have great times and times when I could tear my hair out and wonder what the hell I'm doing. Try to hold onto the good days to help get through the bad ones. Worries me what my son migth pick up subconsciously from me and my thoughts about him on the bad days, the effect on his self esteem. Want him to feel secure and know he's loved Liz x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
