Do you have a child who is passive or attempts to

[Elefan]

See if this helps, Jenn! I would be interested in the answers. Please all support by lodging your answers.

 

Many thanks,

 

Elefan

[Elefan]

Please take time to post your vote. The findings of this poll would be of great help to many,..maybe even the professionals!

 

Many thanks,

 

Elefan

[KateBall]

I replied yes and the school are doing their best etc - BUT that was only after a few years of persuading them. You just have to keep on plugging away and hope for the best. I was lucky in the end.

[Diamondmask]

My daughter is extremely passive. She is a very laid back auti, social for want of a better word. Slight contradiction in terms really, a social auti! She loves playing with other children, has 4 boyfriends, 2 of which she wants to marry! She LOVES everybody. However she gets it all wrong :-( and never understands why she gets it wrong so it often means tears when she comes home. She doesnt have a nasty bone in her body and doesnt understand why other girls are sometimes mean to her.

 

Her brother on the other hand, is completely the opposite. He has never been passive in his life! He has lots of severe challenging behaviour. My daughter is the one more likely to be picked on because she doesnt get *it* whereas my son also doesnt get it, but he a "whack first ask questions later" kind of lad!

 

Sarah

[rainbow queen]

my sons school think my son shows no signs of asd

he isnt dx yet but under camhs who have agreed with me that its soundeing asd

hes a perfect pupil at school

so when i try to say about things that go on at home -they really cant understand it-or its not there problem as hes doing ok at school.

[oxgirl]

When my lad was at primary school he was an absolute nightmare at school, totally out of control. He'd run around the classroom knocking things off shelves wildly and laughing hysterically, screamed the place down when they tried to get him to work, etc. etc. but at home he was a total angel, happy and quiet and well behaved! I remember staring blankly at the headteacher one day when she asked me how did we restrain him at home!! We never had to, he just wasn't like that at home. Now he's older and at secondary school, he's less wild at school but he's also more awkward at home, so it's pretty much evened out now. I've said he's pretty much the same at school as at home, give or take a bit.

 

~ Mel ~

[Clare63]

My son is able to "mask" his AS at school, we have been told he is the "perfect pupil" though he is very anxious going into school they don't see his to any extent being a problem. They see the problem is mine trying to get him to school

Clare x

[darky]

I did vote in this poll a while ago, and i voted yes, my child is passive. There is an update on that. It was my son who i voted for, its been a huge struggle to get him what he needs because hes passive.

 

However, in the past couple of months since getting statutory assessment for him and getting more help and statement on the way, he has started coming out his shell and has started being disuptive. To me its simple, they have worked on building his self esteem and confidence, and now he has started to show himself. Typical that the school see it as negative! One step forward........

[curra]

My son was always pretending to be an NT in his old school and had outburts of anger, anxiety and depression at home. He's more himself now at his new school, so I voted yes, the school are doing their best... but it hasn't always been like that. In his previous school it was a constant struggle because they didn't think he had ASD traits. He's still worse at home than at school in terms of being aggressive and stressed and he still wants to show that he is an NT and not an Aspie.

 

M is showing poorer social skills now than when he was younger probably because the gap between his peers and him has widened.

 

Curra

[Helen_1980]

My daughter is a passive type and it has meant that some people fail to understand the full extent of her difficulties. They think that she must be fine because she doesn't scream

 

Currently she is home educated using ABA and we're hoping for successful school integration. It is a frustrating thing but there are so many stereotypical ideas about autism which make our lives more difficult.

[Alexandra]

M seems to cope at school, but then comes home

 

and lets rip, if things change at school he's in an awful mood at

 

home time,

[carrieq]

Its a bit of 1 and 4. His behaviour is much worse in school where he is no way passive but trying to get school to understand that hie outbursts are the result of his ASD has been a major ongoing battle.

