nippy sweetie

Well Paula- you can "go with the flow" but run the risks that can lead to. Its hard being a parent and very easy to just let your children do what they want. However, what are the risks? He may be clinically depressed He may become so accustomed to doing nothing in particular he withdraws from life altogether, turns night into day and fritters his life away achieving nothing at all. He has AS so, by definition, has difficulty with imagination: he only knows what he knows so finds it hard to imagine what he doesn't know. He needs to be given the opportunity to find different ways to occupy his life. He needs to experience alternatives. Clearly he really enjoyed the work experience. It would be much better for his mental and physical health to engage in meaningful activity with all that that involves with a long term aim of helping him to achieve his potential and be a fulfilled, happy and useful member of society. He is still very young. 21 is still very young. Consider how you will be able to help him when he is 30, or 50 or older. Look to the long term and bear that in mind when you are planning. There are many crucial life skills to learn that wont be learned by lying about playing on an Xbox!

I don't want to sound mean Akunin but all over the country are people who`d love a quiet house (not flat) of their own to be provided and paid for by someone else. These are not people with AS. I must stress that I really don't want to sound so harsh. However, reality impinges and I think you could benefit from thinking for a bit about what compromises you could make. Aspergers compromise ? I hear you ask. Yes I know that's hard but try sitting down and writing down a list of desirables, essentials, and non negotiables and cross reference those with a list of what finance is really available, what housing options are available or even a list of what you need to know or find out. Turning abstract wondering into concrete action can be useful. It may even be that the current living conditions turn out to be the best currently available. Good luck anyway

Persevere with waiting. It may not take as long as you think. Phone and ask where you are on the waiting list. Dont be fobbed off. Just because the local service is relatively new doesnt necessarily mean that they are inexperienced diagnosticians. It could be that competent AS professionals who had been working in other parts of the NHS are being rearranged into a new team rather than all being "beginners". NHS is always being redeveloped to meet emerging priorities. Its good that adult AS is now seen as one.

Access to diagnosis depends on where you live. It shouldnt be. It shouldnt cost you anything but I know that some NHS Boards try not to get involved. Your GP should know where/how to refer you. RCGPs have made ASD one of their clinical priorities for 2013-2015. They have access to e modules re adults with ASD. Additionally new NICE guidelines have been published re diagnosis. It should be multi disciplinary and accessable. There`s no excuse for adults not to have access to diagnostic assessment. There`s also good information on how to diagnose for Psychiatrists on their website. Me? Off on one? You bet!

Hi, Aspergers doesnt just go away! If you had an AS diagnosis while at school then thats what you`ve still got. ADHD does ameliorate with age but persists in some cases into adulthood. The combination of AS & ADHD is not uncommon. Not worth trying to be re diagnosed with AS. There is medication that can help ADHD so maybe worth persevering with trying for reassessment. Otherwise check the ADHD sites. Lots of self help ideas and suggestions

Hope all goes well. Its got to be worth a try at least

That sounds like you`ve been taken seriously. Good idea to take notes! Hope it all work out OK

Oh dear. Sorry to hear all this. Fingers crossed for the SW looking at the situation from the childs point of view rather than the school`s or that of the other child. Where is GIRFEC in all this?

Sometimes parents (mums especially) seem to think that if their family member has a problem eg AS its somehow their fault as they must have done something wrong when you were very young. This can lead to them either feeling very guilty or that they must be bad mothers for not noticing the problems when their child was young. Some cope by denial or alternatively by trying to overcompensate too late which can be irritating for adult children. Either way its as important to try to consider whats going on to underpin their behaviour as it it important for them to try to understand you! Not easy I know but can be worth it.

Hi, sounds like there`s quite a lot going on here. Potentially ASD but also possibly ADHD in adult form. Also these drugs he`s experimenting with are potentially a problem. Steroid misuse for body building can lead to paranoia, aggression and certainly increase his agitation levels. Maybe this is behind his recent more worrying comments to your Mum. Sometimes direct communication in writing is useful rather than long emotional conversations where he might be picking things up a bit wrong due to being distracted by all the non verbals conveyed by tone of voice etc. Hence rumination after the event as he thinks or overthinks what he thinks you said (but you probably didnt if you see what I mean) Maybe a written letter listing your concerns. No use of emotional language just straight info re your concerns: his behaviours vs potential risks. More positively you could add actions he could take to reduce these these risks. You could talk to his GP. S/he wont be able to tell you anything about your brother but they should listen to your information regarding him. Have you broached the possibility of AS with your brother?