Carrie

[Bambi]

T was passive in his last school where as at others he was extremely violent, but then as his difference was picked on in his last school and he actually bit the kid who was bullying him on a daily basis, other kids were aswel and i think thats why T was frantic about going to school in the end and was self harming more with major meltdowns in the playground once the school day ended.

 

School staff need re-training to have any hope in helping our kids because IMO they dont have a clue.

 

Bambi x

[shortcake]

Ryan displays his difficulties more at school this I think is as they dont have a clue about how to deal with him!

[munkymaz]

Drew is worse at school than at home. Having recently had an assessment, they think it might be a sensory thing where the hustle and bustle and noise in the school environment triggers him. His class teacher is fantastic as is his headteacher. They have developed all sorts of strategies to help him get through the day with getting himself into trouble (e.g. a calming ryhme he has to say to himself before he hits someone!!) and for the last 6 weeks (since moving up to Year 1 in a mixed class with Reception) he seems to have 'matured' as his teacher put it.

[loobylou2]

Hi my daughter has aspergers and is bipolar, but when I informed her school nobody could believe it! yet when she comes home shes always on about how hard it is for her and all her 'friends' are winding her up. she seems to let it all out as soon as she gets out of school like a valve being opened. Scool are just starting to take me seriously thanks to letters from her psychiatrist i think!

Loobylou

[Annea]

This has been the most difficult part of caring for my daughters education.

My daughters psychiatric team have said that it is really common for children <especially girls?> to mask their A/S at school, so many people on here have the same story, but at my school in particular, it is considered my issue, and as you can from my other post today the school have goe as far as saying that she has no problems apart from me!

 

Anne Ashford

[Karen A]

Anne that is such a horrible attitude to have towards you.So sorry that they do not understand.Karen

[Nic m]

Stay strong anne, i've been there and it is horrible. my daughter is now at another school and the first thing the head said was lets start with a clean slate.She has been true to her word and it is such a different experience for both me and my daughter.Since moving school last year she has moved up two levels in her maths and completed more homework than ever and her health has improved.

I hope you see some improvements soon

nic

[sueeltringham]

It's been a hard struggle to convince school, teachers and other professionals that my son is not coping (OKish at school and coming home with anxiety and panic attacks, hiding and screaming and meltdowns). He's very passive and just opts out of activities or gives wrong answers to questions that he thinks are too easy, at school. His reception teacher told us he could only count to five. I just laughed and said he could do that when he was two!!!!! Teachers reply was 'well he won't do it for me!' One of the most annoying comments has been 'well, he doesn't cause any trouble'!!!!! This was when we were trying to convince people of his problems, both in preschool and reception. Well, no he doesn't cause any trouble, but had they tried getting him out of the book corner (where he hid every session)?!!!!

 

We were very lucky as a specialist autistic teacher worked with him last summer and managed to convince everyone how subtle the signals and triggers are. Yay! We've just managed to get a statement, but that was a fight. Why does everyone expect an autistic child to be violent and hit out at everyone? I also get annoyed when parents of more aggressive autistic children tell me we're lucky -he doesn't hit out and fight. Well, you try entertaining, communicating with and going about day to day activities with a very passively unco-operative child who'd rather sit and read his books all day! I'm not saying the alternative of a more aggressive child is easier, but I think we all struggle in one way or an other and it's emotionally, physically and psychologically draining! Still, I love him to pieces!

 

Sue

[joybed]

I often think school and I are talking about 2 different children. At home he is very argumentative, aggressive, uncooperative and has very frequent meltdowns. At school they say he is settling well behaving appropriatley, raises valid points in class discussions and is a pleasure to be around one of there success stories. We have been so worried by his behaviour we were convinced he would be in a special school by the end of this term but it appears he is only badly behaved for us. School however do understand the difficulties we face and that we have a difficult life and do there best to support us.