Oh Dixie- what an awful situation for you. I would suggest immediate contact with Social Work and also ask your GP to arrange an urgent assessment of your son`s capacity to consent. It doesnt sound to me that he currently is capable of making informed decisions.I reckon you might have a difficult time ahead (as well as behind you !!) but, try to identfy your priorities and also the key people who might be helpful. My suggestions would be: 1) try to give a "holding" response re the PIP letter. Say that he`s under assessment or something. Your GP might be able to give you a back up letter. He should be referred for an assessment of capacity. Adult Mental Health should be able to do this. If they refuse then press the GP to find out who will do this. This situation is intolerable for the family. 2) contact your GP on your own account. You are at risk of depression if not actually suffering it now. If GP notes this it might also add to your case for more support 3) contact SW. Outline your difficulties with your son. If he finds out or quibbles say that you are seeking a carers assessment which is what you need too. Can the School be helpful at all eg in contributing to an assessment? 4) If he becomes violent dont forget that the Police can be helpful. Actions have consequences and your son is old enough to learn this. I do know its an appalling prospect for any parent to contemplate though. 5) Re your career. Your job has been a a carer. This is accurate and involves many key aspects required for many jobs. Most of all keep on keeping on. I know its very hard indeed. I hope things settle down a bit but also that things start to get organised for the next part of his- and your- life. My mantra is always "this too shall pass". You wont always be in this exact situation but its so hard to see at the moment. With sincere best wishes.

Glad to hear it! Its obviously school related. I suppose its a difficult time for any boy on top of having his ASD related difficulties. I hope things remain calm and he continues to develop and mature over the next year. Good luck!

I`m not sure if instigating fear is the key! Certainly making it crystal clear that this behaviour wont be tolerated is vital. However, it is also important that DS understands exactly what it is that he`s expected to do. Too much "fuzzy" language used towards him at a time when he has become or is becoming stressed or confused can make it much worse. I`ve seen people say to youngsters things like "behave!" or "thats not nice": neither clear or specific enough. Direct straighforward language used with a quiet voice and an impassive facial expression helps to reduce the extra stimulation and enable people to get the message in a rapid and non threatenening way. I dont agree with Fluffy`s suggestions. Starting to play games and play one person off against another is a route to potentially much more confusion and distress all round. There are lots of other ways to address this situation. I would hope that the school staff/Ed Psychs etc are on the case?

As you`re based in Scotland can you ask the school if they are aware of and using the "Autism Toolbox"? Its development was funded by Scottish Govt and the Scottish ASD Strategy has led to the development of a host of other useful/practical developments. Some schools seem to be more "switched on" to ASD than others. It seems to be a typical post code lottery. Check the Autism Network Scotland for independent local advice. Dont be afraid to focus specifically on your grandchild. Good luck

Sometimes its not so much a trigger effect as a "last straw". It may be that he`s coped with a series of smallish things not being right and a gradual build up of tension. For some, it can only take a relatively minor event or something not being as he expects, for it to result in an explosive reaction. Of course its hard to maintain a smooth path through the series of activities and events in a day, week or month but be careful of thinking the "trigger" event is what its all about and only addressing that.

Direct Payments are not administered by NHS. Speak to your local Social work dept or are there any local advisers on benefits?

Hi, its a pity you dont have a local women`s AS group. I`m concerned that by reading too much or trying to do the dreaded "social skills training" - how I hate that phrase and even concept-you may just learn a whole lot of new things to worry about. Its all so artificial somehow. You need to find out what is helpful for you as anindividual rather than a whole lot of stuff that apparently helps other people. You are interesting and valuable. Is there any one person you could look on as a personal "mentor"? Doesnt have to be anyone professional just a well intentioned prson you can trust. If you do have such a person you could try regular reviews of the things that come up in your life and discuss how did or could have handled them. This way you can gradually build up a range of strategies you are comfortable with while still remaining yourself. There are several women`s forums online too. Or try our "Asperclick". Sorry for blatant advert its just quite useful for adults with AS

re adult diagnosis. Some Clinical Psychologists will carry out diagnosis. Some Psychiatrists will (they are 2 different and separate professions BTW). Ideally, a multi disciplinary team will do this and is what is recommended by the NICE guidelines. A lot depends on where you live. Services are more available in some areas than others. The route to NHS referral is always via GP. There is info re ASD for GPs on RCGP websites. Psychiatrists can access good diagnostic info on the RCPsych website. Adult diagnosis is doable and people shouldnt have to pay for it. AQ is not enough on its own. A full developmental history and collateral information about a person is necessary. Good luck.

I see that you are posting from Scotland. Check the Scottish Autism Strategy. The Autism Network Scotland should have the new "Menu of Interventions" for Autism on it. In this, among other things listed is the need for information/education etc re the implications of an ASD diagnosis. The menu is Govt policy- you could take it to eg your Gp, the Psychologist, the school - whatever is most useful. Also many projects have been funded to provide info/training for families. Ask the Autism Network people (very friendly) for contact info for people who could help you and your family. Good luck.

No. Just being professional

Oh dear. This is an awful situation. From what you say it is the other boy`s problem and your grandson is having to suffer (from the attacks but also classroom exclusion). I do feel sorry for your grandson (and you!) but also for the school. What on earth can they do faced with this behaviour from the other boy? I`m not surprised they have enlisted the senior manager pupil support. I`ve always thought that bullying in childhood is a junior version of adult crimes eg, assault, bodily harm, GBH, theft, intimidation etc. Is this therefore a child protection issue? Is the school failing to protect your grandson while he`s in their care? You could raise this with the pupil support person. For the other pupil`s sake maybe its time to involve Social Work? Maybe he needs another form of education? Just thoughts! Good luck on Monday

My suspicion is that this multiple avoidance reaction is not related to your diagnosis but is maybe more likely to be due to the behaviours that gave rise to your being diagnosed in the first place. Your posting is surprisingly passive eg I dont understand how you could have been "married off" at 17. Everything appears to be someone else`s fault. Can you think of how so many people might have come to the same conclusion? eg have you made lots of complaints to the maintenance dept of your block? What might you have said or done to your children to lead to their reaction? The diagnosis of HFA is not in itself a reason for all these extreme avoidance reactions. I really dont want to seem mean to you about this but, equally, I dont want people with this diagnosis to feel that this might happen to them.

I think that it is important for you to sit down and discuss this with your mother once your anger and frustration settles down though. It sounds such an extreme reaction that I wonder if there has been some previous cause for her behaviour. By the way I entirely agree about the walk being one of the best moments of your life. Sometimes these apparently simple pleasures are what life`s all about. It would be good if you and your Mum could sort things out so you can enjoy more lovely dog walks. Good luck

This is such a difficult situation for you. I think sometimes people forget that "employers" are people too and have responsibilities to keep businesses going thus keeping the economy afloat (such as it is!!). Self employment is a good option for people with AS or who may have AS but thats pretty stressful too. Business is stressful - when your house is on the line employers, in particular those with small businesses, simply cannot afford to take risks. Statutary organisations , Colleges & Unis etc are under extreme pressure to cut back. Its a really hard time. However, we`ve been through recessions before and things have improved. (showing my advanced age here!). There will come a time when able, useful people like Aspies will be needed. Can I suggest using this immediate time to prepare as far as possible? To practice interview or phone skills or whatever each person needs to practice as well as honing your specialist subjects and it sounds as though there are some real specialists here. Think very carefully before telling potential employers of your AS (especially if you dont yet have the diagnosis). When trying to decide among many potential employees they may well just decide to go for the most straightforward option ie maybe not you. Sad but true.

I always feel sorry for GPs. They are the gatekeepers to NHS services and are expected to know a little bit about a huge number of potential diseases/disorders/ilnesses etc both common and very rare. ASD is common. For information there is a good e learning module on the Royal College of GPs website. Should anyone`s GP not seem to be informed re ASD people could point this out to them? Just thought I`d highlight this point for forum users.