[ScienceGeek]

Coming from an adult perspective here so not answering the poll. I was a very passive child and still very passive. It all used to get let loose when I got home from school in the form of punching walls, fighting with cousins, putting holes in doors, burning things. Internalised everything, and had really big problems with IBS, insomnia, self harm from age 7. Nobody picked up on the problems that I was having in school. I was the model pupil as well, in the top 2% of my classes in Primary school, but stagnated when went up to secondary school. Went from being in the top 2% to being being average when in secondary school.

[Caffeine Junkie]

My son used to be passive until about 12 months ago - the school he was in at the time understood the problems and said it was quite normal for an ASD child to be fine at school and then play up at home.

 

Over the last 12 months his behaviour got worse, and all concerned agreed to a school move. He now acts the same at school as he does at home.

[Shnoing]

I voted "No,...our child is the same at home and school" but I have to add that he's in a special needs preschool. I hope that counts as well.

[justamum]

sueeltringham

 

His reception teacher told us he could only count to five

 

ha, ha, ha that's so funny.

 

My sons teacher when he was aged 5 said 'he can't count to 10'.

 

I replied 'no, he can only count to a 100!'

 

and walked out.

 

She also said he couldn't read and when I insisted they tested him he came out a reading age of 8 or 9, which they tried to keep from me.....he couldn't read the baby books no because they were too simple!

[oxgirl]

She also said he couldn't read and when I insisted they tested him he came out a reading age of 8 or 9, which they tried to keep from me.....he couldn't read the baby books no because they were too simple!

 

My son used to refuse to read out loud to an adult so they never believed me when I told them he could read. 'He can recognise a few key words', the teacher patronizingly tried to pat me on the head and reassure me, pah, he could read fluently, he just wouldn't do it out loud!

 

~ Mel ~

[purplehaze]

my son use to be passive at school and when he went up to secondary it all changed. He became agressive and has high levels of anxiety and is now worse at school. However it was this change that helped get the statement which is helping to calm and support him.

[judellie]

My son M (10) is passive at school, but usually explodes when he gets home. He's borderline ADHD - only because of lack of symptoms at school, although apparently fidgets a lot.

Waiting for AS assessment.

 

He hates school, has done since pre-school, and I can tell there's only a couple of days of holiday left, his anxiety levels are rising rapidly and you can tell he's on the edge of blowing all the time now.

He lost it last night because wasn't enough hot water for a bath, broke the tap trying to get the water hot. His dad physically carried him out of the bath on put him in his room. He was very upset after, and we had quite a long chat. He's just started telling us what's bothering him now, which is a major breakthrough.

 

He said he was worried about school and especially secondary school in sept. He's heard stories from other kids and believes them all! He's especially worried about homework. In his words 'Mum how will I be when I get 6 lots of homework a week when I can't cope with 2 lots now?' I just wanted to cry and tell him he'd never have to go to school again, but I can't see home ed working, or his dad agreeing to it!

 

He actually said he didn't want to go back to that JAIL. That's how he perceives it.

 

Jude xx

[Enid]

When my lad was at primary school he was an absolute nightmare at school, totally out of control. He'd run around the classroom knocking things off shelves wildly and laughing hysterically, screamed the place down when they tried to get him to work, etc. etc. but at home he was a total angel, happy and quiet and well behaved! I remember staring blankly at the headteacher one day when she asked me how did we restrain him at home!! We never had to, he just wasn't like that at home. Now he's older and at secondary school, he's less wild at school but he's also more awkward at home, so it's pretty much evened out now. I've said he's pretty much the same at school as at home, give or take a bit.

 

~ Mel ~

This is soo like my son I cant beleive it, at primary, If I hadnt have worked at the adjoining pre-school, I just would not have beleived what they told me, now although he couldnt cope with secondary mainstream, at his special school they dont seem to have much trouble with him, whereas at home, well!!!!! you`ve all read my posts, Enid x

[gothschild]

My son is definately worse at school he is currently in mainstream high school, he cannot cope with the sensory overdrive and has terrible mood swings.

[bikemad]

My lad does this, in school things barely show most of the time tho it does if someone winds him up lol and also the eating probs show but he is like a split person cos literally he leaves the building n is like the devils spawn most of the time. The old school were a nightmare but the new school is much better and understand that they can behave differently etc.

[Donna K]

I voted the first option.

 

A, I am told is fine in school and doesn't show any sign of ASD yet he often blows even before leaving school grounds most days and is a complete nightmare.

 

School are most unhelpful and will not admit he has ASD despite his DX a year ago, needless to say they really get my back up!!

[isme]

My son is able to "mask" his AS at school, we have been told he is the "perfect pupil" though he is very anxious going into school they don't see his to any extent being a problem. They see the problem is mine trying to get him to school

Clare x

 

We have similar issues here.. "perfect pupil", "too good", are phrases used often by his teacher. Change is a huge deal for him though, pressure of sats etc were all just too much..

But it's ok in their view as its my fault for being an over protective parent!

[bikemad]

We have similar issues here.. "perfect pupil", "too good", are phrases used often by his teacher. Change is a huge deal for him though, pressure of sats etc were all just too much..

But it's ok in their view as its my fault for being an over protective parent!

 

Ive had that one before im too over protective...grgh.

[Mum of 3]

My son is very passive at school, but very reliant on adults to show him what to do. He doesn't interact at all with other children, and doesn't even watch them to see what he should be doing, so is often 'lost' and has no idea what to do.

He gets very upset and anxious when there is going to be something different on at school, and often has to be dragged there. Luckily, he has a fantastic teacher who prepares him really well for any forseen differences, and they always try to ensure there is someone in the classroom with whom he feels secure.

At the moment he is in Reception class with a saint of a teacher. I don't like to think what he'll be like if he ever gets a dragon! (not a dragon, but this might be the only time I get to use George, and you've got to grab the chance!)

[shaz71]

My son is very passive at school, but very reliant on adults to show him what to do. He doesn't interact at all with other children, and doesn't even watch them to see what he should be doing, so is often 'lost' and has no idea what to do.

He gets very upset and anxious when there is going to be something different on at school, and often has to be dragged there. Luckily, he has a fantastic teacher who prepares him really well for any forseen differences, and they always try to ensure there is someone in the classroom with whom he feels secure.

At the moment he is in Reception class with a saint of a teacher. I don't like to think what he'll be like if he ever gets a dragon! (not a dragon, but this might be the only time I get to use George, and you've got to grab the chance!)

 

Hi my daughter is not too bad at school and is getting better at home she is 7yr old, she is about a year and half behind in education, but her behaviour is evening out she seems to be just as bad in school as at home now she was the other way around as she was so anxious but seems to be picking up in self confidence and because of this her behaviour is getting worse at school as she is more confident in being herself. She isn't diagnosed but i do know she is on the spectrum just not sure where. She is very social in fact she makes friends very quickly but then they look at her strange when she gets on all fours to become a dog, or a dinosaur lol, she is always on the go even in bed asleep she is always fidgeting. She wrote a card to my sister her aunty and wrote all our names except Rhys her brother i said put his name in she said he isn't here?????? bless her. Also when i said the battery was flat she said no it wasn't it was round lol, the things that come out of their mouths. Sharon x

[baranigirl]

M seems to cope at school, but then comes home

 

and lets rip, if things change at school he's in an awful mood at

 

home time,

 

 

thats what my DP is like

 

My DD3 is passive at school and could not possibly have AS traits as she is a girl!

[A and A]

There didn't seem to be an appropriate option for our son. As he is extremely passive, he will rarely do anything unless he is guided by someone else.

 

Has never shown any aggressive or violent behavior. Although in the past he has hit himself on the head or banged his head on the wall. Thankfully he didn't do it often and i haven't seen him do that for long while.

 

He is only 3, and we hope he will always keep his calm and easy going personality but would love him to show more interest in things and other people!